


Remember me, dickhead!

by son_of_a_bitch_supernatural



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable Samandriel, Alternate Universe - College/University, Benny Lafitte & Dean Winchester Friendship, Bisexual Dean, Castiel is a Little Shit, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester Friendship, Charlie Ships It, Cute, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Dean is In Over His Head, Dean is a Little Shit, Dean is petulant, Did I say slight angst, F/M, Fluff, Human Anna, Human Castiel, Human Samandriel, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I enjoyed this, I meant a tad bit more than much angst, I'm Not Ashamed, Jo Harvelle & Dean Winchester Friendship, Jo Ships It, M/M, Mary Lives, Minor Balthazar/Castiel, Minor Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Ooh and cliffhangers, Protective Benny, Protective Jo Harvelle, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Is So Done, Sam Ships It, Sam is a Sweetheart, Sam/Ruby/Jess if you squint, The college au i didnt know i wanted to write, Very Minor, Wow writing is fun, cas is sweet, childhood crushes, have fun, ok im done now, ok now im done, slight angst, squint hard, this was fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 12:04:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 46,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6803119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/son_of_a_bitch_supernatural/pseuds/son_of_a_bitch_supernatural
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Who's Castiel Milton?” Charlie asked curiously, pulling her headset off and swirling the chair away from the computer where her character did a weird dance as confetti spouted off of the credits. </p><p>“Did you see Anna?” Jo questioned. </p><p>“I did. They didn't even recognize me. Castiel didn't even- It was like he had no idea who I was. It's- I mean, that's ridiculous. I knew he was who he was right away and he looks really different. Well, except for his eyes.” Dean ranted, eyebrow furrowing. </p><p>“You let it out, honey.” Jo mocked, patting Dean's shoulder and shifting to face Charlie. “And, to answer your question, Castiel is Dean's childhood crush.” </p><p>“Woah, really? Dean's childhood crush was a boy? You got something you want to tell me Dean?” Charlie teased, leaning forward and crossing her legs in the computer chair. Dean scowled. </p><p>“No, he's not- That's- no. I didn't have a childhood crush.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I happened to see an au headcanon on tumblr of childhood crushes reuniting later down the road and I immediately thought of Destiel, and I immediately ran with the idea. I had do much fun. This is my first chapter fic, so lemme know if you like it. Enjoy! 
> 
> -sobs

“So, let me tell you a thing.” 

 

Dean rolled his eyes as Jo nearly skidded to a stop and plopped down on his couch. She'd just let herself right on in, as usual, and shot off talking like he wasn't studying vigorously for his least favorite class because  _ of course _ his professor had to have a quiz coming up in the first week of school.

 

“Sure, come on in.” Dean muttered, holding his notes steady as he highlighted on specific line that he knew he'd forget if he didn't. 

 

“Yeah, whatever.  _ Listen _ . So, guess who I just seen in the hall?” Jo asked, bouncing in her seat and leaning forward over the book so he had to meet her eyes. 

 

“Hmm?” Dean murmured as he pulled the book closer and did his best to drown her out. 

 

“Hey!” She persisted and snatched the book, slamming it closed before his very eyes. 

 

“Dammit, Jo, I was really starting to get that.” Dean snapped, forgoing to add on the  _ for once _ . 

 

“Get it later. Listen to me. You won't believe who I just seen in the hallway. She was heading towards her dorm down the hall.” Jo said excitedly. 

 

“Ashlee Hall?” Dean asked warily. 

 

“Who? What, no? Who even- Never mind. It's Anna Milton. Remember?” Jo asked excitedly. Dean arched an unimpressed eyebrow. 

 

“Should I know who that is? Did we…?” 

 

“No, you asshole. Way too young. We used to play with her and her brother when we were like...eight years old.” Jo reminded him, eyebrows raising. 

 

Dean pursed his lips and stared at her for a long time. Jo waited expectantly, leaning forward when he suddenly inhaled sharply. Though he didn't even put forth the effort of trying to recall whoever she was talking about, Dean let his eyes light up and lifted a finger. She leaned forward even more, eyes brightening, and he let his hand drop abruptly. 

 

“Nope, nothing.” He snickered. Jo growled and threw her hands up, sitting back. 

 

“You don't remember them? They were like our best friends!” Jo reminded him urgently. 

 

“No, Jo, I don't. Because, that was a long time ago and I don't have time for that kind of reminiscing. What I have time for, though, is college level quizzes. So, I have to study. Either shut up or go.” 

 

Jo huffed and hopped up off the couch, grumbling under breath. Dean was pretty sure he heard something along the lines of  _ why do I bother with this idiot _ but he brushed it off, figuring he imagined that. Apparently, the idea of not talking was torture and she wasn't sticking around for that, so she left, leaving Dean in peace and with his work. 

 

“Right. Where was I?” 

.

.

.

 

Dean's keys jingled as he locked his door behind him, not exactly wanting to come back to find Garth crashing on his couch again. He shifted the bag on his shoulder and tried very hard not let it swing into his door as he turned around. So focused on that, Dean didn't pay attention as he whirled around. So, naturally, he bumped right into someone. 

 

“Oh, damn. I'm-” 

 

Dean cut himself off as he got an eyeful of big, blue eyes and messy black hair. A bit of scruff on paler skin, lips pressed into a thin line, and eyelashes that girls would weep over. There was a tickle in the back of his brain as he stared at the guy. Something about those eyes… Dean would swear by anything that he'd seen them before. 

 

And, like an explosion behind his eyes, Dean had his answer. Castiel Milton. Of course, he recognized him. Years in between and Dean was pretty sure he'd never be able to forget those eyes, especially considering his strange fascination with them when he was eight years old and best friends with the guy. 

 

That point driven home, Dean took a step back quickly, feeling a blush threaten to crawl up from under his collar. Castiel wasn't staring at him like he recognized him. No, he was staring at him in confusion, like he couldn't work out why his neighbor was so strange. Right. 

 

“Ready to go?” 

 

Red hair and a bright smile accompanied that voice as none other than Anna Milton waltzed up. She gave a polite smile before reaching out and threading her arm through Castiel's. Dean recognized her simply by the way her hair still resembled a live flame. 

 

It took Dean a few moments to realize that they were already walking away, not having given him the time of day. His best friend when he was eight hadn't even apologized for their little impromptu encounter. Dean felt sort of like he'd been ripped off, which was stupid. Swallowing, Dean figured that he should go find Jo. 

 

Not even ten minutes later, Dean was marching into Jo's and Charlie's dorm, not even knocking. Charlie was yelling at her computer screen, obviously owning some RPG game. Jo was sitting on the couch, attempting to fix a smaller engine for her machinery class. Dean walked right over and sat himself down right beside her, taking the engine from her and sitting it down on the small table in front of them. 

 

“Jo.” Dean said and she glanced io to glare at him. 

 

“I almost had that finished.” 

 

“Finish it later. I just ran into Castiel Milton.” 

 

“Oh, did you now?” Jo asked with a smirk, crossing her arms triumphantly and raising her eyebrows. 

 

“Who's Castiel Milton?” Charlie asked curiously, pulling her headset off and swirling the chair away from the computer where her character did a weird dance as confetti spouted off of the credits. 

 

“Did you see Anna?” Jo questioned. 

 

“I did. They didn't even recognize me. Castiel didn't even- It was like he had no idea who I was. It's- I mean, that's ridiculous. I knew he was who he was right away and he looks really different. Well, except for his eyes.” Dean ranted, eyebrow furrowing. 

 

“You let it out, honey.” Jo mocked, patting Dean's shoulder and shifting to face Charlie. “And, to answer your question, Castiel is Dean's childhood crush.” 

 

“Woah, really? Dean's childhood crush was a boy? You got something you want to tell me Dean?” Charlie teased, leaning forward and crossing her legs in the computer chair. Dean scowled. 

 

“No, he's not- That's- no. I didn't have a childhood crush.” Dean muttered, getting stupidly defensive. 

 

“Uh huh. Well, let me tell you, Charlie. Those two were the most in love little boys I ever saw. It was the cutest shit, even Anna and I saw that. Dean used to bring Castiel gifts and they held hands and they jumped in puddles together. And, one time, Castiel fell from a tree and Dean legit freaked out and cried for three hours straight until they let him into the hospital to see him. The hug that resulted melted the hearts of every female in that room.” 

 

“Okay, that was a traumatic thing for me at what- eight? So, fuck you, Jo. And… We were little kids. I held hands with you all the time. So.” Dean insisted.

 

“When we played house like eight year olds are prone to do, you announced that you didn't want Anna to be your wife, making her cry, and you said that you wanted to be with Castiel instead.” Jo deadpanned. 

 

“I was eight!” Dean snapped. 

 

“Aw, that is really cute.” Charlie admitted, smiling. 

 

“It's not  _ cute _ , okay? And, none of that's the point. The point  _ is _ that he didn't even recognize me. Neither did Anna.” Dean mumbled and he realized, a little belatedly, that he was actually sulking about that. 

 

“Maybe you just didn't leave a good enough impression.” Charlie suggested. 

 

“That's impossible. I gave this kid my favorite fire truck hat, alright? I didn't even give that to Sammy.” Dean countered, shaking his head. Jo snorted. 

 

“See? Love.” 

 

“Bite me.” Dean barked. 

 

“Maybe later. And, do you think that maybe he just really couldn't remember? Maybe you should remind him.” Jo told him seriously. 

 

“Yeah, no. If that asshole doesn't remember me, then screw him.” Dean grumbled. 

 

Charlie rolled her eyes and shared a look with Jo, something passing between them that Dean knew he'd never be able to interpret. He didn't care. He was all ruffled right then, all annoyed because Castiel seriously hadn't recognized him. He  _ should've _ , as far as Dean was concerned. And, it bothered him that he hadn't. Which, that was stupid too. 

 

“Stop being a baby and talk to him.” Jo told him before starting back fiddling with her engine. 

  
Dean grumbled but knew that was all Jo would say about that right then. Charlie walked over and sat on the floor on the other side of the table to help Jo assemble the apparently difficult engine. Sighing, Dean slid down and helped too. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean was unreasonably irritated at the whole situation. He knew his demeanor had changed abruptly and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. This whole situation was going to drive him crazy. Castiel still hadn't had a flash of recognition in his stupidly blue eyes. And, that was not fair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna post the first two right noe and add more later. Enjoy!

“Hey, look who it is.” 

 

Dean glanced up from where he'd been studying baby's tires, worrying if they needed a shine. Dean's face went from relaxed curiosity to tense annoyance in the span of a few seconds. Benny and Charlie also glanced up at Jo's announcement and watched as Castiel, Anna, and some other guy who looked vaguely familiar walked across the lawn. 

 

Castiel had his head buried in a book, glancing up to narrow his eyes at the other two for a few moments, like he was suspicious at what they were planning. Anna had her head bent close to the other guy, a sly grin on her face. And, the guy had really blond hair and very prominent dimples that flashed every time he even opened his mouth and spoke. 

 

Dean let out a scoff and went back to inspecting his baby. Jo laughed at him and Charlie soon followed. Benny arched an eyebrow at him and Dean questioned his ability to pick out friends that preferred to assume he was overreacting, rather than ask what was wrong. Still, annoyance pricked all over his skin and he found his eyes crawling back to the trio that were passing by, unknowing of his irritated state.

 

Dean watched as Castiel scanned his book, both hands cradling the book with his fingers curling over the top. Even from there, Dean could see the freaking blue in his eyes. Which, that wasn't fair when Dean thought about it. How  _ could  _ someone even forget eyes like that, anyway?” 

 

Staring as intently as he was, Dean saw the root sticking up the ground right before Castiel stumbled over it. Dean watched as Castiel nearly tripped and came to a stop, glaring down at the root like it had personally offended him. Dean was taken back to a time when a tinier version of Castiel couldn't hop a fence like Dean had and he'd kicked it like it was at fault. Without meaning to, Dean burst out laughing. 

 

Dean's laughter choked off when Castiel's head snapped up and he glanced over at him, clearly hearing it. Jo kicked him in the shin and Dean nearly broke his neck trying to look away and focus back on his baby. When Dean glanced back again, unable to keep from it, Castiel was gone. 

 

“Good going, Dean.” Jo scolded. “I wouldn't want to remember you, either. You're an asshole.” 

 

“Shut up, Harvelle.” Dean muttered, his bad mood swooping back in like a rain cloud. 

 

“That was kind of mean, Dean.” Charlie agreed sheepishly. Dean shot her a betrayed look. 

 

“Girls are right, brother.” Benny agreed. 

 

And, that was the nail in the coffin. Guilt clouded in and Dean groaned, letting his head thunk forward. He wanted to say that it was mean not to remember a close childhood friend. He wanted to argue that he wasn't laughing  _ at _ Castiel, just a fond memory of him. Which, he was recalling more of those lately than he would have liked. But, he knew they wouldn't care about what he had to say. The only way to escape their injured and accusing looks was to get up and trudge after the little guy and apologize. 

 

Still, Dean didn't really want to do that. 

 

But, he knew he didn't have a choice. Sighing heavily and ignoring the churning in his stomach, Dean hopped up. Jo gave him a smirk and he flipped her off as he jogged in the direction Castiel went. Laughter exploded behind him when he stumbled over the exact same tree root but he ignored that too, or ignored it as best as one could with a blush. 

 

“Hey!” 

 

Dean saw them then and he sped up, dodging around students sunbathing on the lawn. But, his shout was too vague for the trio to turn around. They had no clue he was calling out to them. So, Dean kept up until he reached them. He slowed down when he was right behind them, not even slightly out of breath. 

 

“Hey!” He called again and that time, they turned. 

 

“Yes?” Anna asked automatically, confusion in her eyes. Dean wanted open his arms and shout his name, shout that she should remember him. But, he refrained, though that took effort. 

 

“Hey. Yeah, um.” Dean stuttered, which was something he never did, and he focused his gaze on Castiel as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, feeling weird right then. “I just wanted to, uh, apologize, I guess. ‘Cause I laughed back there. It wasn't at you. Well, I mean, it  _ was _ but I didn't mean it like that. I just- Um. Sorry about that.” 

 

Dean, quite frankly, was proud that he managed to get through that little spiel without spontaneously imploding. It was close, so close, but he managed. But, the itch that had been under his skin since Castiel had failed to remember him refused to go away. Dean just knew it was going to bug him. 

 

The three stared at him for a few moments, obviously trying to figure out what in the hell he was talking about. Castiel even seemed confused but he blinked suddenly, realization dawning in his eyes. Castiel gave a quiet chuckle and lifted his book, wiggling it like it was the answer to the whole universe. 

 

“No, it's okay. I was distracted and I nearly tripped. I admit, getting angry at the stump for my mistake is most likely an amusing sight to see.” Castiel said. 

 

It was the first time Dean had heard him speak. And, it was absolutely nothing like the cutesy high voice that the four year old Castiel in his memory owned. Oh no. This Castiel had a gruffer voice, a more gravelly one, but it was kinda nice too. Which, hell no, Dean was not analyzing the dude's freaking  _ voice _ . 

 

“I- yeah.” Dean mumbled, that itch becoming even more prominent as the time passed. Shouldn't Castiel have recognized him by now? 

 

“That was kind of you to come and reassure me, though.” Castiel comment, his face open and kind. 

 

Dean was unreasonably irritated at the whole situation. He knew his demeanor had changed abruptly and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. This whole situation was going to drive him crazy. Castiel  _ still  _ hadn't had a flash of recognition in his stupidly blue eyes. And, that was not fair. 

 

Dean nearly jolted with the sudden thought that he was one stomp away from pitching a fit like his eight year old self might've. Horror bloomed in him when the thought that maybe  _ then _ Castiel would recognize him flew through his mind against his will. Dean knew it was getting bad when he was seriously considering acting like he had way back when just to get Castiel to remember him. Yeah, time to go. 

 

Dean left without another word, just abruptly turning and speed walking away. His face felt on fire and he felt so  _ stupid _ . What was wrong with him? Why did it even matter to him so much? But, god, it really fucking did. He just felt offended on his eight year old self's behalf. How could have Castiel forgotten him? They'd been best friends! 

 

Dean felt like smacking himself. He was positive that he'd just made an utter fool of himself in front of the three he'd rushed after. Dean felt strange and like he was wearing something he wouldn't normally wear. Uncomfortable and aching to get back into his regular attire. Dean approached his friends and rolled his shoulders, gathering his keys out of his pockets. 

 

“How'd it go?” Charlie asked enthusiastically.

 

“I apologized and I left, that's how.” Dean muttered, walking around to the driver's side door. 

 

“Did they remember you?” Jo asked hopefully.

 

“No.” Dean snapped and snatched the door open with more force than he felt was necessary.

 

“Where are you going?” Benny asked curiously. 

 

“Lisa's campus. Could use a night to blow off some steam.” Dean answered and slid in the car, cranking it and pulling away to drive to Lisa's. 

.

.

.

 

Dean was having a good day. 

 

A really freaking good day. He'd passed a pop quiz in one of his worst classes and he'd been invited to three parties in the time it took him to reach his dorm.  _ Then _ , Heather from down the hall had decided to stop by and who was Dean to deny her the cup of sugar they both knew she didn't really need. And, when she dropped to her knees in his small kitchenette, Dean didn't even bite back the grin that bloomed. 

 

His day only got better when Sam called and they talked on the phone for a good few hours. Sam was enthusiastic in talking about this girl he was interested in, Jess, he had said her name was. He was also ecstatic that Dean was getting along so well in college, both knowing that Sam was the only reason he'd went. He'd sighed wistfully, murmuring that he couldn't wait until it was his turn, snorting when Dean told him to slow down and not rush it. 

 

Garth hadn't been by to steal his socks or eat all of his cereal, so that was a plus. Dean had finished all his work, all his studying,  _ and  _ got ahead in all of his classes. His weekend would be free and he could go to every party that he'd been invited to, have some fun with his friends, and maybe even have a couple of mutually agreed upon flings. 

 

Yeah, Dean felt freaking amazing. 

 

That was until the knock came at his door. Dean was playing on his PlayStation when it happened and he paused his game with a groan. He hopped up and eased the door open, his smile dropping into an expression of surprise when he saw Castiel standing there, looking a bit disheveled. Dean blinked. 

 

“Hello.” Castiel murmured. 

 

“Um. Hi.” Dean said, his words halting and uncertain. 

 

“I need to ask a favor from you if that isn't too much to impose.” Castiel told him solemnly, like this was the most serious task of his entire existence. 

 

“Okay, shoot.” Dean said slowly as Castiel waited. 

 

“My ex is heading down the hall right this very moment to go to my room. My sister gave my ex a key, not knowing that we'd broken up. Would it be too much to ask that I sit here for a little while until my ex gives up and leaves?” Castiel asked, his eyes widening, hope blooming. 

 

And, Dean was having such a great day. 

 

“Yeah, that's cool. Come on in.” Dean agreed with a sigh, crumbling like a house of cards in a windstorm. 

 

“Thank you. This, of course, will only be this one time. I'm planning to get the locks changed.” Castiel said conversationally as he walked in, eyes darting around to take in the small apartment. 

 

“Good idea.” Dean said and cleared his throat, watching as Castiel walked in and turned a full circle, eyes going from ceiling to floor, making Dean feel as if he was being judged and making him wish he'd cleaned a bit. “I'm sure the lady at the front desk with understand once you explain it.” 

 

“I'll just go out and buy my own kit. Brenda at the front desk is someone Anna would call a bitch.” Castiel said, turning to stare around the kitchenette. 

 

Dean felt uncomfortable, thinking of his earlier activities in that very room. Which, that made no sense. With literally anyone else, he'd get a sick sense of humor from them staring right at where he'd done those things. But, oh no, this was Castiel and for whatever reason, that put him off his game. 

 

“You can take a seat, man.” Dean blurted out and stiffly made his way back to his couch, lowering himself on it and watching as Castiel moved quietly to the other end of the couch and sat too. 

 

“What are you playing?” Castiel asked, staring at the screen where it looked like an explosion had went off. 

 

“Call of Duty. War games are a weakness, don't judge me.” Dean muttered, lifting his gaze back to the screen and getting ready to press play. 

 

“Why would I judge? I've never played, so I wouldn't be able to.” Castiel told him seriously and Dean turned to stare at him. 

 

“Tell me you're joking.” Dean stated. 

 

“I don't understand-” 

 

“No. That's not okay. Here.” 

 

Dean hopped up and opened the cabinet under the TV where all his game things were. He pulled out a second controller, not even really thinking his actions through. He plugged it in and tossed it to Castiel who caught it awkwardly, blinking ridiculously large, blue eyes at him. Dean rolled his own eyes. 

 

“I'll teach you. I'll go easy, relax.” Dean said lightly, all his earlier tension bleeding away in the face of Castiel's awkwardness and confusion. 

 

“That is certainly hospitable of you, especially considering you don't even know my name. It's Castiel, by the way.” Castiel told him. Dean just laughed and shook his head, not offering a reply. 

 

Dean taught Castiel the basics and went through all the controls patiently. It took Castiel a moment to get it but once he did, he became surprisingly competitive. Game after game, they played and it wasn't long until Dean found himself having a challenge on his hands. It was almost like having Sam back, someone who was so evenly matched in his game playing that their wars nearly always ended in having to be resolved in real life challenges, such as arm wrestling. 

 

Dean wasn't sure how much time had passed but they were really getting into it. Dean was cursing up a storm and Castiel was staring at the screen like he could glare it into submission. And finally,  _ finally _ , after so long, Castiel managed to beat him. That resulted in Dean groaning loudly while Castiel simply hummed his approval, like it was no big deal. 

 

“And, the student surpasses the teacher!” Dean shouted, going dramatically limp against the arm of the couch, sighing loudly. 

 

“It seems I've achieved the impossible.” Castiel murmured sagely, standing. 

 

“Well, can't say you haven't played Call of Duty, anymore.” Dean said lightly, straightening up and standing as well. Castiel nodded and smiled, looking down at his watch, blinking rapidly. 

 

“Oh. Time does seem to go by faster when playing games, I guess. I was supposed to meet Anna and Samandriel an hour ago.” Castiel said, surprise evident in his tone. Dean chuckled. 

 

“Relax, man. Time flies when you're having fun. Go make your calls.” Dean said and walked him to the door, Castiel already fishing out his phone. 

 

“Thank you again. This was enjoyable and also convenient. I can't thank you enough for giving me refuge.” Castiel told him sincerely as Dean opened the door and stepped into the hall. 

 

“Hey, man, no problem. I've had my own run in with a few crazy ex's, so I understand.” Dean said, feeling awkward for some unexplainable reason. 

 

“Well then, if you ever need refuge, then allow me to offer my services. As far as games go, I have scrabble.” Castiel said lightly, his eyes soft and Dean felt a bubble of laughter burst forth at its own accord.

 

“Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.” 

 

“Oh! I never asked, which is pretty ridiculous now that I think about it. But, you never told me your name.” 

 

“Ha. Have a good one, man. And, steer clear of the crazy ex.” Dean said with a small laugh, purposely not answering his question. Castiel frowned at him, his brow furrowing, but he seemed to take that. 

 

“Okay. I will, I suppose. He can be really persistent.” Castiel told him and then gave a wave as he walked away. Dean watched him walk across the hall to the room directly across, unlock the door, and go in. 

 

Dean didn't close the door for a very long time, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open like he was in between speaking and snapping his mouth closed. He knew he looked stupid, completely understood that. But, he couldn't help it. One simple word bounced around his head, reverberating back and replaying over and over. 

  
_ He _ .


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel blinked hard, once, twice, and third time. Then, to the surprise of everyone, especially Dean, he stepped forward and leaned close, getting right up in his personal space and scanning his face. Dean wouldn't ever admit it out loud but he was pretty sure in that moment that he was going to have a heart attack or his lungs were going to seize. But, fortunately or unfortunately, Castiel leaned away, shock and recognition in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I received some feedback and got super pumped to update. So, here it is. Enjoy! 
> 
> -sobs

“He's  _ gay _ .” 

 

Those were the first words that Dean said to Jo, Charlie, and Lisa when he slid into the booth of the diner they decided to meet in the very next day. The girl's all stared at him, various looks of surprise and curiosity on their faces. Dean cleared his throat, sort of wishing that he'd at least headed off with a hello. 

 

“Who's gay?” Lisa asked. 

 

“Castiel.” Dean answered because he couldn't not. 

 

“How do you know?” Charlie asked, arching an eyebrow, a lot of implications in that small gesture. 

 

“Ha, not funny, Charlie. I know because he stayed over at my place yesterday for a couple of hours to escape an ex that had a key to his room. I didn't know until he was leaving but his ex is a guy.” Dean explained, leaning forward like it was impressionable information. The girl's didn't seem too impressed. 

 

“He could be bi.” Jo offered, shrugging. 

 

“Um,  _ and _ ? That means what exactly? He still has an ex that's a guy.” Dean huffed. 

 

“But, honey, why do you care?” Lisa asked, a look of polite confusion on her face that Dean saw through immediately. He sighed. 

 

“I don't- Shut up, Lisa. It's not like that. We just had sex like four days ago, so you know it's not like that.” Dean muttered. 

 

“Maybe  _ you _ could be bi.” Jo offered, just as nonchalantly as when she said the same for Cas. 

 

“I'm not- Listen, this isn't about me!” Dean snapped, fed up. Lisa and Jo simultaneously laughed. 

 

“Dean, I gotta ask, why does this bother you so much?” Charlie asked. 

 

“It's not gay people that bother me. It's that...Cas is...gay…” Dean trailed off, his face twisting as he realized how fucked up that sounded. “No, that's not what I meant. I don't know what I meant.” 

 

“Go on, we won't judge.” Lisa said innocently and Dean saw through that too. Sighing, he tried anyway. 

 

“Okay. It's just- I don't know. We were friends when we younger, right? And then, he doesn't even freaking remember me. Which, that's just messed up. And, now this. It's like I don't even know him. Or, what I thought about him is different. I don't know.” 

 

“You're saying you didn't know he was gay back then and you feel like you should've.” Charlie suggested. 

 

“Something like that.” Dean agreed. 

 

“Well, that's stupid.” Jo said bluntly. “No, correction,  _ you're _ stupid. You two had some of the biggest gay crushes on each other that I ever seen in two eight year olds. You're just not remembering the way I do.”

 

“I did  _ not _ have a crush on him!” Dean snapped. 

 

“You know, it's okay if you did- do, whatever.” Lisa said calmly, being supportive needlessly. 

 

“Okay, I don't need the ‘it's okay to be gay’ talk. I already  _ know _ that, even though I'm not gay. I don't have anything against it, nor do I have hidden desires begging to be released to the light of day.” Dean said sardonically, throwing his hands up. 

 

“So, why even tell us about Castiel's sexual orientation. What do we care? It seems to be on your mind more than ours.” Charlie said innocently and Dean gritted his teeth. He deflated, sulking again. 

 

“Well, did he at least remember you while he fucked your world up by going and being gay?” Jo teased. Dean groaned and let his head hit the table with a thud, feeling that he had just made everything worse.

 

“Dammit,  _ no _ , he didn't. And, I'm so freaking pissed.”

 

The laughter from the girls was to be expected, really.

.

.

.

 

It happened very suddenly. There was no warning, no sign to suggest that it would happen. Dean wasn't quite sure how it even happened. 

 

All he knew was that Castiel, Anna, and Samandriel were all walking by on the lawn again. Just like the last time, Benny, Charlie, and Jo were right there beside him. When Jo pointed them out, Dean didn't feel as angry as he did before but he was still slightly on edge. But, whatever. So, when Castiel noticed them and smiled, lifting a hand to wave, Dean returned the greeting. 

 

“Hey, Cas!” Dean called, the shortened version of his name slipping out with ease despite how long it had been since Dean used it. 

 

But then, Castiel came to a very abrupt halt. He stopped, going rigid, and stared. His mouth was parted slightly and surprise was in his eyes. Castiel stared at Dean across the lawn, his gaze still so piercing despite the distance, and Dean froze under the intensity of it. Before he knew what was happening, Castiel was walking over, Anna and Samandriel following along in open curiosity. 

 

“Say that again.” Castiel ordered, stopping in front of Dean and staring up at him hard. Dean swallowed reflexively and scrambled to his feet, not quite liking being at such a disadvantage. 

 

“Uh. Hey, Cas?” He mumbled, posing it as a question. 

 

Castiel blinked hard, once, twice, and third time. Then, to the surprise of everyone, especially Dean, he stepped forward and leaned close, getting right up in Dean's personal space and scanning his face. Dean wouldn't ever admit it out loud but he was pretty sure in that moment that he was going to have a heart attack or his lungs were going to seize. But, fortunately or unfortunately, Castiel leaned away, shock and recognition in his eyes. 

 

“Dean? Dean Winchester.” Castiel stated, the first time a question, the second a sure thing. 

 

“Yes.” Dean answered dumbly because, yes that was him and because, yes Castiel just recognized him. 

 

“You were the only one to ever call me that.” Castiel told him, tilting his head like an inquisitive bird or dog might, blue eyes running over him like he was seeing him in a new light. 

 

“That's all it took?” Dean blurted out. “I recognized you as soon as I saw you. It's been driving me crazy that you didn't remember me!” 

 

“Really?” Cas asked in surprise. “Why didn't you say something? I would've remembered if you had.”

 

“Because, Dean is an asshole who would rather stew in his own annoyance than speak up.” Jo answered for him as she stood up, blinding smile in place as she held out her hand. “Jo Harvelle. Remember me?” 

 

“Jo!?” Anna blurted out, moving forward, her eyes wide and eyeing Jo in shock. 

 

“Hey, Anna.” Jo said with a chuckle. 

 

“Oh my goodness. Your hair got darker and you got prettier. I can't believe I didn't even see you yet. You look so different.” Anna told her. 

 

“How do you all know each other?” Samamdriel spoke up, stepping forward. 

 

“Jo and I used to braid each other's hair and plan out our weddings, swearing to be each other's bridesmaid. We go way back. I'm talking eight years old.” Anna explained, smiling widely and sharing a laugh with Jo.

 

“Dean and I were friends.” Castiel said simply and Dean was going to give a smug grin when he kept talking. “He had a major kid crush on me back then.” 

 

At that, Dean's friends burst out laughing and Dean sighed heavily. It was  _ so _ close. Now, he'd never be able to convince them that it hadn't been a kid crush kind of thing. Castiel… And no, Dean couldn't even do that anymore. It was freaking Cas in his brain from then on and that was it. So,  _ Cas  _ looked amused at their response, especially Dean's. 

 

“Dude, we weren't- It wasn't a kid crush.” Dean muttered, hating how he felt hot around his neck. 

 

“You brought me flowers on a regular basis and you told me daily how pretty my eyes were.” Cas said gently, laughter in his tone. At his words, everyone started back to laughing. 

 

“I was eight!” Dean snapped. 

  
But, it was all ridiculous and the atmosphere was too light. The itch from where Cas refused to remember him was gone, taking the annoyance with it. There was a weight that was gone and Dean felt better. So, he rolled his eyes and ended up laughing with them


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Those boys. They were so cute. But, it was more than that. They had a way with each other that people of all ages were envious of. A bond like that, so profound? It transcends time and distance.” Mary told him seriously, her voice light but sure, and Sam found himself believing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four, enjoy! I'm glad you're all liking this! 
> 
> -sobs

“Hey, Sam, do you remember Cas and Anna when we were younger. You were about four?”

 

“Um. Not really. I do have a foggy memory of you bawling for hours on end because your friend fell out of a tree. You were sure he was dead, if I remember correctly. Why do you ask?” 

 

“Well, it's such a coincidence but he and Anna both go to this same college. Crazy, right?” 

 

“More like cool. What's that like? Weird?” 

 

“Well, kinda. He's different than from what I remember. But, then again, he isn't.” 

 

“And, Anna?” 

 

“Oh, right. She and Jo hit it off really well. They were always closer back then, anyway.” 

 

“Hmm. Well, I guess they'd be different. But, I don't doubt they think the same about you.” 

 

“Right… Yeah. Anyways, Sammy, I gotta go and study and stuff. Call you later, ‘kay?” 

 

“Yeah, no problem.” 

 

“Love you, squirt.” 

 

“Love you too, D-” 

 

There was a click and the line went dead. Sam blinked, staring at the phone as he pulled it away from his ear. He pursed his lips, confusion and blatant curiosity setting in. He knew his brother better than anyone, knew his ways. And, Dean was being odd. 

 

“What is it?” 

 

A soft touch gliding along his back paired with Jess’ soft words and Sam sighed. Her hands were soft but steady as she rubbed along his back. He wondered what Dean would think about her, what Dean would say if he told him that he frequently let her sneak into his room at night, what Dean would say if he told him that he sorta, kinda, maybe loved her. God, he wished he knew that, wished he could hear it. Sam could really use the advice from him. 

 

“Nothing. Dean's just being weird. Or, more so than usual.” Sam replied. 

 

“About what?” Jess asked, sitting up and putting her chin on his shoulder, eyes locking on his. 

 

“Some guy, I dunno. I think I'm gonna have to go ask mom about it.” Sam admitted. Jess hummed. 

 

“Call me later?” She asked as she slid off the bed and started pulling on clothes. Sam watched her reverse strip tease like her sure gestures held the answers to the world and she snapped her fingers in front of his face, making him blink and grin sheepishly. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” He agreed, standing. He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss. 

 

Then, Jess was shimmying out his window and expertly climbing down the tree beside his room. He loved that she could do that. He admired her for her determination. Sam was starting to realize that there wasn't much about Jess he didn't love or admire. Pushing that away because he had to focus, Sam puttered out of his room and went on a search for his mom, following her humming to find her. 

 

“Good morning, sweetie.” Mary said brightly as Sam walked in. 

 

“Morning, mom.” Sam replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek as he passed her to grab some Bacon.

 

“Wait until I finish the pancakes.” Mary scolded. 

 

“Of course.” Sam said graciously, snatching another piece as soon as she turned away. 

 

“Sam.” Mary said seriously, always surprising him,  because she knew even when she didn't see it. 

 

“So, mom, I talked to Dean this morning.” Sam said quickly, distracting her with ease. 

 

“Mhm? How is he?” Mary asked softly and Sam knew she was smiling fondly.

 

“Doing good, not dead yet, or arrested, so there is that.” Sam teased and Mary tutted at him. 

 

“Don't play like that.” 

 

“No, seriously though. I gotta question.” 

 

“Go for it.” Mary said, turning to him curiously. 

 

“Do you remember Dean's old friends, Cas and Anna? Jo's friends, too. Apparently, they all met up in that same college.” Sam said. 

 

He watched his mom closely, noting the way her eyes brightened with recognition and she smiled widely. Her shoulders drew up and she dropped her spatula like she was excited. A knowledge that Sam didn't understand sparked in her eyes and she leaned forward, looking especially interested then. 

 

“Really? That's so nice. Also, that's not a question. What did Dean say?” Mary said and Sam could tell she was tiptoeing around something else that she wanted to say. She just held back. 

 

“He was just saying how Cas was different but also the same. You know, it has to be weird. They were eight.” Sam said reasonably. Mary started shaking her head almost immediately. 

 

“No, definitely not. They were very close.” Mary said.

 

“Really?” Sam asked, interest piqued. 

 

“Those boys. They were so cute. But, it was more than that. They had a way with each other that people of all ages were envious of. A bond like that, so profound? It transcends time and distance.” Mary told him seriously, her voice light but sure, and Sam found himself believing her. 

 

“How can you be sure?” Sam asked, suddenly feeling like a small kid again. 

 

“Call it a mother's intuition or just plain having the gift of not being blind. I'm fairly sure we will be seeing Cas around when Dean comes to visit. That's  _ if _ Dean decides to let what came easy to him as a child come easy now. But… You know Dean.” 

 

“Yeah. I do.” 

.

.

.

 

“Hey.” 

 

“Hello, Dean.” 

 

Dean pursed his lips and glanced around the small and dingy library. Why the school had two, Dean would never know. But, this one had been the closest one, even if the other was better. 

 

Rolling his eyes at himself, Dean cleared his throat and shifted. Cas kept his gaze locked on him patiently, waiting for whatever he was going to say, seeming perfectly okay with the fact that Dean apparently had to work up to it. Despite the fact that Cas had grown up  _ a lot _ since they were littler, Dean could see some resemblance between them. 

 

Dean could recall a time that they had sat side by side outside and watched as ants picked up their bread crumbs and took it to their anthill and when Dean stated that he was bored, Cas had grabbed his hand and told him to wait, wearing the same exact expression as he had right then. Sure, there was some scruff on his chin and Dean could see the lines of his collarbone as his collar shifted, but those eyes were the same and that softness was all his. 

 

“Can I sit?” Dean managed in a strangled voice, half feeling proud and half feeling stupid for why that was so hard. Cas smiled at him. 

 

“Of course.” Cas said and motioned to the chair.

 

Dean sat down and shifted awkwardly in the seat. Cas still held his gaze, apparently still waiting to see if Dean was going to offer up anything else. And, Dean couldn't if he tried. So, he just stared back and wondered what he was doing there. 

 

Yes, he'd stepped in the library, unknowing that Cas had been in there. But, as soon as Dean seen him, he was crossing the floor and making his way over to him without any thought. It wasn't until he'd made it there and greeted him that he thought it was weird. 

 

Because, it kinda was. Childhood friends, crushes,  _ whatever  _ aside, Dean didn't really have any reason to hang out with Cas, except for simply wanting to. It wasn't like they were friends now and they had no classes together. They didn't bump into each other in the hall anymore and they hadn't talked since Cas recognized him, instead just giving each other tentative smiles and small waves. 

 

And yet, Dean still found himself talking about Cas. He did it a lot and without meaning to, never bad things though, just small little things that would always end up with him blushing. And, he was envious of the way Anna and Jo eased into a friendship and caught up. Dean didn't say it but he was anyway, not that anyone else knew that. 

 

Dean knew he had to say  _ something _ . Because, Cas was still staring at him. The stare wasn't giving anything away, really. It was just Cas staring at him, blue eyes wide and focused. Dean, naturally, found himself staring back instead of talking. He was looking at the blue eyes, the messy hair, the five o'clock shadow, and the slight natural rosy hue to his cheeks that day, indicating health. It took Dean few more moments of gazing to realize that they were literally just sitting there and staring at each for a very long time, not that Cas seemed to mind. 

 

“I needed to use the library and I saw you, so I figured I'd stop by and say hey.” Dean blurted out, needing to say something, needing to explain himself. 

 

“You can stay, if you like.” Cas said and only then did he go back to his book. 

 

Dean settled, feeling less idiotic than before. Cas seemed to genuinely not mind his presence. So, Dean took out his three reports that he had to do and the required books and notes. Silence laid between them but it was comfortable and even kinda nice. 

 

Dean got lost in his work and his mood lifted, practically soaring. He didn't know why but it felt good to sit right there with Cas. There was something comforting in learning that they could exist in each other's space, could be there beside the other but not a distraction. Sure, Dean sometimes had to flick his eyes back to his work when he found his gaze running up to Cas but it wasn't a negative thing. 

 

The time ticked by and Dean found himself enjoying this library more than he did the other. It was quieter and emptier. Dean felt like he was getting much more work done and that in the silence, he was getting everything easier. There was little rustling of papers and no attempted whispers between groups of students. It was nice and relaxing. So, Dean found out that he did like this library better and he tried to tell himself it wasn't because of who he was sitting by.

 

“Dean.” 

 

Cas’ voice pulled him out of his work and he looked up, blinking. Cas had his book put down, his hands folded together, almost clenching together tightly. Cas shifted and he seemed uncomfortable but the small smile on his face countered that. Curiosity gripped him and Dean leaned forward. 

 

“Yeah, Cas?” 

 

“Do you remember when we were younger and you pitched a fit until your dad agreed to take me and Anna with you and your family on that beach trip?” Cas asked him quietly and Dean blinked. 

 

“Oh, yeah. Dad was so annoyed but he eventually agreed, so I won. Why?” Dean said with a fond chuckle. Cas laughed quietly and shook his head. 

 

“Do you remember how you went out and picked out the prettiest shell and brought it to me as a gift?” Cas murmured, his gaze warm as it landed on Dean. 

 

“I- yeah, I do. I sliced my foot on another rock trying to get it.” Dean mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Cas hummed and nodded. 

 

“You just let it bleed so you could give me that shell. And, Anna cried when you wouldn't go get her one.” 

 

“She had such a crush on me.” 

 

“Yeah, she did.” Cas agreed in amusement. “But, you wouldn't give her the time of day.” 

 

“I was always after you.” Dean admitted quietly and he knew it was stupid to feel embarrassed on his eight year old self's behalf but he still felt a blush crawl up his neck and burn his cheeks. 

 

Dean tried to avoid it by averting his eyes but it wasn't long before his gaze flicked back up and got locked with Cas’ big blue eyes. Heat spread across his skin, itching back down his neck and flushing over his arms and chest. Cas was staring at him again but his gaze was intense, his blue eyes captivating. Dean was sucked in, not really having a choice, not being able to get free until Cas looked away abruptly. 

 

“I still have that seashell.” Cas murmured softly, his gaze softer and less heavy when he turned it back. 

 

Dean felt like he had been punched in his chest, his breath all sort of leaving him at once. He didn't know why he was so touched by the information and he didn't know quite what to do with the information. All he knew was that his lungs suddenly seemed smaller than they were previously. It was stupid but dammit, Cas made him stupid. 

 

“That's- I mean, that's cool, I guess.” Dean mumbled, his voice coming out in a strange croak. 

 

“Yeah.” Cas agreed and stood up. “Well, I should be going. See you later, Dean?” 

 

“Um, actually… Would you like to come over and play Call of Duty later?” Dean blurted out. 

 

“Sure. I'll be in my room all afternoon, so just step over and come get me.” Cas agreed easily, soothing any worries Dean had. 

 

“Okay, yeah.” 

 

Dean watched him leave and pretended that his heart wasn't hammering and his stomach wasn't clenching in a way that was vaguely nice. 

.

.

.

 

“Dammit, Cas, how'd you get so good at this!?” 

 

Dean tossed his controller aside and groaned as he watched Cas grin and gingerly sit his controller aside. His blue eyes were bright and his lips were curling up and up and up. Dean huffed out a breath and looked away. It wasn't fair. The game, he meant. 

 

“I suppose I had a good teacher.” Cas mused. 

 

“Well, he deserves to get his ass kicked for  _ ever _ showing you this game.” Dean replied and hopped up, moving to his fridge to grab two drinks. 

 

“I like this game.” Cas said. 

 

“Yeah, only cause you're winning.” Dean snorted, moving to sit back down, facing Cas.

 

“Better than scrabble.” Cas countered. 

 

“Bet you win at that, too.” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

Dean rolled his eyes and chuckled. Cocky blue eyed bastard. Speaking of, Cas shifted in his seat, looking like he wanted to say something but not knowing how.

 

“Got something you want to say, Cas?” Dean prompted. Cas cleared his throat. 

 

“I just- I wanted to know why you didn't tell me who you were.” Cas murmured. Dean blinked. 

 

“I guess… I just wanted you to remember on your own. I mean, I remembered you immediately and you didn't remember me, so I guess I didn't leave a good enough impression or something.” Dean admitted. 

 

“You don't look too different, Dean. With the freckles and green eyes, I  _ should've _ remembered you. But, I suppose I could recall you because you're the only one ever to call me Cas as a nickname.” Cas said. 

 

“It's cool, I guess. I'm not gonna lie, though. I  _ was _ kinda pissed you didn't remember me. I mean, we were best friends, man.” Dean teased and reached over, lightly shoving his shoulder. 

 

“Do you remember that time you couldn't come over to my house because you had to babysit Sam but you didn't tell me why?” Cas asked him with a smile. 

 

“Yeah, and you cried because you thought I didn't want to be your friend anymore.” Dean chuckled. 

 

“So, you snuck out and brought Sam with you and stayed over at my house.” Cas said fondly. 

 

“Dad was pissed when they got back from mom's art gallery. The cops were out looking for us all night.”

 

“Your mom thought it was adorable.”

 

“Your mom nearly had a heart attack when she found all three of us in your bed asleep.” 

 

“To be fair, she thought she'd go to jail on kidnapping charges. Which, that was an issue.” 

 

“Easily resolved.” Dean laughed. “God, we were so young, man. Makes me miss home.” 

 

“Do you still go home?” Cas asked him. 

 

“What? Oh, yeah, of course. Sammy is getting so old now, he's a teenager. Gotta keep him on the straight and narrow for mom.” Dean said lightly. 

 

“What about your dad?” 

 

“He passed away when I was sixteen. Car accident.”

 

“I'm sorry, Dean.” 

 

“No, it's okay. So, uh, what about you, huh? How's your family doing?” 

 

“I wish I knew.” Cas said with a small, sad smile, looking down at his lap. 

 

“What do you mean?” Dean asked, confused.

 

“I haven't seen my family since I was fifteen. I moved out to live with my older brother, Gabriel. There were some issues and my mother didn't see eye to eye with me. I refused to budge, so she told me that I either changed or left. And, well, I left.” 

 

“But, you're here with Anna.” 

 

“We stayed in contact. Anna made sure of that. Mother hated it, but Anna refused not to.” 

 

“Ah. So, it must be weird seeing her again.” 

 

“Mm, not really. She came over to Gabriel's house during the summer.” Cas said and shrugged. 

 

“Wow. That's…crazy. I never pegged Naomi as the type to do that.” Dean admitted. 

 

“We just clashed as I got older.” Cas hummed.

 

“So, how come I never met Gabriel. He was only, what, six years older than you? He wasn't living with you back then?” 

 

“No. At that age, he'd moved out to live with our older brother, Lucifer.” 

 

“Wait… Like…” 

 

“Yes, the devil. Well, actually an angel, but still.” 

 

“Did your mother hate all of her kids?” 

 

Dean realized too late how that might've came out. He immediately wanted to scramble and make it better. But, he didn't have to. Cas threw his head back and laughed loudly, his shoulders shaking. Dean stared at him, transfixed, and got wrapped up in Cas’ blue eyes as he looked back at him.

 

“I sometimes wonder the same thing. But, no. She's very religious, Dean. It's why we didn't get along.” 

 

“So, you didn't want to go to church and she kicked you out? Dude, that sucks.” 

 

Cas rolled his eyes and looked back down at his lap, grinning and shaking his head. By the expression on Cas’ face, Dean felt like he was missing something. Cas gazed back up at him through his lashes and  _ damn _ , his eyes were so fucking- No. Nope, Dean was definitely not going there. Absolutely not. 

 

“She kicked me out because I'm gay, Dean.” 

 

There was a beat of silence and then-

 

“That's stupid.” Dean blurted out before he could stop himself. It  _ was  _ stupid but Dean figured he shouldn't have reacted that way. 

 

“I agree.” Cas hummed and stood up, giving a smile. 

 

“You're leaving.” Dean stated, not a question. 

 

“Yes. I have a twelve page essay I can no longer avoid. Though, you did help me evade it and for that, I am thankful, Dean.” Cas said. 

 

Dean found himself grinning, a laugh slipping past his lips before he could even think. Cas’ eyes were bright and he looks amused as Dean walked him to the door. Dean liked the way Cas talked and the way Cas had such a dry wit, if not an innocent one. Dean also had the absurd urge to hug Cas before he left and Dean figured he just wasn't in his right mind. 

 

“Night, Cas.” Dean called after him, leaning in his doorway as Cas walked across the hall. 

 

“Goodnight, Dean.” Cas replied and smiled softly before shutting the door with a quiet click. 

  
Dean didn't know why but he couldn't stop grinning. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes, big brother Gabriel. And, this nice piece of hunk is Dean Winchester.” Cas answered them calmly, nearly completely monotone.
> 
>  
> 
> Dean did not, in fact, blush. It was a battle and he had to bite the inside of his cheek but he didn't outwardly react to Cas applying nice piece of hunk to him. As for Gabriel, he looked at Cas with a furrowed brow.
> 
>  
> 
> “Wait, like… The Dean Winchester?”
> 
>  
> 
> What? Dean's eyebrows shot up and Cas gave a sigh, almost like he wanted to be done with this whole conversation right now. Dean was still stuck on how Gabriel said that. What did he mean, The Dean Winchester? Did he have a reputation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys. I'll admit, this took way longer than it should've. But, I got hit with sudden writers block. HARD. I just couldn't get it together. Still feel iffy. But, I'm gonna push past this slump and get back to it. Please enjoy, everyone! 
> 
> -sobs

“Hello, Dean.” 

 

Dean grinned at Cas as he fell into step beside him. Cas smiled back at him, holding a textbook to his chest. The sight was, admittedly, kinda adorable. 

 

“Hey, Cas. Where you headed?” Dean chirped. 

 

“I have free time and I figured I would walk up to the House Café and enjoy some coffee.” Cas said. 

 

“Oh.” Dean hummed, blinking. “Wanna ride?” 

 

Dean waited as Cas looked at him funny. And sure, maybe that was an odd offer. Dean was heading to wash his car, like he did every Thursday. His friends were already settling out on the grass and waiting to watch him do manual labor. He was even holding a hose and bucket with a sponge in it. 

 

“Are you not preoccupied?” Cas asked pointedly. 

 

“Nah, not really. I can easily give you a ride. If you want.” Dean said casually. Like friends do, he thought.

 

“Well…” Cas said and bit his lip. “No, no, I won't put you out. I was planning on walking anyway. It's a beautiful day. Though, you're welcome to join me.” 

 

“Okay, sure.” Dean agreed. “Yeah, I'll come.” 

 

Cas smiled at him and Dean's stomach did a strange flipping motion. They walked in comfortable silence across the lawn. Dean veered off towards his car and motioned for Cas to follow. Cas did.

 

“Hey, Dean.” Benny greeted, chewing on an apple..

 

“What's up, Benny.” Dean said and walked over to his baby. He opened her trunk and threw the stuff in. 

 

“What are you doing, Dean?” Charlie asked in confusion, nearly falling into Jo's lap as she leaned to watch Dean put away his things. 

 

“I'm gonna head to the House Café with Cas but I'll see you guys later, okay?” 

 

“You're not going to wash baby?” Jo asked, straightening up suddenly. 

 

“Maybe tomorrow.” Dean said and waved his hand. 

 

“You have your essay due tomorrow.” Benny reminded him, arching an eyebrow. 

 

“Oh, right. Well, I guess I'll just wash her next Thursday. No big deal.” Dean said nonchalantly and closed her trunk, moving back over to Cas. 

 

“What, are you joking?” Charlie asked, scrambling to her feet and pulling Jo with her. 

 

“No…?” Dean said but posed it as a question. He stared at their shocked faces in confusion. 

 

“You've never missed baby's bathing day. Ever. You're out here every single Thursday.” Jo told him. 

 

“So, she can miss a wash. Chill out.” Dean said with an awkward laugh. He shot Cas a look and Cas looked equally bewildered, so he shrugged. 

 

“Miss a… Are you feeling alright, brother?” Benny asked, frowning at him. Dean scowled. 

 

“I'm fine. I'll just wash her next week. Jesus.” 

 

Dean shook his head and scoffed, walking up to Cas and motioning for them to go. Cas simply tilted his head and squinted at him, like Dean's some hard equation he can't figure out. It took Dean back to when they were young and Cas would look at him like that every single time Dean called him pretty. 

 

“Can you believe them?” Dean coughed. “Ready?” 

 

“Yes, Dean.” 

 

Dean chuckled and started strolling along, Cas easily falling into step with him. They walked across the lawn and Dean took one last glance back at his friends before they turned the corner to the sidewalk and he almost laughed at their dumbfounded expressions. He rolled his eyes fondly and turned his eyes on Cas, who was walking in comfortable silence.

 

“Hey, do you remember that time you fell out of that tree and ended up in the hospital?” Dean asked suddenly and Cas immediately laughed. 

 

“Yes, I do.” Cas hummed. “I wanted to fly.” 

 

“I can't believe I encouraged you.” Dean said and wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. 

 

“You told me I could fly because I was an Angel. Of course, I believed you.” Cas chuckled. 

 

“I'm still pretty sure that you caught some air there for a moment.” Dean teased. 

 

“I'm sure I did, right before I landed and broke my arm. Which, that hurt.” Cas said. 

 

“Looked like it did.” Dean agreed. 

 

“I think you screamed louder than I did. Actually, I think you cried more than I did.” Cas teased, turning to look at him in amusement. 

 

“I was eight!” Dean defended himself.

 

“As was I.” Cas shot back. Dean huffed and reached out, lightly shoving Cas. 

 

“Shut up, man. I was just worried about you.” 

 

“You were.” Cas agreed. “You didn't stop crying until they let you in the room to see me.” 

 

“I've been saying this a lot lately but, I was eight!” 

 

“Eight wasn't a very good time for you, was it, Dean?”

 

“Oh, shut up.” 

 

They continued on and Dean felt jittery, sort of keyed up. He kept wringing his hands and glancing around at everyone as they passed them. Cas seemed content to just stroll along but he watched Dean in obvious amusement. 

 

“Dean.” Cas said, a smirk slowly curling his lips upwards. “You're acting strangely.” 

 

“No, I'm just… I don't know.” Dean laughed awkwardly and rolled his shoulders.

 

“How's Sam?” Cas asked abruptly. 

 

The question took Dean by such surprise that he slowed and relaxed as he considered the question. His eyebrows flew up and a grin slipped on his face as he started thinking of his little brother. 

 

“Sam? He's- uh, he's good. He's doing amazing in school and he has himself a girlfriend. Real do gooder, mom's proud. I am, too.” Dean admitted. 

 

“He was always so smart, for a four year old.” 

 

“Yeah. Just got smarter as he shot up.” 

 

“How's your mom?” 

 

“She's going really good. Got a steady job that she actually likes. She edits cookbooks and she actually gets to slip some of her own recipes in the books sometimes. Also, she helps out at the animal shelter a lot. She was a bit rough after dad died but, uh, she's gotten better.” Dean said, shrugging slightly. 

 

“I remember your father. He wasn't a man to be forgotten.” Cas murmured softly. 

 

“No, he wasn't.” Dean said and cleared his throat gruffly. “And, you can remember him, huh, but not me? How's that right?” 

 

“I'm not sure, Dean. It's strange, I'll admit. I should've remembered you, especially with how enthralled with you I was.” Cas said. 

 

Dean nearly tripped right into the sheet, stumbling with the force of the effect those words had on him. This whole time, everyone talked about how  _ he _ was into Cas when he was eight. No one really mentioned how Cas had felt. Yet, Cas just laid it out, letting the words flow out smoothly, no shame or defensiveness, clearly a thing of the past. 

 

Cas reached out and grabbed his elbow, steadying him, because Dean nearly did trip right into traffic. Dean blinked and coughed, glancing quickly at the long fingers wrapped around his arm before they dropped. Dean's eyes ran until they paused, meeting Cas’ concerned blue orbs.  _ So blue _ . 

 

“Are you alright?” Cas asked him. 

 

“What- yeah. I'm- I just mistepped. No, I'm good. Thanks, though.” Dean said quickly. 

 

“Okay, good. Please refrain from dying, if you will.” Cas chuckled, shaking his head. 

 

“Yeah, I'll try. Um, actually, can we go back for a moment. You know, everyone talks about how into you I was when I was eight, yet no one says a thing about how you were into me.” Dean blurted out. 

 

Cas stared at him for a moment and his lips twitched. Shaking his head, he slowly started strolling back up the street. Dean easily kept up, noting that the coffee shop was about a block away. 

 

“It is amusing to rile you up, Dean. You get oddly defensive, especially for someone who has no issues with homosexuality.” Cas told him. 

 

“Oh, is that what that is?” Dean huffed and Cas chuckled, throwing him a quick grin that Dean found himself staring at until it disappeared like smoke. 

 

“Yes. You get rather flustered, which is endearing. Rather, I'm guessing your friends think it's endearing. Not that I do. Or don't. You know what I mean.” Cas said and Dean watched in amazement as a blush peppered through his scruff and ran down his neck. 

 

“I see how it is, laugh at me all you want, I don't care. I just feel that I have to defend my eight year old self. The poor guy went through a lot.” Dean chuckled. 

 

“He did.” Cas allowed. “Defending him, though? That would be redundant. The kid crush was blatantly obvious, no matter how defensive you get.” 

 

“Blatantly obvious!?” Dean echoed, spluttering. “How do you figure?” 

 

“Maybe you blocked out most of it but I do recall a green eyed, freckled little kid chasing after me like the sun set and rose at my command.” Cas hummed. 

 

“Excuse you? That green eyed, freckled little kid was just a really good friend.” Dean retorted. 

 

“A good friend with a slight obsession with my eyes and by slight, I mean massive.” Cas shot back. 

 

“Massive, my ass! So, I had a thing for blue eyes, that was just a learning curve.” 

 

“Sure! Do you still have a thing for blue eyes?” 

 

Cas whirled around suddenly, placing himself directly in front of Dean. The question washed over Dean and he opened his mouth to answer but Cas’ sudden move had him going still and snapping his mouth shut. 

Cas stared at him, waiting. It was only then that Dean realized that they were at the coffee shop and Cas was leaning against the door, waiting to push it open by walking backwards. Waiting for an answer. To the question. The one about if he still had a thing for blue eyes. Which, speaking of, Cas’ eyes were gazing up at him through long, thick black lashes, so blue and so enrapturing, and yeah, Dean figured he definitely still had a thing for blue eyes. 

 

“I'm not picky.” Dean coughed out. 

 

Cas hummed and rolled his eyes, walking backwards and motioning for Dean to step inside. Dean did so quickly, actively not thinking about how he had to brush past Cas’ warm body to get inside. Cas followed him in and immediately, there was a chorus of greetings, all meshing together.

 

“Hey, Cassie!” 

 

A short man with shoulder length hair, hazel eyes, and a wide grin walked up. Dean looked at him, frowning with how he stepped right up to Cas and gave him an easy hug. It was comfortable, like it happened all the time. Which that didn't put Dean out at all. Really, it didn't. 

 

“Gabriel.” Cas greeted and Dean jolted. 

 

“Older brother Gabriel?” Dean asked and they both glanced at him. 

 

“Ooh ho, who's this nice piece of hunk, Cassie?” The man, Gabriel, asked with twinkling eyes and a bright smile. Dean shot a look at Cas who, if you didn't know any better, looked completely unaffected. But, Dean saw through that and seen the amusement easily. 

 

“Yes, big brother Gabriel. And, this nice piece of hunk is Dean Winchester.” Cas answered them calmly, nearly completely monotone. 

 

Dean did not, in fact, blush. It was a battle and he had to bite the inside of his cheek but he didn't outwardly react to Cas applying  _ nice piece of hunk _ to him. As for Gabriel, he looked at Cas with a furrowed brow. 

 

“Wait, like…  _ The _ Dean Winchester?” 

 

What? Dean's eyebrows shot up and Cas gave a sigh, almost like he wanted to be done with this whole conversation right now. Dean was still stuck on how Gabriel said that. What did he mean,  _ The _ Dean Winchester? Did he have a reputation? 

 

“Yes, Gabriel, him. Now, will you please let us go to my table?” Cas huffed. 

 

“Yeah, baby bro, have fun. Safe word's dick, as usual. Lemme know when you’re ready.” Gabriel said easily. 

 

“It's not a date, Gabriel.” Cas muttered and walked away, leaving Dean to follow. 

 

Dean was left believing that the recent encounter left him with more questions then he should have. However, he had no choice but to follow Cas as he led them towards the very back left corner of the cafe. Cas slid in the booth and Dean slid in across from him, just sitting, staring, and waiting. Cas looked down at the menu that Dean was positive he didn't need. 

 

“Cas.” Dean said and cleared his throat. Cas slowly glanced up and Dean arched an eyebrow. 

 

“What, Dean?” Cas asked, only slightly sharply but Dean felt the cut of his words anyway. 

 

“Why'd you tell Gabriel it wasn't a date?” 

 

“I wasn't aware that it was.” 

 

Cas sort of squinted at him and tilted his head, clearly turning the tables onto him. Which, not cool. Because, Dean had  _ not _ meant it like that,  _ not at all _ . He wasn't suggesting they were on date, merely questioning why Cas had to clarify that. He'd hoped to start off with what he thought was the easiest and work his way up to  _ The _ Dean Winchester moment. Somehow, he thought he got duped and felt a bit lost.

 

“I'm not saying it is, I'm just-” 

 

“Do you want it to be?” 

 

All the breath in Dean's body left him in one great whoosh and he clamped his mouth shut so none could escape back in. Cas was still squinting at him, head still tilted in a way Dean should definitely  _ not _ think was cute. 

 

The pause had stretched past awkward and landed somewhere in the worrisome zone. Dean didn't know why but he just couldn't say a word. It made no sense because his mind was running rapid with thoughts that he knew he should be saying. Like, no, he didn't want to be on a date with Cas. Like, hey, they were just friends. Like, what about you, asshat, do  _ you _ want it to be a date? 

 

Dean had plenty of things to say but instead- 

 

“I'm not gay.”

 

It was, in no way, an answer to the question. He knew that. But, it's what fell past his lips. Which was odd because it was one of the few things that hadn't been blaring in his mind at the time. 

 

“You being heterosexual has nothing to do with you wanting a date with me.” Cas told him blandly. Which,  _ yeah _ , Dean knew that, but hell. 

 

“I want to know why Gabriel knows who I am and I want to know...all the rest.” Dean said and he wasn't very eloquent but relief slammed through him like a punch. Ha, turn those tables Cas. 

 

“Gabriel thinks it's amusing to give me a safeword in case I want to be “rescued” from any given situation, especially dates. It's meant to mock me because he believes I won't willingly say  _ dick _ unless I absolutely needed to.” Cas explained with a sigh. 

 

“Huh.” Dean mumbled. “And, the other?” 

 

There was a pause in which Cas glanced away and raised a hand slightly, waving it. Before Dean could even process this, Gabriel was sliding right up to the table, grinning widely. 

 

“The usual?” Gabriel asked Cas. 

 

“Yes.” Cas answered. 

 

“Figured. You have a thing about going back to first loves.” Gabriel teased and winked at Cas. 

 

“Gabriel.” Cas said and frowned, his tone a warning. 

 

“Alright, I'll stop.” Gabriel huffed, turning his attention to Dean. “And, what can I get for you, bucko?” 

 

“Uh, coffee.” 

 

“Simpleton.” 

 

“Okay. Coffee and...pie. Do you have any pie?”

 

“Yes, we have-” 

 

“Surprise me.” 

 

Dean wasn't trying to be rude, he really wasn't, but damn. Dean really wanted to talk to Cas,  _ alone _ , and he doubted that Gabriel understood that clearly. 

 

“Okay, as you wish. Be back soon.” 

 

Thankfully, Gabriel swept away and Dean was left with Cas. Dean turned his gaze to Cas’ and pinned it there, hoping the weight of it would make Cas talk. And, the blue eyes averted a few times before Cas visibly deflated and met his gaze. 

 

“When I was eight years old, I was very taken with you, Dean.” Cas told him. 

 

“Yeah, we clarified that, man.” Dean muttered. Stupidly, he fought a blush, anyway. 

 

“Simply put,  _ you  _ were how I knew I was gay.” Cas admitted, sighing heavily. 

 

Dean blinked. That made sense, he supposed.  _ The _ Dean Winchester, huh? The Dean Winchester who turned Cas gay. 

 

_ Oh _ . 

 

Then, abruptly, Dean laughed. Because, it was kinda funny when he thought about it. Cas acted as if it was something to be ashamed of. But, shouldn't Dean feel honored, or something to that effect.  _ He _ was the one who turned Cas gay. Big whoop. 

 

“That's all?” Dean chuckled. “I thought I had a  _ bad _ reputation, or something I didn't know about. My friends wouldn't have ever let me live it down if I did.”

 

“Dean, I was gay before I knew you. But, it was you who helped me realize it.” Cas told him. 

 

“Cool, I guess.” Dean said and shrugged. 

 

“You really don't care?” Cas murmured and frowned. 

 

“Why would I? You're gay, so what? I'll admit that I was a bit confused at first. But, it's you, man.” 

 

“Okay. Admittedly, I was worried that you would be offended or somehow bothered.” 

 

“Not really. It's kind of like when I met Rita in seventh grade and decided that I liked girls. I get it.” 

 

Cas stared at him and slowly nodded and Dean relaxed. Answers. That's all he needed. And, there was nothing that could get him down after Gabriel brought out the pie. 

 

He and Cas were talking and laughing, like friends did. Dean was eating pie and watching Cas pick at his muffin. Everything was fine. 

 

Everything was fine. 

  
Except, it wasn't. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep getting sucked into Dean's orbit. He couldn't keep staring into his eyes and losing his ability to think rationally or breathe. He couldn't sit around and wait for Dean to figure himself out. He couldn't handle that.
> 
>  
> 
> “I want to kiss you.”
> 
>  
> 
> And, apparently, he didn't have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, everyone, here we are. I did mention something about Cas' POV, did I not? Also, things can't stay good forever. So, here's six. I'm feeling good about this one. Enjoy!
> 
> -sobs

Cas was going to absolutely, one hundred percent  _ murder _ whoever was knocking on his door this early in the morning. Glancing through bleary eyes to his clock, it was three AM to be exact. 

 

Groaning, Cas managed to roll out of bed and stumble to his door. He knew that it wasn't exactly proper to open his door with a megawatt glare on full blast but he was in no mood to care. When he wrenched his door open, he wanted whoever was behind it to  _ feel _ his intense disdain. 

 

Unfortunately for him, it was Anna and Samandriel. Therefore, it had no effect at all. Anna grinned at his haphazard appearance but Samandriel, at least, seemed sympathetic. Cas took one glance at their outfits, noting the cleaner and crisper look of them, and immediately went to shut the door. 

 

“Oh, no you don't.” Anna said, catching the door with her hand. “Up and at em, big brother. We're going out and you're coming with.”

 

“Nice of you to offer, but-” 

 

“Not offering. Budge over, I have to help you find some nice clothes to wear.” 

 

Anna pushed past him and Cas sighed. Samandriel shrugged sheepishly and pushed his way in right after her. Cas knew it was pointless but he still glanced at his bed with longing. Oh, how he wanted to sleep. 

 

“Anna, I don't  _ want  _ to go out.” 

 

“As your sister, I am required to point out when you're whining like a baby. Here I am, pointing it out.” 

 

“Castiel, don't try to fight her on this. She's a force to be reckoned with. I tried and she wouldn't have it at all.” Samamdriel said. 

 

“As your cousin,” Anna began. “I am required to-” 

 

“Nothing. You're relieved of all familial duties as of now.” Samandriel cut her off. 

 

“Ah, come on, guys. Don't be like that. We're going to a party.” Anna said and smiled widely. 

 

Then, without preamble, Anna waltzed into Cas’ closet and began digging around. Cas slumped on the bed and scratched at the scruff that began growing on his face. He supposed he'd have to shave to please Anna. She seemed particularly keyed up for tonight, which wasn't that unusual. But, still. 

 

“Did she say what party we'd have to endure?” Cas murmured, looking up at Samandriel. 

 

“No. She just said that a friend invited her and that she plans to rebel so hard that pictures get back to Aunt Naomi.” Samandriel said and bit his lip. 

 

“Oh, wonderful.” Cas sighed. 

 

“You see, we  _ have  _ to go. If only to watch after her.”

 

“ _ Or _ , we could all just stay in and watch a movie.” 

 

Anna laughed as she stepped out of his closet and dumped clothes into his lap. Cas frowned down at the blue and black fabric before glancing back up at the apparently amused Anna. 

 

“Not happenin’, captain. Now, get dressed.” 

 

Cas knew he didn't really have a choice. Sisters were like that. He sighed and moved to his bathroom.

 

“Oh, and shave your face!” 

 

Cas slammed the door right after her shout, scowling into the mirror. His hair was everywhere and the scruff on his face was unkempt. He almost wanted to keep it out of spite. But, Anna wouldn't stand for it and he knew it, much preferring to not have to outrun her when she held a razor. 

 

A good fifteen minutes later, Cas emerged feeling clean and fresh. Anna grinned brightly, inhaling and humming in a pleased way. He guessed the cologne was a good idea. However, her grin dimmed when she saw his hair, half up and half squashed to his head. Anna tutted and moved forward, hands raised. 

 

“No.” Cas said and pointed at her. 

 

“Oh, come on. You look so good. That blue shirt brings out your eyes, those black jeans fit so nicely, you smell good. Just let me fix your hair. Please?” 

 

“No.” 

 

“Cas-” 

 

“ _ No _ .” 

 

Anna deflated and Cas hummed in triumph. There were just some things he wouldn't budge on. Samandriel nodded at him seriously as if he too understood the war against determined sisters. 

 

“Alright, whatever. Let's go.” 

 

Anna led them from his room and clear out of the building. The party appeared to be at the other dorms across the campus, which was normally where they were held. Cas didn't mind the walk and breathed the cold night air deeply, watching the tendrils of smoke his breath left in the air from his exhale. 

 

The house appeared quiet from the outside, despite the few stragglers that were outside. There were bursts of noise but they didn't drift very far out. The party was just on the verge of rowdy but not enough to be problematic, which was convenient, Cas thought. 

Cas’ hair ruffled in the breeze and he reached up, running his hand through it, upsetting it and making it all stand up. Anna grinned up at him and he sighed quietly, sharing a look with Samandriel. 

 

It was going to be a  _ long _ night. 

 

They all climbed the steps, passing a small group standing in front of the porch. They were all wearing hoodies and smoking cigarettes, talking amongst themselves, little bursts of laughter sounding every few seconds. Then, Anna was ringing the doorbell four times consecutively until the door yanked open. 

 

“Anna, and co!” 

 

Jo wore a black v-neck that clung in all the right places, red skinny jeans that were tucked into black boots, and her hair was down and very soft looking. Her smile was bright and her eyes appeared slightly glassy. She was clearly buzzed. 

 

“Jo! Hey, how are you?” Anna said happily. 

 

“Good, good. Come on, the party's just getting started. Hey, Cas. And, Sam, right?” Jo said, turning to each person in turn before stopping on Samandriel. 

 

“Samandriel.” He corrected, smiling slightly, dimples flashing anyway. Jo arched an eyebrow.

 

“Well,  _ Samandriel _ , you look like you could use a drink. Come with me.”

 

Cas watched as Samandriel went to protest and Jo cut him off by sliding her arm through his and pulling him straight into the fray. Samandriel looked back, his eyes wide, pure fear in his features, and Cas couldn't help the way his lips curled up. 

 

“Let's go, Cas.” 

 

With that as her only warning, Anna walked through the doorway and almost immediately turned left into another room. Cas almost went home right then, came very close to doing so, but he knew Anna would be pissed the next time he seen her. Even her future wrath wasn't worth it. So, he heaved another quiet sigh and stepped through the doorway, shutting it behind him as he stepped into the house. 

 

Anna was already lost and he had no idea where she went. He glanced into the room to his left that he seen her walk into but he didn't see a flash of her bright hair anywhere. So, he kept moving, sliding by the people all drinking and laughing and lingering in the walkways and doorways. 

 

He passed the kitchen and didn't even bat an eye at the two girls on the counter that guys were doing body shots off of. He heard when the guys came up for air and roared in victory as if they'd actually done anything. Cas just kept going, pushing until he was at another door, this time it was closed. 

 

“Hey, man!” 

 

An arm slammed around his shoulders, drink sloshed onto his wrist and breath brushed over his cheek and ear. Cas jerked away and turned to glare at the offending person. He didn't recognize the guy and the guy blinked when he turned around. 

 

“Can I help you?” Cas asked sharply. 

 

“Woah, man, loosen up. I thought you were someone else. Calm down, dude. Here, have a drink.” 

 

And, that was how Cas ended up with a bright pink glass in his hand filled with something that smelled so strong he cringed at it. The guy walked off and Cas frowned down at his drink. It wasn't as if he'd never drank alcohol before, it was just that he didn't really want to have a hangover in the morning. 

 

Cas gripped the glass and barely refrained from sitting it down somewhere but he knew that it would spill and leave a mess. Sighing, Cas pivoted and headed back to the kitchen, almost tripping when the door behind him hit him in his back as someone opened it from the other side. Cas didn't even glance back, just kept moving to the kitchen. 

 

When he made it back, two different girls were lying on the counter and a guy and a girl were doing body shots off of them. The girl had red hair and Cas almost thought it was Anna but the bracelets on the girl's wrist told him different. And, when the redhead popped up and whooped, laughing, it turned out to be someone else, someone he vaguely recognized. 

 

The redhead was high fiving all the guys and the girls she did the body shot off of was pulling off a blindfold, giggling and blushing bright red. Cas found something amusing about the scene and he smiled slightly. It was then that the redhead made eye contact. Immediately, her eyes lit up and she grinned widely. 

 

“Castiel! Cas! Hey, it's me, Charlie!” 

 

The redhead, Charlie, started over to him. He remembered her then. She was Jo's roommate. He nodded and waved at her, thinking that acknowledgment would be enough. 

 

It wasn't. 

 

“Hey, wanna do a body shot?” Charlie asked him as soon as she reached him. 

 

“No, thank you.” Cas replied easily. 

 

“Cool, but  _ I  _ do!” 

 

Cas didn't know what it was about determined and enthusiastic women but he just couldn't refrain from getting swept up in their storm, especially when they set their sights on him. Charlie wasn't having any of his protests and she was surprisingly strong for such a thin girl. With much sputtering that she ignored, Cas somehow found himself pushed back on the counter with Charlie's bubbly voice talking faster than he could keep up with or even comprehend. 

 

Charlie started rolling up his shirt and everyone around them was laughing and yelling out encouragements. Cas reached up and caught her hands, holding them in place. 

 

“I don't think-” 

 

“Oh, come on, Cas! It'll be fun. Relax, it's just me.” 

 

Cas opened his mouth before slowly letting it fall shut. It wasn't peer pressure. Her eyes were sincere, her smile warm. She meant well and she just wanted to have fun and she invited him to as well. It was well intended and Cas didn't see any harm in that. 

 

So, Cas just shook his head and dropped his hands, letting her do as she pleased. Weird as it was, Cas trusted her. In the short moments that he'd spent with her before, she'd been someone he'd genuinely liked. 

 

She rolled his shirt up and offered him the blindfold, giving him the choice. He just shrugged and laid it by his hip. She chuckled plucked a lime slice and put it to his lips. Rolling his eyes, Cas took it between his lips, waiting patiently. He watched as salt was sprinkled up his chest. Then, Charlie held up a shot glass and winked at him before downing it. 

 

Cas watched as the red crown of her head dipped and crinkled his nose as wet tongue slid across his skin. It was amusing and it kinda tickled, but in a good way. Then, hazel green eyes were meeting his as a hint of soft lips brushed his. Charlie stepped back, sucking the lime before dropping it and grinning. 

 

Cas laughed as she roared in victory, throwing her hands up and high fiving all the guys around her and a few girls. Cas started rolling his shirt back down, shaking his head at Charlie's antics. She laughed at him and stepped back up to him, poking the bit of stomach he still had to cover up. 

 

“Don't get any ideas, Charlie. I'm gay.” Cas told her, not unkindly, and smiled. Charlie snorted. 

 

“Lose the ego, Milton. So am I.” Charlie said. 

 

Cas was about to comment on that when he looked to the doorway. The words froze his throat, mind completely going blank. Green eyes were wide, locked on to him, and lit up with surprise. Cas wondered just how long Dean had stood in the doorway, his mouth parted in shock. 

 

“What is it, Winchester!? Never seen a body shot before!?” Charlie shouted, grinning widely, a certain glint in her eye that suggested she'd known he was there the entire time. 

 

And, Cas had trusted her. 

 

Whatever response Cas had expected from Dean, it wasn't him turning and leaving the room altogether. Before Cas even knew what he was doing, he pushed his shirt all the way down and sprinted after him. Well, sprinted as much as one could within the crowd. 

 

Cas’ mind was pretty much on autopilot, no real thoughts turning over at all. And, with as much as time that Cas spent actively  _ not _ thinking about Dean Winchester, he should've been proud of that. Except, he actually wasn't and sort of concerned. 

 

Cas finally caught up to Dean outside. It felt good to gulp in the fresh air and get some space from outside. What  _ didn't _ feel good was Dean ignoring him when he called his name. Dean continued to ignore him until Cas reached out and grabbed his shoulder. 

 

“ _ What _ .” Dean said and it wasn't a question. It was a sharp accusation and Cas blinked. 

 

“What, what?” Cas said immediately, not even thinking before he spoke. He tilted his head, confused by Dean's whole demeanor. 

 

“Charlie's gay, you know.” Dean informed him, narrowing his eyes at him. 

 

“I know. She just told me.” Cas murmured, his brow furrowing. What did that even have to do with  _ anything _ ? Dean snorted but it was bitter. 

 

“Did she let you down easy or…?” 

 

Wait.  _ What _ ? 

 

“Let me- Wait. Dean, I'm gay.” Cas said. 

 

“Didn't exactly look like it.” Dean scoffed. 

 

And, Cas wanted to laugh. Well, sort of. It was just that Dean looked so petulant. While it bothered Cas that Dean assumed he would lie about something so- so  _ stupid _ to lie about, it was funny to see Dean look as if he was, well,  _ pouting _ . Just pouting because, what? Because he thought Cas wasn't gay? 

 

“I wasn't hitting on Charlie, if that's what you're worried about. She wanted to do a body shot and I didn't mind.” Cas informed him, still confused. 

 

“No, I can see that. In fact, you seemed to enjoy it!” 

 

Was that- no. There was absolutely no way that was jealousy. Dean Winchester was not jealous. Because if Dean was jealous that Cas was enjoying a body shot from  _ a girl _ , from  _ someone else _ \- No. Just. No. 

 

“It tickled.” Cas told him and shrugged sheepishly. He was not about to feel bad for that. 

 

“It- Are you kidding me, right now?” Dean snapped. 

 

“Okay, just what is your issue, Dean? I assure you, I wasn't hitting on your friend. I'm gay, I have no interests in her or any females, and it was innocent fun.” Cas said seriously, frowning. 

 

“I don't have a-” 

 

“Are you jealous?” 

 

The problem with Cas was that he often had no filter. Most of the things that passed his mind fell past his lips. For example, asking Dean if he wanted a date with Cas, that was a no filter moment. One he immediately wanted to take back after it happened. But, it was problem he'd had forever and he knew how to make his face blank and roll with it. 

 

Wanting to take it back didn't mean that Cas didn't enjoy the way Dean's face flitted over in surprise before it went slack. It didn't mean that he didn't enjoy the way Dean's, admittedly, pretty lips pressed together as he snapped his mouth closed. With a blank face, Cas enjoyed it  _ very _ much. 

 

Cas figured that it was a rare thing to fluster Dean Winchester and it pleased him that he was good at it. Like now. Dean was very clearly flustered. And, he had two options here. He could give Dean an easy out or watch him struggle. Cas almost wished that he was crueler than he actually was. 

 

“Don't be jealous, Dean. Charlie was your friend first, you have favor, and I sincerely doubt that'll change.” 

 

Relief crashed over Dean's face and  _ god _ , everything was obvious with him sometimes. It seemed like what Cas  _ really _ wanted to know from Dean was what he kept hidden or never showed. 

 

“I just- Uh, look, I'm sorry. That was wrong of me to kinda go off like that. Charlie's really important to me  _ and  _ Jo. We're just...protective.” Dean mumbled and scratched the back of his neck, hanging his head. 

 

“No, that's alright. Anna and I can be the same way with Samandriel. He's…soft. Almost too good sometimes.” Cas said easily. 

 

And, just like that, they were okay. 

 

Dean's head popped up and his eyes were warm, smile just on the side of a grin. God, he was just so  _ pretty _ . It made Cas annoyed more often than not. Dean never really seemed to notice. 

 

“Speaking of Samandriel, I should probably tell you that before I went to the kitchen, I saw him downing drinks like they were water.” Dean said. 

 

“Oh. Oh, no. This is not good.” 

 

Real concern pushed Cas to heading back to the party quickly. Dean chuckled and followed. But, he just didn't know. The last time Samandriel got drunk, he went streaking through their neighborhood and passed out the chief of police's daughter's tree house. 

 

Sure enough, when Cas pushed past everyone and into the living room, Samandriel was very intoxicated. He was very much a lightweight. It didn't take much to get him past his point. 

 

It explained why he was dancing in between three different girls, one who was Jo. His dimples were very prominent because his smile didn't drop at all, not even when he stumbled. The girls, sans Jo, were laughing and clinging closely to him, running their hands over him suggestively. Weirdly though, Jo was at his front, facing him and staring up at him as he stared back at her and swayed against her. 

 

“We should-” 

 

“Yep.” 

 

Cas started over, Dean at his side, but they didn't make it. They were cut off by Anna. 

 

“Hey boys! What are you two doing and why aren't you drunk?” Anna burst out. 

 

“Anna, do you see Samandriel?” Cas pointed out, nodding to him. 

 

“I do. Jo has him.” Anna said easily. 

 

“But-” 

 

“Oh, he's fine. Now, you two need to get relaxed. Here, have some drinks.” 

 

It was the second time that night that Cas was handed a pink cup. Dean glanced down at his with a furrowed brow before shrugging and downing it. Cas stared at him, watching the way his throat bobbed, watching how a stray drop slowly slipped down his plump bottom lip and over his chin. Cas swallowed and wisely passed his cup back to Anna. 

 

“No, thanks.” 

 

“Your loss. Here, Dean.” Anna said and passed Cas’ cup to him. Again, Dean downed it. Cas looked away.

 

“What now?” Cas mumbled. 

 

“ _ Now _ , we have fun!” Anna squealed. 

 

Before he knew it, Cas was being yanked into a good few party games. Dean sat beside him, getting more relaxed and loose as the night went on. Though, Dean didn't drink anymore. When alcohol was involved in the games, Dean opted for coke, just like Cas, despite the groans and boos. 

 

After a few games that he didn't really try to hard to win, everyone moved to beer pong. It was amusing to watch because Dean got really into it. Plus, it was two of his friends against each other. Lisa and Benny were pretty even matched but Lisa managed to come out on top, which had all the girl screaming happily. 

 

When she won, Lisa turned to Dean and gave him a smug grin. Dean rolled his eyes at her but smiled back. Cas hadn't ever met her but Dean provided plenty of information. Old friend, from a different college, avid yoga student, and apparently really cool. 

 

Weed was brought out then and some people departed to dance or commit not so innocuous acts in some corner of the house. Cas planted himself between Benny and Dean, passing on the blunt, not because he didn't smoke weed but because he just didn't want to right then. Dean took two hits and that was it, passing it on after that. 

 

It was as everyone was getting giggly and very introspective that Cas happened to glance towards where he last seen Samandriel and Jo. They weren't dancing anymore, though Anna was. They were  _ gone _ .

 

“Dean.” Cas said quietly, turning to Dean. 

 

“Hmm?” Dean asked. 

 

“Samandriel and Jo are gone.” 

 

“Nice.” 

 

“No,  _ not _ nice. They are very intoxicated.” 

 

“Oh. Damn. We should find them, huh?” 

 

“I’d say so.” 

 

“Shit, I'm really comfortable.” 

 

“Well, stay. I'll go.” 

 

“No, no, I'm coming.” 

 

Dean heaved a sigh and pulled himself up, Cas quickly following him. They started their search in the living room and couldn't find them. They moved to the kitchen where they saw that Charlie had stopped giving body shots and was making out with a brunette in the corner. But, no Jo or Samandriel. They went to the room by the front door and basically no one but the people passed out were in there. 

 

“Upstairs?” Cas suggested. 

 

“Most likely.” Dean said with a grimace. 

 

“They seemed pretty comfy when they were dancing. You don't think…” 

 

“Oh, I know Jo, so I  _ do  _ think. Come on.” 

 

Cas followed Dean upstairs. It was known that all the hookups ended upstairs. He wasn't surprised to see people all in various displays on the second floor. He just averted his eyes once he saw that it wasn't Jo and Samandriel. Dean, on the other hand, would raise his eyebrows and nod as if to say  _ not bad _ . 

 

Dean started opening the doors, apologizing loudly whenever it wasn't who they were looking for. Cas got an eyeful more often than not and he was pretty much resigned to his fate. And, of course, Samandriel and Jo just  _ had _ to choose the very last room on the hall and they absolutely just  _ had _ to lock the chain. 

 

When Dean opened the door, it gave until quite abruptly, it didn't. It stopped suddenly as the chain locked up on them. They both seen Samandriel and Jo, though, so the point was moot. 

 

“Samandriel!” Cas yelled, knocking on the door. 

 

His yelling had the opposite effect of what he wanted. Jo and Samandriel started laughing at them. Cas frowned and shared a look with Dean. 

 

“Good going, man.” 

 

“Well. I don't see you helping.” 

 

Dean chuckled and then tensed up before slamming into the door, breaking the cheap lock quickly. The door banged open and Jo and Samandriel snapped their heads over to them. It was dark but the window was up and they could make out their shocked looks. 

 

“Dean?” Jo slurred. 

 

“Alright, up you go. Time to take you home.” Dean sighed, stepping forward. 

 

“Yes, Dean's right. Samandriel, we should leave.” Cas agreed, moving forward as well. 

 

“I'm naked.” Samandriel slurred, hiccupping and laughing. Cas glanced at Dean and they shared another look. 

 

“Yeah, definitely time to go.”

 

“I don't want to leave. We were just getting started.” Jo said, sitting up and frowning. 

 

“She's right.” Samandriel agreed, sitting up too, but only managing to get halfway up. 

 

“Come on. Just keep the sheet on and go to the bathroom. I'll bring you your clothes.” 

 

Jo sagged as if she'd been severely scolded. But, they both slowly got up, each keeping a sheet to where it counted. They both started towards the bathroom when Samandriel paused and leaned down, whispering in Jo's ear. 

 

Before either Dean or Cas could wonder what they were saying, the two bolted, laughing loudly. Dean cursed and ran after them and Cas could understand the cause for panic. The drunken idiots were heading straight to the window.

 

Cas couldn't get to them in time and Dean barely missed them. They both leaned out the window and glanced down into the bushes as Jo and Samandriel crawled out, still laughing, and ran across the lawn. 

 

“That's going to hurt in the morning.” Cas observed. 

 

“What the fuck? Where are they going?” Dean huffed.

 

“Somewhere private, I'm assuming.” Cas said. 

 

“Yeah, I got that, Cas.” Dean sighed. 

 

Dean pulled back into the house and turned around, slowly sliding down to sit with his back to the window. Cas pushed his lips from side to side before turning and sitting down beside him. Their arms brushed and they both glanced at each other at the same time. 

 

Cas had been doing so good too. So, so good. All night, he'd managed to not think about Dean so much. He hadn't once thought about how those green eyes were the most enticing thing he ever seen in his life. He hadn't once thought about how they used to be so cute when they were kids and how he knew with absolute certainty at age eight that he loved Dean. Hadn't once thought about how, with all the time and distance in between, those feelings hadn't changed. 

 

He wanted to push it off as some kid crush that carried on into age. He even wanted to say that he was just lonely after the break up with Balthazar. He wanted to because anything would be better than saying that he felt some connection to someone who he couldn't ever have. 

 

And, he wasn't stupid. He knew that there were moments that Dean felt something, whether it was a faint call back to their childhood or simple interest. But, Dean was ultimately stuck on being straight. And, who was Cas to say that he wasn't? He had absolutely no right to mess up Dean's feelings like that, but he  _ really  _ wanted to. Selfishly, he did. 

 

Cas couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep getting sucked into Dean's orbit. He couldn't keep staring into his eyes and losing his ability to think rationally or breathe. He couldn't sit around and wait for Dean to figure himself out. He couldn't handle that. 

 

“I want to kiss you.” 

 

And, apparently, he didn't have to. 

 

Cas blinked and scrambled to get oxygen to his lungs. Dean blinked back, looking just a surprised as him. The stupefied look on his face might've been funny any other time. Cas stared at him and cleared his throat, opening his mouth before closing it. He should say no, head Dean off. He can't do this with Dean. 

 

Instead, he says something else.

 

“Do you remember the day we left?” 

 

“Yeah. Yeah- I ran all the way from school to see you off.” Dean murmured, just staring at him. 

 

“I was so happy to see you.” Cas whispered. 

 

“I didn't want you to go.” Dean whispered back. 

 

“You were crying and you asked me to come live with you. I wanted to, just to be clear.” Cas said. 

 

“You kissed me, Cas. Do you- you remember that?  _ I  _ remember that.” Dean murmured. 

 

“I was eight.” Cas said weakly. 

 

“Explains why you kissed me and then ran away. But, we're not eight anymore.” 

 

“Acute observation, Dean, really-”

 

“God,  _ shut up _ .” 

 

It all happened so fast. Hands slid over his jaw and down his neck, through his hair. A nose brushed his and lips pressed into his lightly, soft but full. It was so quick and Cas couldn't figure out how he ended up there, couldn't understand where it was going. 

 

Dean pulled back and met his eyes in the dim light from the night sky. Cas waited for Dean to get up and leave, or to laugh it off, but he didn't. No, he pressed forward again, this time more firmly. 

 

It felt  _ good _ . Maybe too good because his mind couldn't keep up with his body. He was leaning forward, pressing closer, kissing back  _ hard _ . One of Dean's hands was in his hair, the other softly trailing his jaw, and Cas liked it. He liked everything that was happening in that moment. 

 

Dean caught his bottom lip and  _ tugged _ and it was like pulling a coil tight in his lower stomach. Heat unfurled through his chest and a flush spread over his body as he pressed even closer and sighed against Dean's lips. Dean's fingers tightened in his hair and pulled his head to a new, better angle. 

 

It wasn't until his hand landed on Dean's thigh that he got back on track. First off,  _ what was he doing _ . Good god, what was he thinking? He couldn't- they couldn't- Cas ripped away, breathing as if he'd just run a marathon, his chest heaving. Dean's eyes were bright, pupils blown, and his lips were slick and swollen. 

 

“We should- That's not- We can't-  _ Bad idea _ .” 

 

_ Really, really bad idea _ . 

 

“What?” Dean breathed out, staring at him. 

 

“I thought you were- Well, you said you were straight.”

 

“I- I am.” 

 

“Oh?” Cas asked and  arched an eyebrow at him because, clearly, he was just a bit mistaken on that.

 

“Okay, fair enough. I- I  _ am  _ straight. Just… Just not for you. Apparently. Trust me, I'm just as shocked as you are.” Dean muttered. 

 

Cas wanted to be angry but it wasn't nothing he didn't already know. He gritted his teeth and tamped down on the frustration that he felt anyway. Hastily, Cas stood up and turned to look down at Dean. 

 

“You're drunk, high, whatever. A bit of experimentation in college is understandable. No big deal, Dean. See you later.” Cas muttered and walked away, very firmly  _ not  _ looking back.

 

“But, I'm not drunk  _ or _ high!” Dean called after him. 

 

Cas closed his eyes and he could picture the stunned look on Dean's face. It irked him and made him want to stomp his foot like a child. He shook his head and paused at the doorway.

 

“It's okay. Everyone does crazy things when they're high and drunk. Goodnight, Dean.” 

 

With that, Cas pushed everything he felt, pushed everything he wanted to say, and pushed every traitorous thought in his head down, smothering it. 

  
Cas left. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And, I thought me kissing Cas was going to be the craziest news.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you are, lovlies. Enjoy! Drop a comment and talk to be about our faves!
> 
> -sobs

Dean didn't go to class the next day. 

 

And, apparently, he wasn't the only one. 

 

When the knock at his door came, Dean almost wanted to ignore it. Except, it was short and sharp, almost as if important. Dean rolled off the couch and moved to the door, opening it just a bit. He stared through the crack, fully prepared to slam it shut if it was someone he didn't want to see right then. 

 

It was Jo. 

 

“Let me in.” Jo croaked out. 

 

Dean did and she pushed in. She looked terrible. Her eyes were watery, her hair thrown up, and she wore a baggy hoodie and old jogging pants. Her skin was paler than normal and she had bruises under her eyes. Dean frowned at her. 

 

“Skipping today, Jo?” 

 

“Hypocrite. What's your excuse?” 

 

“Kissed Cas. You?” 

 

“Possible pregnancy. Want to eat ice cream and rant about it by any chance?”  

 

Any other time, Dean would say  _ God yes _ or something along those lines. But...she just said  _ possible pregnancy _ . Dean couldn't say anything. 

 

Jo ignored his gaping and moved to his freezer, pulling out the ice cream they both knew was there and grabbed two spoons. Dean just blinked, staring at her. The word  _ pregnancy _ bounced around his head like a tennis ball. Jo plopped down on the couch and curled in on herself opening the ice cream and taking a bite, watching him and waiting. 

 

“You're  _ pregnant _ !?” Dean burst out and moved to the couch, sinking down and staring at her. 

 

“I dunno yet. After last night, it became possible.” Jo mumbled, averting her eyes. 

 

“Samandriel!” Dean hissed, his fists balling up. 

 

“Stop! Dean, stop. It was… We're both at fault. Actually, probably more mine. I was on top.” 

 

“Ew. I didn't need to know that. And, who cares? I'm still going to kill him.” 

 

“And, what? Leave my hypothetical child fatherless?” Jo retorted sharply, narrowing her eyes. 

 

“Okay.” Dean said. “Okay, let's be rational. Just how possible is this possible pregnancy?” 

 

“No condom. I'm ovulating. We had sex three different times. Drunken sex, mind you. I didn't want him to pull out and he didn't want to either.  _ Very _ possible.” Jo listed, staring down at her spoon in open shame. 

 

“Jo.” Dean groaned. “This is- Oh, Jo. Okay, um, there is still a possibility that you aren't.” 

 

“Very low.” Jo said and her voice cracked. 

 

And, just like that, she burst out into tears. Jo wasn't a crier. She just didn't cry. Except, she was now. And, it wasn't any small, quiet tears either. She was outright sobbing, clutching the ice cream as her face twisted. 

 

It didn't take Dean two seconds to move close and slide the ice cream away, pulling her into his arms. She clung to him, bawling, and he held her. He rubbed her back and her tears soaked his shirt. He didn't mind and he let her cry until she couldn't anymore, holding her until she pulled away. 

 

“What am I going to do if- if… Dean, what am I supposed to do?” Jo croaked. 

 

“Hey, listen to me, calm down. I'm here, okay, and I got your back. Have you told Samandriel?” 

 

“I guess he knows. I don't know. I woke up this morning in his dorm, naked, my wrist killing me, and twigs and leaves stuck in my hair.” 

 

“Yeah, you two jumped out of a window. Cas and I tried to stop you but… Well.” Dean murmured. 

 

“Jumped out of a… What the fuck?” Jo muttered. 

 

“You were both drunk.” Dean said and shrugged.

 

“Yeah, I- I sort of realized that as I was walking home in only a sheet and sporting a killer headache.” 

 

“And, I thought me kissing Cas was going to be the craziest news.”

 

“You're a male, you can't get pregnant, and pregnancy scares trumps everything. But, your news is still a bit exciting. Finally realized you have the hots for your childhood crush?” Jo huffed. 

 

“I'm- I'm not gay, Jo.” Dean mumbled.

 

“Oh,  _ come on _ , Dean! You're bisexual. What's the big deal? You like girls and guys. I've known it forever, whether you have or not. You know what? Forget that, don't even label yourself. Be whatever, do whoever. Just- I don't know, be happy.” Jo said. 

 

“It's- it's not a big deal. Except, it kind of  _ is _ . I'm learning this about myself and I don't understand. I don't- I've never wanted a guy like I do Cas.” 

 

“So, you still do want Cas.” 

 

“I- yeah.” 

 

“Don't hesitate. Don't be ashamed, Dean.” Jo said seriously, leaning over to grab the ice cream. 

 

“I'm not. Look, I don't have anything against it. I don't even care if  _ I  _ am. I'm just so confused. I don't like that. I was fine believing I was straight.” Dean explained. 

 

“Confusion is alright, Dean. It's just a step to figuring yourself out. That's all we can do in this world is figure ourselves out.” Jo told him. 

 

“That's the thing. I thought I already had.” 

 

“Well, I never wanted kids, so.” 

 

Dean couldn't help the flash of pity he felt. He knew she'd hate it if she knew he felt it but he couldn't help it. But, this was  _ Jo _ . He'd grown up with her, knew her better than he knew himself. Jo never did want kids, not even when she was younger. She always wanted to travel and start up a chain of Roadhouse Bars. She was even in college for business management. 

 

Dean tried to imagine what Jo would be like with a child and he couldn't. In truth, he'd never pictured her with kids. Married? Maybe. Kids? No. It was something her and her mom fought about a lot and-

 

“Oh! What are you going to tell Ellen?” Dean blurted out, eyes wide and fixed on her. Jo froze. 

 

“No.” Jo said quietly. “I'm not telling her anything. Dean, promise me. You  _ can't _ tell her.” 

 

“Jo, she could help and maybe-” 

 

“Dean, no! Just-  _ please?”  _

 

“Dammit, Jo!” Dean snapped. “Alright, I won't tell her. But, if you are pregnant… You  _ have  _ to tell her at some point. You know that, right?” 

 

“Right. There's no point in getting her excited if it turns out that I'm not anyway.” Jo muttered. 

 

“I know but you can't just run from your problems.” 

 

“Again, hypocrite. What are you going to do about Cas? Go on and act like it never happened?” 

 

Dean paused and pursed his lips. What was he going to do? He couldn't just hide away forever. Inevitably, he would run into Cas again. So, why hide? Why not face it and deal with it? What's the worse that could happen? All he has to do is explain to Cas. 

 

“No.” Dean told Jo. “I'm gonna talk to him.” 

.

.

.

 

“And, so I'm just trying to figure myself out.” 

 

Dean finished and nodded, looking at Cas right in the eyes. He allowed himself to think they were pretty, because they were, and he felt better for it. He was still himself. He just liked girls  _ and  _ guys. 

 

He felt better because he'd actually talked to Cas. He'd caught him in their library, well, not  _ their  _ library, but still. Cas had sat their patiently while he explained, completely calm and seemingly understanding. He explained everything, how he was struggling with the new feelings and how Cas was the first guy he ever wanted to actually pursue. He'd let it all out.  He felt better and he just knew that Cas would understand.

 

“I understand, Dean.” Cas said and Dean grinned because he knew it. “Not everyone can just  _ know _ and I get that. I hope you figure it out.” 

 

_ I hope so, too _ .

 

“I hope so too and I'm glad that you get it. I'm especially glad that you're going to give me a chance to do just that.” Dean said and chuckled. 

 

_ So glad _ .

 

“Oh.” Cas said and frowned. “No, Dean, I'm sorry. I can't, uh,  _ give you a chance _ . If you wish to figure yourself out, do it with someone else. I don't think I can really help you there.” 

 

_ Wait, what _ ?

 

“What?” Dean asked and frowned. “But, you're the only guy that I- I mean, sure, I  _ notice _ guys but you're the first I've ever wanted to keep noticing.” 

 

_ Don't you get that? I want you. _

 

“As flattering as that is, I can't help you. Maybe after you've figured yourself out for sure you can come to me. But, until then, I can't. You understand, don't you?” Cas murmured softly. 

 

_ No _ .

 

“I- yeah, I get it. So… Just friends?” Dean asked. 

 

_ Say no _ .

 

“I would love to still be friends. You should know, Dean, that I support you no matter what.” Cas said and smiled at him. Dean swallowed. 

 

 _Friends._ _That's the last thing I want_. 

 

“That's- that's great, Cas. Me, uh, too.” 

 

_ This is horrible _ .

 

Cas smiled and went back to his book. Dean couldn't quite wipe away the disappointment on his face, so he turned and walked away, needing to process. 

 

_ I just got rejected _ .

  
Yeah, he definitely just got rejected. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think I'm falling in love with a guy.”
> 
>  
> 
> That was a big jump from I'm not sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be a few more days before the next update. Enjoy this guys and drop a comment for me! 
> 
> -sobs

“So! Mission, figure out Dean's sexuality so he can get to banging Cas!” 

 

Dean groaned as soon as he walked into his dorm. He loved his friends, he  _ really _ did. But, there were times that he wished he could be away from them. He was not in the mood and he doubted he would be for a while. He just wanted to be left alone. 

 

Lisa, Benny, Charlie, and Jo all sat on his couch together. They were clearly sprawled out all over each other but they didn't seem to care. Dean sighed and headed towards his bed. He could ignore them. 

 

“Where are you going, Dean?” Lisa called. 

 

“Away. Far, far away.” Dean called back. 

 

“Oh, come on! Talk to us, Dean.” Charlie yelled. 

 

“Still mad at you!” Dean yelled back. 

 

“He has mad abs!” Charlie taunted. 

 

Dean slammed his door and fell onto his bed, letting his head sink into his pillow. Ever since that  _ not _ date with Cas, his life has been pretty much fucked up. Why in the hell did Cas have to ask if he wanted it to be a date? Why, just why? He knows now that he did but he could've went his whole life  _ not _ knowing. 

 

Everything was very much  _ not _ fine. 

 

What's worse? Getting jealous over Charlie? That's worse, way worse. He'd just stood there, staring, and picturing it being him licking salt off of Cas’ chest and pulling the lime from his mouth with his own lips. Technically, Charlie's lips touched Cas’ before his did. He wasn't sure he was  _ ever _ going to get over that. 

 

And, Dean knew he was being dramatic. But, he couldn't help it. He and Cas were  _ friends _ and that was literally a step away from what he wanted. He wanted more than that but Cas was not on board for that. Why? Because, he didn't want to be Dean's experimental game. Which, that was fair. 

 

Dean still hated it and pretty much everything right now. Especially Cas’ stupid, stupid smiles. Which, he was seeing more of those because Cas really stuck to this  _ friend _ thing. Cas came to talk to him every single time he seen him and Dean didn't know how long he could handle it. He just wanted to grab his stupid face and kiss him. Wasn't that enough to have figured out?

 

Dean groaned loudly into the pillow, reaching up to push himself up and turn over. He huffed as he looked up at the ceiling. He had to stop. All he'd been doing since The Rejection™ was moping. He needed to get his mind off it. 

 

Dean decided to call Sam. He grunted as he fished his phone out of his pocket and pulled up the number. He could call Sam and then talk to his mother. Should be distracting enough for a little while, at least. After the fourth ring, Sam finally picked up. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Sammy, hey!” Dean said in faux cheer. 

 

“Dean! Hey, man, what's up?” Sam asked, happiness in his tone. It made Dean's heart squeeze and he missed his little brother so much then.

 

“Nothing much. You?” 

 

“Uh, yeah, actually. I've been meaning to call-” 

 

“What's wrong?” Dean asked in worry, sitting up abruptly. “Is mom alright? Are you?” 

 

“Yeah! We're okay, we're good. No, I just wanted to ask you when you were coming to visit.” Sam said quickly, laughing at Dean's unease. 

 

“Oh.” Dean said and relaxed. “Yeah, that's about a month away, Sammy. Excited yet?” 

 

“Very. I can't wait, actually. You get to meet Jess. Dean, I- I think I love her.” Sam said. 

 

“Woah there, cowboy. Love?” 

 

“Yes, Dean. I mean, I think. How do you even know if you love someone, anyway?” 

 

“Why are you asking me? I've never been in love. Ask mom.” Dean said and chuckled. 

 

“What about Lisa?” Sam challenged. 

 

“I care about her, sure, but I'm not in love with her. Like I said, ask mom.” Dean told him. 

 

“I did. She said that you  _ just know _ . Like, I'm a teenager. Doesn't she realize how confusing that is for me?” Sam huffed and Dean started laughing. 

 

“Yeah, kiddo, I guess she does. That's the point.” 

 

“Well, anyway, mom said you should invite your friends back here with you.” 

 

“Mom says that every time. She just misses Jo.” 

 

“Mom adores Benny, you know that. We all had high hopes for Lisa. Charlie is amazing. We love your friends, Dean. Even Garth. Which, mom also said for you to bring more this time.” 

 

“Garth's not a friend. And, more? Why?” 

 

“Dunno. She said that the house feels too big these days or some shit like that.” 

 

“Mom better not be around you, Sam.” 

 

“She isn't.” 

 

“Better not. No cussing ‘round mom, you know better.”

 

“She’s  _ not _ here, Dean, Jesus.” Sam grumbled. 

 

“Alright, I trust you.” Dean said easily, backing off. 

 

Sam went quiet. 

 

“Sam…” Dean said suspiciously. 

 

“What?” Sam mumbled. 

 

“Why did your silence sound vaguely suspicious?” 

 

“That makes no sense, Dean ” 

 

“Sam.” Dean said seriously. “What'd you do?” 

 

“Don't be mad.” Sam said quietly, ashamed. 

 

“Can't promise you that. Just tell me what's going on, Sammy.” Dean said, biting his lip. Real concern laced through him, feeling like a punch to the gut. 

 

“Well… Jess is a really good climber.” 

 

“What's that have to do with anything?” 

 

“Just- You know that tree outside my bedroom window?” Sam muttered and it clicked. 

 

“Sam, you dirty dog. She's sneaking in?” Dean tutted, biting back a grin. 

 

“Yeah. Please don't tell mom! We don't do anything bad.” Sam said quickly. 

 

“Define bad. Please tell me you're wrapping the present before you're giving it to her?” Dean asked.

 

“Oh god, Dean! Look, you gave me the sex talk already and I remember that in vivid detail.” Sam said in open disgust. 

 

“Good.” Dean said proudly. “Now, seriously. Are you being safe. And, I mean every time, not just half the time. If you're going to do it, you have to-” 

 

“Dean, Dean! Stop, we're not- we haven't went all the way. We just fool around but not fully. Look, if it makes you feel any better, she's on birth control.” Sam said loudly, cutting him off. 

 

“So, you've talked about going all the way? Communication is good. Why is she on birth control? Her parents are cool with…?” 

 

“She has an irregular period and-” 

 

“Woah! Okay, that's- that's good enough. I don't need to know all of your girlfriend's business.” 

 

“Like you said, communication is good. We talk about a lot of stuff. I'm serious, Dean, I think I love her.” Sam told him seriously, his voice soft. 

 

“That's great, Sam. I can't wait to meet her.” Dean murmured, smiling. He liked to hear his brother happy, even if he wasn't the source of it. 

 

“What about you, Dean? If not Lisa, there has to be someone.” Sam said eagerly. 

 

Dean almost laughed and brushed it off. He almost didn't even blink as he disagreed with Sam. Because, one, technically there wasn't someone. And, two, it was a guy and he couldn't exactly tell Sammy that, right? Except, yes, he could. Because, he wasn't ashamed,  _ dammit _ . This was him. Or, he thought so. 

 

“Actually.” Dean started and Sam made a small sound like an excited puppy. “There is this guy.” 

 

There was silence and then- 

 

“Guy?” Sam said in surprise. “You're bi?”

 

“I'm not sure yet.” Dean answered honestly, his stomach clenching. He swallowed. 

 

“Oh, well, my friend Aiden is bisexual. And, his girlfriend is bi-curious. So, who's the guy?” 

 

And, as simple as that, Sam accepted it. His stomach released and his breathing became easier. He wasn't surprised, really. Sam was always open-minded. It was just one of the good things about him. But, it still felt good to know that Sam didn't care, that Sam loved him anyway, no matter what. 

 

“Remember me telling you about that guy I knew when I was a kid? Cas.” Dean murmured. 

 

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, I remember. It's him?” Sam said. 

 

“Yeah, Sam, it's him.” Dean confirmed. 

 

“Cool. So, tell me.” Sam demanded. 

 

And, well, Dean did. They'd always been close, especially after their dad died, and they talked about  _ everything _ . Sam was the most important thing to Dean and everyone knew it. 

 

So, it was nothing to explain. It was nothing to start from the beginning and tell him everything. Sam listened and Dean knew he  _ cared _ . He told him about how Cas hadn't remembered him and when he did. He told him how he was confused and how he'd kissed him. He told him his current predicament and how he was stumped. He told him how he wanted figure himself out but didn't think he could without Cas but couldn't because Cas wouldn't go for it. 

 

And, when he finished, he felt better. 

 

“I think…” Sam began. “That maybe you're halfway figured out right now. I mean, you're telling me, right? So, he has to be important. You  _ never _ tell me these things. Plus, you spent, I know, five minutes on just the dude's eyes. So, yeah.” 

 

“He's not gonna go for that and I get it. I guess he wants me to be sure.” Dean replied. 

 

“So, get sure.” Sam said. 

 

“Easier said than done. The only way I think I'll be sure of anything is if I'm with him.” 

 

“Woah.” Sam said quietly. “Dude, that's… I don't know how you're  _ not _ sure. Do you realize what you just said? That's serious, Dean.” 

 

“It's driving me crazy, Sam.” Dean admitted. 

 

“Just go for it. Take the leap. That's my advice. What's the worse that could happen? I mean, come on, it seems serious. Look, why don't you keep being his friend? Get surer. Then… Ooh! I know. Bring him to visit when you come. I'd love to meet him. Well, again, I guess. And, when you're sure that you're sure, just go for it.” Sam told him

“You know what, Sammy?” Dean said softly. “You're a really good kid sometimes. Really good.” 

 

“I think you mean  _ all the time _ .” 

 

“Yeah, yeah. Let me talk to mom.” 

 

“Alright, she's downstairs. She's watching some intense tv show. She's gotten obsessed with it lately.” 

 

“Oh, yeah? What's it about?” 

 

“Angels and vampires, I guess I dunno. But, all the guys are gay for each other and have a lot of issues and cry a lot. Mom loves it, though, so.” 

 

“Well, whatever makes her happy.” 

 

“Right.” Sam agreed before his voice got suddenly quieter. “Oh, and you won't tell her about  _ that _ , right?”

 

“No, Sam, I won't tell her you're getting freaky with your girlfriend while she sleeps down the hall.” 

 

“Here's mom, Dean.” 

 

“I love you, squirt.” 

 

“Love you too, Dean.” 

 

There was some shuffling and Sam's voice was muffled as he said _it's_ _Dean._ There was more shuffling and Mary's voice was muffled as she answered Sam back. Then-

 

“Hey, baby.” Mary said, her voice so soft and so warm. 

Dean forgot how much he missed her until that very moment. The month couldn't get over soon enough. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling more grounded than he did before. Sometimes, all someone needs is to talk to their mother. Maybe that was why he said what he said next instead of  _ hey _ . 

 

“I think I'm falling in love with a guy.” 

 

That was a big jump from  _ I'm not sure _ . 

 

“You're what now?” Mary said in surprise before clearing her throat. “Okay, wow.” 

 

“I'm sorry. Hey, mom. I probably should've led with that.” Dean mumbled and Mary laughed. 

 

“Yes, probably. But, initial surprise aside, let's go back to that. Care to elaborate?” 

 

“Do you remember Castiel Milton?” 

 

“Oh! I do, I- yes. Sam mentioned that you mentioned that you two met up again.” Mary said and Dean could practically hear the smile in her voice. 

 

“I'm- Look, I'm doing this all out of order. I'm just- I don't know. I think I'm bisexual but I'm not sure. And, I can't seem to get Cas outta my head. I'm just- Mom, I might be going crazy.” Dean mumbled. 

 

“Oh, honey.” Mary laughed wetly and Dean hoped to god she wasn't crying. “You aren't crazy. You're just confused and that's- that's okay.” 

 

Dean closed his eyes, it was exactly what he needed. 

 

“I love you, mom.” 

  
“Oh, I love you too, no matter what.” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean laughed and turned his eyes back to the road, only glancing at Cas one more time before they pulled in the diner. Cas had the smallest of small smiles on his face, his gaze fixed out the window. It made Dean's heart swell for some reason. When he parked, he had the strangest urge to scoot closer and reach out to Cas, pull him close and kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been awhile, lovlies, and I do apologize! But, here is an update that I hope you enjoy. I enjoyed writing it. Drop a comment if you've got questions or critiques or suggestions. I'm open to anything. Enjoy!
> 
> -sobs

With all the shit that went down in Dean's life, only one thing stayed constant, no matter what. 

 

Baby. 

 

No matter where he went, no matter who he dated, no matter who his friends were, no matter  _ what _ , his impala was there. She's stayed just as clean and shiny as he'd make her. Whatever work he put into her, it showed. Baby was consistent, even if he wasn't.That was why Baby had her own bathing day. That was why he took care of her. That was why he treated her with a gentle hand. Because she was there and because she'd  _ always _ been there. 

 

So, despite the fact that he had a crisis in his life, Dean went out the following Thursday and started his ritual. He was unsurprised to his normal audience. Jo shamelessly told him that they were entertained by his strain, choosing to watch him work instead of helping. Dean didn't mind, wanted to do it himself normally anyway, unless it was with Sam.

 

Dean stayed unfazed as he gathered everything he needed. Baby was parked on the curb and the hose was pulled across the lawn. It was running water into a bucket full of soap. He had two sponges, the correct kind that was made specifically for cars. 

 

It wasn't until Dean glanced back and seen three new additions to his audience that he was rattled. Samandriel had parked his lawn chair right beside Jo and they were talking, eyes rarely straying from each other. Anna was talking to Charlie, their red heads bent close together, looking like something made for movies. And, Cas sat beside Benny. They seemed to be swapping a few words every now and again but they weren't carrying on a full conversation. Benny was too busy on his phone and Cas…

 

Cas was looking right at him. 

 

Cas smiled and waved. Dean managed to flick his hand in a weak attempt at a wave before quickly turning back to Baby. It was her day and he was completely focused on her. 

 

So, Dean continued on as if Cas wasn't there. His hands absolutely did not shake. He absolutely did not spend too much time on one specific part so that he could look at Cas in her reflection. He absolutely did not drop the sponge every ten minutes and have to wash it off. He was absolutely fine. 

 

Dean spent extra time on her tires, washing like he'd find gold under the tiniest spec of dirt. He even cleaned between her tread, hoping to get his mind off of everything with mindless work. It wasn't working. Eventually, he knew he had to rinse her. He hopped up and moved to the hose, squinting in the blare of the sun. He glanced back at his friends. 

 

Jo and Samandriel had moved away from everyone else and they were talking. They seemed serious and Dean quickly looked away. Jo had firmly told him to stay out of it. Charlie was reading and Anna appeared to be sunbathing. Benny was asleep and Cas was still fucking watching him, his blue eyes piercing even from that far of a distance. 

 

Hastily, Dean picked up the hose, turning back to Baby. He couldn't get the hose closer and he glanced back to see it caught on the wrong side of the bucket. Instead of walking to the bucket, Dean tried lifting it from that far and failed miserably. 

 

So miserably that he managed to get the spout right over his shirt, soaking the whole front of it. Dean cursed loudly and dropped the hose, hissing as he pulled the shirt off. It was frigid and even in the hot sun, it was not a comfort. 

 

Dean grimaced and tried to wring out his shirt but it stayed mostly soaked. He wanted to bang his head against a tree because he was pretty sure he had the worst luck in the world. Dean threw his shirt around his neck and turned to head over to the bucket. It was just a quick glance, one he didn't realize he was giving, that had him noticing the look on Cas’ face. 

 

Bad luck? Maybe. Good body? Clearly. 

 

Maybe it was because Cas’ eyes were obviously wider or maybe it was because Cas’ had sat up a bit in his seat but either way, Dean felt suddenly much more relaxed. Dean hid his grin and walked over to Baby, continuing washing. He made sure to stretch out often and bend at different angles. 

 

Cas was his friend, surely he wouldn't enjoy it. 

 

Still, every time that Dean stole a glance, Cas was watching him and wearing an expression on his face that made Dean want to grin like an idiot. Which, he didn't because he could hold some shit in. 

 

And, when Baby was shiny and clean, Dean poured out the dirty soap water and laid everything out to dry, including his shirt. He walked, shirtless, over to his group of friends. He met Cas’ eyes and smiled, trying to keep it polite and warm. Cas’ smile was weak. 

 

“Hey, who wants to go get lunch?” 

 

“Ooh, yes! Let's go.” Charlie said brightly, standing up. 

“Hey, we're all going to get lunch!” Dean called out to Jo, waving her and Samandriel over. 

 

“Like that?” Jo asked him pointedly as they walked over, hand in hand. 

 

“Maybe.” Dean challenged, arching an eyebrow before taking a quick glance at Cas. Blue eyes were fixed on him and Dean fought a grin. 

 

“I'm not going anywhere with you like that. You're a danger to anyone with eyes everywhere.” Anna said and pointed at him. Dean chuckled. 

 

“Fine, I'll just put my shirt back on.” Dean said casually and jogged over to do just that. The wet cloth clung to his skin and he met back up with his group as they gathered their chairs up. 

 

“Where are we going?” Jo asked. 

 

“Midnight Diner? Expensive but good.” Charlie suggested, shrugging. 

 

“Sounds good with me.” Benny said. 

 

“Who's riding with me?” Dean asked. 

 

“I'm riding with Benny again. He has the best speakers.” Charlie said quickly. 

 

“Hey, Cas, do me a solid and ride with Dean so I can ride with Anna and Samandriel.” Jo told him. 

 

“Uh…” Cas stuttered, stealing a glance at Dean, his eyes lingering just a bit too long. 

 

“That's fine.” Dean answered for him, smiling. “You don't mind helping me pack up everything, right?” 

 

“I- that's- it's fine.” Cas muttered weakly. 

 

“Meet you there. Come on Benny, I want to blast out.”

 

“If you play Pink on my radio one more time…” 

 

Dean grinned as Benny and Charlie bickered and walked away. Shaking his head, he watched as Anna, Jo, and Samandriel gathered up their chairs and things and left as well. Dean turned to Cas, wearing a bright grin and completely ready to tease him. 

 

“Will you grab the hose?” Dean asked.

 

“I can.” Cas agreed. 

 

They got everything they needed and put it in Baby's trunk. Cas climbed in the passenger side as Dean slid comfortably in behind the wheel. Dean started her up and immediately turned up the radio, nodding in approval as Zeppelin bled through his speakers. 

 

Dean kept his casual stance and made sure not to glance directly at Cas. Sure, he could feel Cas’ eyes on him but he wasn't obvious about it. Halfway to the diner, Dean finally caved and looked over with a smug grin, meeting blue eyes. 

 

“See something you like?” Dean teased. Cas made a face and looked away.

 

“No.” Cas mumbled, a blush crawling up his neck in a way Dean found fascinating. He wondered absently what it would be like to trace the blush with his tongue. 

“Oh, come on, Cas. It's okay. I know I'm an attractive guy.” Dean taunted, glancing back at the road. 

 

“You're an ass.” Cas countered. 

 

“Don't think I didn't see you looking at me earlier when I was in such a state of vulnerability.” Dean said, his lips twitching when Cas scoffed. 

 

“Please, you enjoyed it.” 

 

“You enjoyed  _ me _ .” 

 

“Oh, shut up.” 

 

“You like me mouthy.” 

 

“I like you silent.” 

 

“You like me shirtless.” 

 

“I like you silent.” Cas repeated more firmly. 

 

“So, you're saying you like me.” Dean said cheerfully, arching an eyebrow at Cas when he looked at him. 

 

“Yes.” Cas confirmed. “Friends tend to do that, Dean.” 

 

“Like each other? Are you sure because I'm fairly sure my friends can't stand me.” Dean told him and Cas chuckled, shaking his head. 

 

“Your friends love you, Dean.” Cas assured him. 

 

“Yeah, well, they got a funny way of showing it. That includes you, Cas.” 

 

“How so?” 

 

“Friends don't look at friends like they are pieces of meat. You were almost drooling.” 

 

“Again, shut up.” 

 

Dean laughed and turned his eyes back to the road, only glancing at Cas one more time before they pulled in the diner. Cas had the smallest of small smiles on his face, his gaze fixed out the window. It made Dean's heart swell for some reason. When he parked, he had the strangest urge to scoot closer and reach out to Cas, pull him close and kiss him again. 

 

But, sadly, he was literally cock-blocking himself.

 

Dean huffed, his mood souring. It wasn't fair, he thought, that he had to be the source of his own problems. Why couldn't he just suck it up and go for it like Sam suggested? What exactly did he think he would lose if he did? What, Cas’ friendship? 

 

Well… Yeah. 

 

Dean pursed his lips as he climbed out of Baby. Sorting out everything in his head was causing him a headache. It would be simpler to just ignore it and do what he wanted to. Surely, it would work out. 

 

Except, looking over at Cas as he fell into step beside him, Dean couldn't. He couldn't close that gap and risk losing everything. If this was all just something he couldn't handle or couldn't manage, he'd lose Cas altogether. And, was it worth that? Really?

 

As they entered the diner, Dean saw everybody waiting on them. They walked over and settled into a wrap around booth, Cas sliding in beside him and putting him between Benny and Cas. Jo, who was holding hands with Samandriel, smiled at him and arched an eyebrow in question. 

 

“What?” Dean mumbled. 

 

“Nothing.” Jo said in amusement and settled more firmly into Samandriel’s side. 

 

“We were all just talking, you know.” Charlie said, attempting casual and missing by a wide shot. 

 

“Is that so?” Cas muttered, a small sigh escaping his lips. Dean couldn't help but be amused by his obvious dread at their friends talking while they were absent. 

 

“Yeah, we were.” Anna said, narrowing her eyes at her brother. “And, apparently, Dean has something to ask us all. According to Jo, anyway.” 

 

“I have what, now?” Dean asked, alarmed. 

 

“Remember? Your mom, Sam, more friends…” Jo reminded, looking at him with wide eyes until he got it.

 

“Oh!” Dean said and then more quietly. “Oh. Right, um. So, what is everyone doing for break?” 

 

“Cas and I aren't doing anything. We were just going to stay here.” Anna answered for them. 

 

“I was going to visit my mother.” Samandriel said. 

 

“You know I'm with you, brother.” Benny told him. 

 

“Same here, but I'll run over to mom's a lot, too.” Jo said, which Dean already knew that. 

 

“I wanted to take a day out to go to the hospital to see mom but after that, I'm free.” Charlie murmured. 

 

“You know you are always welcome.” Dean told her immediately, his voice going soft. Charlie's mom was a carefully avoided topic. 

 

“I know, I was going to come anyway.” Charlie announced, perking up and grinning at him. 

 

“Go where?” Cas asked, pretty much completely confused by everything that was happening. 

 

“Every break, we all go to my mom's house unless they have anything they plan to do.” Dean explained. 

 

“Go to...your house?” Cas asked. “Why?” 

 

“It's a big enough house for us all and my mom treats all my friends like they're her own children. I'm sure you remember that.” Dean said. 

 

“I- yes.” Cas agreed and went silent, looking away from Dean completely. 

 

“Anyway, my mom keeps bothering me about bringing more people. She caught wind that I met up with you and Cas and she keeps pestering me to bring you both.” Dean told Anna. 

 

“How'd she hear about that?” Anna asked. 

 

“I mean...I mentioned it, maybe, I don't know.” Dean huffed, getting unnecessarily defensive. He made sure not to look when Cas cut him a glance. 

 

“Well, we have nothing better to do, why not?” Anna chirped, smiling easily. 

 

“What, are you serious?” Cas spoke up, his head whipping around to stare at his sister. 

 

“Yes.” Anna said slowly, eyebrows creasing. 

 

“We can't just…” Cas stopped, glancing at Dean. 

 

“You can.” Dean said immediately. “After my dad died, mom hates the house to be so empty, that's all.” 

 

Which, Dean knew that was a low blow to bring up his dad's death because he also knew very well that Cas wasn't protesting on behalf of his mother. But, hell, Dean couldn't help it. He was only slightly guilty when Cas’ face crumbled slightly and he sighed again. 

 

“Well, if it won't be too much of a bother…” 

 

“It won't.” Dean confirmed quickly. 

 

“That's settled. We are all going over to Dean's. Well, except for Samandriel.” Charlie said excitedly before frowning, turning to the boy in question. 

 

“I- well. I suppose I can make a pit stop.” Samandriel mused, looking down at Jo who smiled. 

 

“Yeah, that might be best.” Jo agreed. 

 

“Well, that's settled then.” Dean murmured, pleased. Glancing at Cas, warmth seemed to spread through his joints, warming his whole body. 

.

.

.

 

Sarah Covwell was flirting with him. 

 

_ Furiously _ . 

 

Now, Dean could respect her angle. On any other day in other circumstances, Dean would've went right along with it. She had a pretty smile and wore her plumpness with confidence that piqued his interest. Really, any other time before...before well. 

 

Yeah. 

 

Every brush of her fingers against his arm, unobtrusive and subtle, felt light and nice but was slowly dragging his attention to her efforts. Her smile, as disarming as it was, didn't quite manage to make him smile too. And, unfortunately, her eyes were brown, not that he was judging. They just weren't  _ blue _ . No, they just weren't  _ Cas _ ’ blue. 

 

Dean almost wanted to do it anyway. He almost wanted to be smooth and end up fucking her brains out in his dorm. But, he couldn't. Whether from the small unsettled feeling that landed like a rock in his stomach or because of the intense gaze he could feel from Cas across the room, he wasn't sure. 

 

Dean just wanted to check out the book and go sit with Cas. Was that too much to ask? Why was his life such a mess sometimes?

 

Sarah was such a sweet girl. 

 

“Sarah, I really hate to interrupt our conversation but I do have this essay to do.” Dean said as soon as she paused in talking. Sarah blinked. 

 

“Oh. Of course, I'm so sorry.” Sarah said with a small laugh. “Here, I'm sorry to keep you.” 

 

“No, it's okay.” Dean assured her and went to step away. She held up her hand and fumbled for a pen, writing down her number and sliding it him. 

 

“Why don't you text me sometime or something?” Sarah suggested. Dean swallowed thickly. 

 

“I- yeah, sure.” Dean coughed out and proceeded to speed walk away, heading directly to sit across from Cas, sinking down in the chair. 

 

“Hello, Dean.” Cas greeted, his eyes on Dean's face. 

 

“Hi. Hey, uh, Cas.” Dean murmured, clearing his throat. Her number felt like it was burning a hole in the pocket of his worn jeans. 

 

“Sarah's nice, isn't she?” Cas asked in a would be casual way if it wasn't for the sharp edge in his tone. 

 

“Yes.” Dean replied shortly, hoping that Cas would just drop it. He was trying, dammit. 

 

“Very pretty.” Cas pointed out. Dean stared at him. 

 

“Your point is?” Dean asked, narrowing his eyes. 

 

“Nothing. Just- just saying.” Cas said vaguely, waving his hand and glancing back down at his paper. 

 

Dean didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything at all. He just got everything he needed laid out and started working. It was easier than trying to muddle through Cas’ cryptic words. 

 

Dean wanted to regret agreeing to meet up with Cas in their library but he couldn't. Because, even when Cas was being perplexingly confusing, Dean was just happy to be near him. He was content just to sit next to him and catch glimpses of his various reactions to the multiple things around him. Watch his head tilt, a smile flit across his face, a frown, a small huff of air. It was relaxing in a way and Dean tried to let what happened with Sarah disappear from his mind. 

 

Until-

 

“Are you going to call her?” 

 

Dean sighed heavily, something in him snapping. He slammed his binder closed and leaned forward. Anger and confusion was not a good mix for him and he never truly reacted properly to it. 

 

“Why do you care, Cas? You can't just do shit like this and expect me to not be a little frustrated.” 

 

“What are you talking about?” Cas murmured, eyes narrowing. “I was simply asking-” 

 

“No.” Dean cut him off. “Don't lie to me. You're not asking just to ask. You're asking for you. Look, I get it. You don't want to get involved with me because I'm confused. Okay, fine. But, you can't just do things like this. Watching me, getting jealous, being you. It does nothing to help my confusion. At all.” 

 

“Being me!?” Cas blurted out, eyes lit up with anger when he glanced up. “How is that a problem?” 

 

“Because, I like you.” Dean answered bluntly, cuttingly. “I like you and you like me and we won't do a damn thing about it. So.” 

 

“How is that my fault?” Cas snapped, gathering all his papers and shoving them in his bag in a rough way that Dean knew he'd be annoyed by later. 

 

“You won't meet me halfway here. I'm trying and you won't.” Dean replied harshly.

 

“Oh,  _ I'm sorry _ . I  _ apologize _ for not wanting to get involved until you figured yourself out.  _ Forgive me _ for wanting to wait until you know exactly what you want!” Cas hissed and stood up, pushing away from the table and marching away. 

 

“Oh, that's bullshit.” Dean muttered and stood up, grabbing everything and following after Cas in a quick stride. “That’s serious bullshit, Cas. Why does it even matter, huh? Why, if I'm sure enough that I want you?”

 

Cas gave a harsh, short laugh. “Sure enough does not equal completely sure. It matters because I'm not willing to risk it, even if you don't care and want to.” 

 

“Don't care? Are you kidding me? I am the only one really trying here!” 

 

“Really? You think this is easy for me? Do you think I enjoy watching you struggle with this? You want to take some leap and just go for it and I don't want it to fall through. We're friends, Dean. If nothing else, I would like to have that.” 

 

“Friends, ha! I don't want to be friends, don't you get that? I lied, okay? When I said I was okay with it, I lied. I don't want to be your friend. Friends don't think about fucking their friends five ways to Sunday.” 

 

Cas’ head whipped around and his ridiculously blue eyes were wide and focused on him. Cas’ mouth clicked shut, cutting off his ready retort. And, Dean realized a little belatedly that maybe what he said was a bit much. Not a lie, but maybe too soon. Cas cleared his throat and kept walking, turning the corner to the hallway towards their dorms. 

 

“You might've mentioned that, Dean.” 

 

“Well, excuse me for not wanting to lose the only little piece of anything that you were giving me.” 

 

“That's fair.” Cas allowed, his words slow. “I do understand what you're saying, I  _ really _ do. But, you could've just said something.” 

 

“It wouldn't have changed anything. It didn't change anything now, did it? You still don't want anything more.” Dean said with a frown. 

 

“I'd suggest friendship again until you're ready to not leave me hanging but that's off the table.” Cas replied.

 

“I don't exactly know how to leave you alone, though.” 

 

Cas stopped in front of his door, turning towards Dean, his hand resting on the knob. Dean didn't move towards his door, just waiting for a response after that admission. Cas stared at him, quiet. His eyes were oddly expressive, battling with his blank face, swirling with some emotion that Dean wanted to catch and bottle up to keep forever. 

 

“I don't want you to.” Cas admitted softly. 

 

A hook seemed to catch in Dean's heart, tugging sharply. His lungs seized and he felt like he couldn't breathe, despite the relief that flooded through him at those words. Cas didn't blink, holding his gaze, unknowingly using the hook to pull him in. 

 

Cas didn't move or push him away when Dean crowded him against the door. His hand tightened around the doorknob and he stood still, clear consent in his open expression. Dean waited a moment anyway, not one hundred percent sure, which seemed to be a recurring problem with him, and Cas’ free hand reached out and fisted in his jacket, pulling him close. He went willingly, almost eagerly. 

 

Cas kissed  _ him _ this time. Sure, Dean was obvious about wanting it but Cas took complete control. Unlike last time, Cas wasn't taken by surprise. He meant for this to happen, guided it, was on a mission. 

 

Cas dragged him closer, lips pressing into his with a sigh like he'd just come home. His free hand crawled under his jacket collar, cradling the knot at the top of his spine, making a warm jolt tap dance down his spine and spread. Dean couldn't help but bow into him, curl into his heat and use his hands to box Cas in because he didn't want to ever leave the moment. 

 

Cas kissed him like he held the answer to the universe under his tongue. Dean closed his eyes and it didn't matter that this was a guy and that they stood out in the hallway where anyone could see them, including their friends who would never let it go. All that really mattered was how good of a kisser Cas was proving to be. 

 

Cas pulled away, humming, his lips never quite leaving his skin. Instead, his lips ran down and across the line of jaw before ending on the bolt of his jaw. Cas proceeded to suck and nip at that sensitive area until Dean's knees almost buckled and were shaking. 

 

“I think that I should maybe come in.” Dean breathed out, letting out an embarrassing moan when Cas answered by sucking a line down to his pulse point. 

 

“Mm.” Cas hummed, pulling away. “I think you definitely should not come in, Dean.” 

 

“I- why?” Dean murmured and then continued before he got an answer. “Then, you should come over. We can play Call of Duty.” 

 

Cas narrowed his eyes at him, clearly considering it. Dean hoped to god he said yes because, sure, they could play Call of Duty.  _ Later _ . Dean was reverently thinking with his dick and he wanted nothing more than to throw Cas down and show him  _ exactly _ what a straight guy could do with enough imagination. 

 

“We're not going to play Call of Duty.” Cas stated, his eyes narrowing even more. 

 

“Eventually.” Dean allowed, not even ashamed. 

 

“I know you, Dean, and I know me, so I know better. I will see you later.” Cas said. 

  
Before Dean could try to convince him otherwise, Cas was flicking his wrist and backing into his room, shutting the door in Dean's face. A click sounded as Cas flipped the lock and Dean groaned and he turned and walked over to his room, fully prepared to lay down and find release with that kiss in the back of his mind, helping him along. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay.” Jo breathed out, eyes widening. “This just got much worse. Not only are we working with two of the most stubborn idiots we know, we now have to deal with the fact that the outcome could ruin them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, guys, GUYS, I am so crazy. Again, I made you wait AGAIN. Ugh, I'm so wishy washy. I'm so sorry. Pls enjoy, more to come. I hope you like. Drop a comment, even if only to berate me for being so infrequent. 
> 
> -sobs

Jo was a good person. 

 

_ She _ thought so, anyway. 

 

So, being a good person, she couldn't help but want to... _ help _ her dear friend, Dean. Her dear, best friend, Dean, who managed to cause problems for himself from the simplest of things. For her, simplicity was easy to wade through. It was the detrimental and life ending complex things that she struggled with, which she thought was completely understandable. 

 

In simpler terms, put a simple problem, such as having feelings for someone,  _ anyone _ , in front of her, she's fine. She let's it be known and lets  _ nothing _ hold her back. Dean? Well...he sort of goes stupid, especially if he really likes them and especially if it's something he's not exactly used to. 

 

Put a complex problem, like maintaining a healthy relationship with her mother, in front of her, she completely fails. Dean? Smooth sailing, no turbulence, easy flight. She envies him for that. Though, it might just be Mary because that woman is a possible saint. 

 

All of those differences is why she is in a current relationship with a guy she happened to really like. A guy who she met and fucked while completely wasted. The relationship came after. Untraditional? Yes. Fake? Definitely not. 

 

Still, with those differences in mind, it is why Dean literally won't let himself get with Castiel. Because, those two are probably the most perfect people for each other. Sure, Lisa was good for Dean but Cas? Those two were most likely  _ made  _ for each other. She nearly suffocates from the sexual tension whenever they are in the same room with each other. 

 

Sad thing is,  _ everyone _ knows. 

 

Even sadder, they do too. 

 

The saddest, they won't do a damn thing about it. 

 

Jo doesn't like to see Dean unhappy. She obviously would never tell him this but it's true. She has managed to stay out of their strange dance so far but it wasn't easy. It was almost painful to watch and do nothing. She can't handle it anymore. 

 

Which, that was why she called Charlie, Lisa, Anna, Benny, and Samandriel. She knew that she couldn't do this alone and she also knew that she wouldn't have to. The moment she even breathed the problem, they would be on board. She knew that because she knew that they all cared about Dean and Cas. 

 

Samandriel walked in with Anna first and Jo's stomach gave a stupid flutter that she would  _ never _ admit to. He smiled, those disarming dimples flashing, and comfortably slid in beside her, his arm wrapping around her automatically. Jo couldn't help it; she leaned forward and kissed him, just a quick kiss. 

 

“Hey.” Samandriel said softly. 

 

“Hey.” Jo answered, just as soft. 

 

“Hey!” Anna chirped brightly, cutting the moment and making Jo grin at her thankfully. Samandriel made her soft and nervous. 

 

“Anna, what's up?” Jo greeted. 

 

“Nothing much, currently trying to avoid my brother. He's running all over the campus looking for me or Castiel.” Anna said and rolled her eyes. 

 

“Why is Gabriel on campus?” Jo asked cautiously. 

 

“Not sure and I don't want to know. Castiel can handle that, I'm not.” Anna said casually. 

 

“Nice.” Jo said and chuckled. 

 

Samandriel had taken to rubbing her hip in an absent motion. It tickled and Jo enjoyed the sensitivity of the action. As she did so, Benny and Lisa walked through the door, talking to each other quietly. Almost immediately, Charlie came trailing in, grinning down at her phone. No doubt texting some special girl. 

 

“Hello, hello.” Charlie sang as she slipped into the booth, tucking her phone into her pocket. 

 

“Just us?” Benny asked after he settled. 

 

“Mhm.” Jo confirmed. “Not waiting on Dean or Cas.” 

 

“Couldn't take anymore of their obvious pining either, huh?” Charlie asked sympathetically. 

 

“We'll get to that later. First, let's order.” Jo said and signalled their waiter, who smiled and moved over. 

 

“Hey, Garth.” Lisa greeted as soon as he stepped over. “I didn't know you worked here.” 

 

“Yes, ma'am. Gotta get through college somehow.” Garth said honestly. 

 

“Hey, man, we get it.” Benny said. He always had a soft spot for Garth, as most did. Especially Dean. Speaking of… Jo sat up and leaned towards Garth.

 

“Hey, you been by Dean's lately?” 

 

“Snuck in last week and borrowed a screwdriver. Why?” Garth told her. 

 

“Does Dean know you  _ borrowed _ a screwdriver?” Benny asked, half scolding and half amused. 

 

“What did you even need a screwdriver for?” Charlie asked with a snort before he could answer Benny. 

 

“Well, my roommate locked me out again, so I just took off the doorknob instead of dealing with Brenda about getting a new key. She's a real trying lady.” 

 

“Oh, Garth.” Lisa said softly and smiled, shaking her head back and forth in obvious fondness. 

 

“How's Bess?” Benny asked. 

 

“Just fine. There was a mild family feud a little while back, so she's been staying with me lately. Not that I mind, of course. It's why I haven't been over to Dean's that much.” Garth explained. 

 

“Ah, so you haven't met Cas yet, have you?” Jo said.

 

“Who?” Garth asked. 

 

“My brother.” Anna said and sat forward, reaching out to shake his hand. “Hi, I'm Anna. That's Samamdriel.” 

 

“Nice to meet you.” Garth said and smiled. 

 

“Just wondering if you'd met Cas at all.” Jo told him. 

 

“Nah, I don't think- Wait, that wouldn't happen to be Dean's neighbor, would it?” Garth said, suddenly straightening up. 

 

“It is.” Anna said. “Why?” 

 

“Well, I haven't met Cas, per say, but I've seen him. Or, most of him, I guess.” Garth said, waving a hand. 

 

“What do you mean?” Jo muttered, eyebrows furrowing. Garth pursed his lips. 

 

“Well, like I said, I borrowed a screwdriver last week. So, about three days ago, I went to return it. And, I'll be damned if I didn't see Dean kissing some guy. Mind you, I was a bit shocked. Didn't know Dean swung that way, actually, but I don't judge. Turned around as the dark haired guy went into his room across the hall, figured I'd just leave ‘em alone.” 

 

Silence reined and Garth shrugged after his tale, like  _ oh, no biggie _ . But, oh yes, very much  _ biggie _ . Jesus, Dean and Cas were kissing on the low and they hadn't told anyone? Jo looked around and everyone looked just as stunned as she felt at the news. 

 

“Wait, they were just  _ kissing _ ? Did they say anything? What happened?” Jo asked, fishing for information. Immediately, Garth looked uncomfortable. 

 

“Hey, now, I don't know much. I just seen ‘em kissing is all. Looked a little frustrated after if you ask me but who wouldn't be after a kiss like that? They were really going at it.” Garth said. 

 

“Garth.” Charlie said slowly. “Is that  _ it _ ?” 

 

“I- I guess, I don't know. Don't make it my duty to watch Dean on his little rendezvous.” 

 

“So, they just-” 

 

“Look,” Garth cut Jo off. “It's nice talking to y'all, really, but can I just get your order? I don't feel right talking ‘bout Dean's love life like that.” 

 

“Yeah, man, it's fine.” Benny reassured him, nodding his head in respect. “Just a coffee. I ate earlier.” 

 

Garth proceeded to get everyone's order and then left to put them in. Jo settled firmly into Samandriel’s side and waited for words to come to her. 

 

They didn't. 

 

It was just that Dean and Cas were kissing,  _ again _ . Why hadn't Dean said anything? What did it mean? Were they doing more? Had Dean accepted that he was bisexual?  _ Why hadn't Dean said anything _ ? 

 

“Did Dean say anything about…?” Anna mumbled. 

 

“Not a word. Cas?” Jo shot back. 

 

“Nothing.” Anna huffed quietly. 

 

“Maybe they’re waiting…” Benny started reasonably. 

 

“No.” Jo cut him off, not feeling so reasonable at that point. “They won't say a thing. Especially if they aren't dating yet. Which, knowing them, they aren't.”

 

“Why wouldn't they be?” Lisa asked, confused. 

 

“Kissing sure sounds like dating.” Samandriel spoke up. Jo rolled her eyes fondly. 

 

“Guys, this is Dean we are talking about. He can kiss hundreds of guys and still be convinced that he's confused about his sexuality. That's just Dean and his excuse so he can't be happy.” Jo explained. 

 

“That's just sad.” Charlie sighed, looking down. 

 

“But, it's Dean.” Jo murmured. 

 

“And, Cas is so stubborn and so damn  _ afraid _ of getting hurt. It's ultimately worse because it's Dean.” Anna groaned, rubbing a hand down her face. 

 

“What do you mean?” Benny asked, narrowing his eyes at her. 

 

“You know, because it was Dean who made Cas realize he was gay and basically changed his whole life.” Anna said like it was common knowledge. 

 

“Wait, wait, hold up. You're saying that Dean is like Cas’ first love?” Charlie said and sat forward. 

 

“No, I'm saying Dean  _ is  _ Cas’ first love.” Anna corrected her, eyebrows raising. 

 

“Okay.” Jo breathed out, eyes widening. “This just got much worse. Not only are we working with two of the most stubborn idiots we know, we now have to deal with the fact that the outcome could ruin them.” 

 

“Maybe we should just stay out of it.” Lisa suggested. 

 

“If we stay out of it, Dean might just end right back up in your lap.” Charlie huffed warningly. 

 

“That’s okay.” Lisa said and shrugged, unbothered. 

 

“Is it really, though? Would you be totally okay with having Dean, even though he wasn't happy?” Jo challenged, raising her chin defiantly. 

 

“They are big boys.” Lisa countered. 

 

“Let me emphasize  _ stubborn idiots _ for you. Big boys or not, they would ignore happiness if it was slapping them clear across the face.” Jo insisted. 

 

“But, what if we make it worse?” Lisa replied, her true fear coming to light. 

 

“Woman's got a point.” Benny seconded, cringing. 

 

“Do you really not have any faith in yourselves? Come on, we have to do something!” Jo huffed, throwing her hands up. 

 

“But, what can we do?” Charlie asked. 

 

“Well, there are two things.” Jo said, straightening up.

 

“Go on.” Anna said. 

 

“Well… With Dean, the only way he'll truly just go for it is when he's panicking. If he thinks for one second that his chance with Cas will be gone, he'll pretty much figure himself out  _ much _ quicker. Either that or possessiveness. Dean's oddly protective and possessive. Cave man tendencies might just be a blessing, though.” Jo said. 

 

“Wait!” Anna burst out excitedly. “What about  _ both _ ?”

 

“Oh, Anna.” Jo breathed. “I think I might just be in love with you. Talk plots to me.” 

  
“Well, I just happen to know a guy…”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With his messy hair, red hoodie, worn jeans that fit around Cas’ ass like a glove, Dean wanted nothing more than to climb him like a tree. But, that might've had something to do with Mr. Sex on legs showing up at Cas’ door like he belonged there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on point today, lovlies. Really, the words just keep flowing. Drop a comment and berate me because of the chapter. It's a doozy.
> 
> -sobs

Dean wasn't a stalker. He just happened to be waiting on Cas to get home. He wasn't actively searching out Cas, he just...was waiting with his door open for Cas to walk by. That's all. 

 

His plan was to stop Cas and ask him over. All they were going to do was play video games and talk. Dean actually had honorable plans this time. Did he  _ want _ to seduce Cas? Absolutely. Was he going to seduce Cas? No. For now, they were in a...flirtationship. Not friends but not together. 

 

That didn't mean Dean didn't want to spend time with Cas, though. It seemed to be  _ all _ he wanted to do, lately. Just hang out with Cas. That's it. 

 

Well, besides the fantasies he sometimes accidentally started daydreaming about. But, normally it was late at night and his own hand was wrapped around his dick and not Cas’. But, that was besides the point. 

 

It was while he was waiting on Cas, who hadn't been home the past night, that he spotted the guy. The guy who looked like sex on legs. He  _ flowed _ when he walked, muscles rippling under dark grey vneck shirt, tight black jeans sitting low on hips, jeans stretched across toned thighs and calves. Even with him being torn up over Cas, he could admit that the guy was second look worthy. He could hear ‘N Sync in the back of his head, mocking him. 

 

But, it was the fact that the guy had stopped outside of Cas’ doorway and leaned against the wall almost provocatively and knocked that got his attention. Dean's eyebrows furrowed and he was on his feet before he could think it through. He frowned as he leaned out his doorway, eyeing the guy warily. 

 

“Excuse me.” Dean said and Mr. Sex turned and looked at him, eyebrows arching up.

 

“Is Cas here?” Mr. Sex asked, a smooth British accent passing his lips and oh, that was not fair. Dean cleared his throat. 

 

“Not that I know of, why?” Dean asked him. 

 

“Well, I need to talk to him, obviously.” Mr. Sex replied, opening his hands in a gesture that made Dean feel annoyingly inferior. 

 

“You'll just have to come back later, man. Want me to tell him you came by or something?” Dean offered, eager to get the guy to leave. 

 

“No, that won't be necessary.” Mr. Sex hummed and crossed the hall, eyeing Dean's room. “I'm sure he will be along. You won't mind if I wait here, would you?” 

 

Mr. Sex proceeded to nudge his way into Dean's space until Dean allowed him to push past. Dean frowned and turned, watching Mr. Sex settle on his couch almost regally. He opened his mouth, ready to kindly tell Mr. Sex to  _ get the fuck out _ . Before he could, Mr. Sex popped up, turning to Dean. 

 

“You wouldn't, by chance, have a restroom?” 

 

“No, I piss on the floor.” Dean snapped and Mr. Sex blinked, caught off guard, and Dean wanted to smirk in pride but he didn't. 

 

“Well, kindly direct me to the correct floor and I will proceed to handle my business.” Mr. Sex shot back. 

 

“Bathroom’s down the hall and to the right.” Dean muttered, rolling his eyes. Mr. Sex was an  _ asshole _ . 

 

“Thank you.” Mr. Sex said in a would be polite way if it weren't for the pretentious smirk curling his lips. Dean decided right then and there that he didn't like that smarmy dick and the sooner he got out of his room, the better. 

 

Dean huffed and turned towards his door. He was never more thankful because there was Cas. Walking to his room and completely oblivious to Dean seeing him. Dean couldn't believe he thought Mr. Sex was something. Because, holy shit, there was Cas and Dean was pretty sure he had a direct reel to Dean's dick. With his messy hair, red hoodie, worn jeans that fit around Cas’ ass like a glove, Dean wanted nothing more than to climb him like a tree. But, that might've had something to do with Mr. Sex on legs showing up at Cas’ door like he belonged there. 

 

He wasn't territorial. He  _ wasn't _ . 

 

“Cas.” Dean called gruffly. Cas turned, eyebrows raised, his eyes looking clear and alert. 

 

“Hello, Dean.” Cas greeted.

 

“Hi.” Dean mumbled. “Hey, man.” 

 

“Did you need something, Dean?” Cas asked. 

 

“Actually…” Dean started and stepped out into the hallway. “Yeah. You alright, man? Haven't seen you around. Everything going okay?” 

 

“Yes, everything is fine. I was with Gabriel yesterday, last night, and today.” Cas told him. 

 

“Is Gabriel okay?” Dean asked, a little surprised to find that he was actually worried. Cas’ eyes softened. 

 

“Gabriel is a bit like a cat. He wants attention when  _ he  _ wants it and he is relentless until he gets it. He insisted on having a sleepover.” Cas explained, lips quirking up at the corners. 

 

“Looks like it did you some good.” Dean noted, which wasn't a lie. Cas did look more at ease, his eyes bright, shoulders relaxed, stance eased off. Brothers sometimes did wonders for your stress levels. 

 

“We needed it. Gabriel and I often fall off. But, he's my brother, so it's never for long.” 

 

“Hey, I understand, especially with Sammy and all.” 

 

“Mhm.” Cas hummed, his head tilting back to lean against the door so he could meet Dean's eyes. 

 

Woah, when did they get so close? Did Dean do that? He must've continued to move forward without much thought. He was right in front of Cas, just a few inches of space between them. The space between them seemed to taunt him and he wanted to erase it. 

 

“I'm just glad you're not avoiding me.” Dean told Cas honestly, his voice getting quieter. 

 

“Avoiding you?” Cas murmured. “I wouldn't.” 

 

“You sure about that?” Dean asked, his voice low and gruff. He wanted to clear his throat. 

 

“Absolutely positive.” Cas said and it was almost a whisper. Dean wanted it to be a whisper so he could get close and pretend they were swapping secrets.

 

“Because, if kissing you will make you avoid me, I will refrain.” Dean told him, eyes landing right on the very lips in question. Sinful lips, really. 

 

“And, if it doesn't make me avoid you?” Cas asked, one eyebrow arching up as his lips tightened just so. 

 

It was a look, something bordering on  _ heated _ , and Dean almost lost it, almost fell right into Cas and agreed to any damn thing that would please him. 

 

“Then, that's all the permission I need.” 

 

“I won't avoid you, Dean.” 

 

“ _ Thank god _ .” 

 

With a reverence that Dean himself didn't understand, he pushed forward and boxed Cas against the door, lips practically melding to his. Sinful fucking lips, indeed. Jesus, they were perfect. 

 

Cas’ mouth was so  _ hot _ , his breath pushing past Dean's teeth, his tongue rolling Dean's lip between his teeth. Dean couldn't fucking think and all he could do was fist one hand on Cas’ hoodie and press his other against Cas’ neck. 

 

Cas’ leg shoved between his with almost too much force but he immediately started rocking so Dean couldn't find it in himself to care. A pathetic moan fell from his lips into Cas throat and Cas just hummed it right back out. One hand carded through his short hair and the other was slowly tracing under his shirt. He couldn't believe it; Cas made him so fucking  _ weak _ .

 

It was somewhere between him realizing that he was about to come in his pants like a teenager and Cas’ fingernails raking  _ just so _ against his ribs that Dean knew with one hundred percent surety that he was going to take Cas right over to his room, get him completely naked, and learn every spot that would make Cas nearly cry with pleasure. 

 

They were going to fuck. Today. Right then. 

 

Oh, Dean could not think, breathe, move,  _ anything _ . Cas’ thumb skimmed over his nipple and the grip on his hair tightened as the kiss turned downright filthy. Dean couldn't help it, he whimpered. He'd never felt so damn good before, never. It was a whole other ball game. It was like relearning his favorite thing but at a better, new angle. Cas’ take charge approach was doing something to him that he hadn't been prepared for in anyway. But, fuck, he liked it. 

 

“Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck _ .” Dean breathed as Cas tore his lips away and immediately started assaulting his neck. 

 

“Shh.” Cas shushed him and gave a throaty laugh against his pulse. 

 

“I can't- oh, fuck.” Dean groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. He was going to go absolutely  _ insane _ if Cas kept doing whatever the fuck he was doing to his neck with those stupidly talented lips. 

 

“We should go to your room.” Cas suggested and that sounded like the best idea to Dean. 

 

“I'm not going to make it.” Dean admitted, his voice tight. Cas was still at his neck and his leg was rubbing back and forth, back and forth, back and- he was  _ so close _ . So, so, so-

 

Cas stopped. 

 

“Well, I guess you'll just have to wait.” Cas murmured and dropped his leg. 

 

Dean blinked, bewildered. His dick was literally throbbing with how hard he was and he was scared to breathe in case he came. Cas appeared altogether unaffected besides the brightness to his eyes, which shone like fucking beacons. Dean found it hard to breathe and not just because he was so aroused. 

 

Dean was in love with Cas. Which, why the fuck did he have to realize that  _ now _ ?

 

“We should go to my room.” Dean murmured.

 

His heart was swelling. He worried a rib might break from all the shit he was feeling. He was pretty sure that his face showed it. He probably looked at Cas like he hung the moon. It was over, Dean realized.

 

_ Cas was absolutely it _ . 

 

Cas nodded and Dean turned away, moving to his room. His door was wide open and he could feel Cas’ heat at his back. He didn't realize how restricting jeans were until he had a raging hard on and he had to walk in a fairly quick pace. It was a struggle. 

 

Dean went to step through the doorway and then froze. Because, there was Mr. Sex. Walking forward and looking up. Mr. Sex's eyes landed over Dean's shoulder and his lips curled up. 

 

“Cassie!” Mr. Sex said brightly and brushed past Dean as if he was absolutely  _ nothing _ . 

 

Dean went with the motion and turned. His mood, his stomach, his  _ heart _ just dropped. Dread swept through him as he watched Cas’ eyes go huge, shock filling the blue orbs, and he watched Mr. Sex waltz right up to a wide eyed Cas and wrap him up and  _ kiss him _ . 

 

And, oh, oh no. Hurt laced through him like an unforgiving whip. Cas’ eyes didn't shut and his whole body tensed, going stock still as Mr. Sex planted one on him before backing away. Dean's throat closed completely up and he couldn't swallow, couldn't breathe. Cas blinked at Mr. Sex.

 

“Balth…” Cas muttered and his eyes cut over to Dean, his throat bobbing. “...azar. Balthazar.” 

 

“Hey, Castiel.” Mr. Sex-  _ Balthazar _ said fondly. 

 

“You're- You are here. Why are you here?” Cas said in quick succession, taking a few steps back. 

 

Space. Space was good. It helped Dean breathe, helped the utter crushing feeling he felt start to ebb away slightly. Balthazar sauntered forward even more, his hand reaching out and catching Cas’ wrist. Dean could've sworn red tinted his vision for a moment. Something bitter and harsh pressed on his nerves at the sight of someone  _ else _ touching Cas like that. 

 

“I came to see you, obviously, love.” Balthazar said as if it was obvious, as if it was the simplest thing. 

 

And, no. Dean absolutely was  _ not  _ okay after that endearment. Love.  _ Love _ . What the fuck? British term, like ‘babe’ or not, Dean could not handle it. No, just  _ no _ . Fuck that. 

 

Dean took everything, absolutely all of it, that he felt and pushed it away, locked it up. He slammed the lid shut and let apathy be the only feeling he would acknowledge. He didn't care. He  _ didn't care _ . 

 

Dean looked up at Cas, meeting his gorgeous fucking blue eyes, and he gave a crooked smile. He winked, hoping to convey  _ have fun with Mr. Sex _ easily. Silently, he stepped into his room, no longer hearing anything, no longer caring about the way Cas’ lips shaped around his name. He just walked in and shut his door, casually flipping the lock. Walked all the way to his room, flopped down on his bed and eased to his pillow, giving a tiny smile as he slipped his clunky headphones over his head. Music poured out and he smiled because it was good. It was all good. 

  
Everything was all good, even the taste of his tears.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sorry doesn't take back the fact that my stupid, pushy, ignorant ex might've ruined any chance I had with the guy I love because you decided to call him. Sorry doesn't fix that, now does it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close now, darlings. Do enjoy and drop a comment. I'm always happy to see them in my inbox. 
> 
> -sobs

“You fucking called Balthazar!?” 

 

Anna's head snapped up and alarm flashed over her face followed very quickly by guilt. Yep,  _ busted _ . Alarm took back over when she analyzed how absolutely livid he was. And, oh, Cas was  _ furious _ . 

 

“What happened?” Anna asked tersely. 

 

“What happened? What ha- You fucking called Balthazar is what happened!” Cas shouted. 

 

“Castiel, calm down.” 

 

“Calm- How can I calm down when you- you  _ called  _ him? How could you- How  _ dare _ you? Anna, what were you thinking?” Cas hissed. 

 

“Castiel, you need to sit down. You're shaking.” 

 

Anna looked worried and slightly blurry. Cas looked down at his hands and they were shaking, just like she said. They were blurry too and it took him a moment to realize that his eyes were watering. Cas balled up his fists and shook his head. 

 

“I'm  _ fine _ . Just- I don't know how you could call him but I'm  _ never _ fucking forgiving you for this.” 

 

“Castiel, wait!” 

 

Cas just ran. 

.

.

.

 

Some girl opened up Gabriel's door. 

 

“I need- Is Gabriel here?” 

 

“Who are you?” 

 

The girl stared at him, her brow furrowing. He tried not to break, tried really hard, and he barely managed. She could obviously tell by the wary look on her face. She took a step back like she was going to close the door and Cas couldn't handle that. 

 

“Sasha, who is it?” 

 

Relief flooded through him as Gabriel walked to the door. Gabriel peered at him over Sasha's shoulder. His face went from open curiosity to immediate concern. Gabriel pushed Sasha out into the hall and pulled Cas in the room without hesitation. 

 

“Gabe!” Sasha cried, gasping as she tied the silk robe tighter around her. 

 

“Call you later.” Gabriel said absently and slammed the door right in her face. 

 

Any other time, he'd be ashamed of his brother. 

 

Gabriel didn't say anything, he just pulled him into the kitchen and guided him to a chair. Gabriel wasn't Gabriel if he didn't always have a pot of coffee on hand. He grabbed down Cas’ favorite mug and poured him a cup, stirring in too much sugar and cream. Cas sipped it anyway. 

 

“What's going on?” Gabriel asked softly. 

 

“I hate her.” Cas stated flatly. 

 

“Me too. Who are we hating?” Gabriel said, absolutely no judgement in his tone. 

 

“Anna.” Cas answered. 

 

“Oh.” Gabriel said and blinked. “What did she do?” 

 

“She called Balthazar.” Cas mumbled. 

 

“Okay, that's not  _ so _ bad. So, she called your ex. Maybe she thinks you're lonely.” Gabriel said, like maybe  _ he _ thought that himself. 

 

“I don't care. I don't care  _ why _ she called him. She just- She called him and you know how Balthazar is.” 

 

“I do. He's a prick.” 

 

“He was in Dean's apartment. I don't know why but he was there and then he saw me and he just- he did what he does. Dean was- Dean was  _ devastated _ .” 

 

“Woah, slow down there, cowboy. What happened, now? What's Dean have to with anything?” 

 

“I like him, Gabriel. I like Dean. I  _ want _ Dean. It's not exactly one sided but things are complicated. And, we were getting somewhere. But, Anna called Balthazar and he came and fucked it all up.” Cas croaked. 

 

“So, you and Dean were gonna do the frickity frack but Balthazar came around and did the smooch as he is to do. Dean didn't like it and what?” Gabriel said, his eyebrows furrowing. 

 

“It's more than that. Dean was crushed. His face, Gabriel. I think- I don't know. I don't think we're okay anymore. I think that really hurt him.” 

 

“So, he's jealous. Okay, good to know. That can be used to your advantage in the future.” 

 

“Gabriel.” Cas said wetly, scrubbing at his eyes. 

 

“Alright, okay.” Gabriel said softly, reaching over and pulling Cas’ head to rest on his shoulder, one hand cupping the back of his neck. 

 

“I love him.” Cas admitted and that was it. 

 

Gabriel let him cry, not commenting. He just let Cas cry until Cas stopped, just holding him through it. When he was done, Gabriel met his eyes. 

 

“So, what are you going to do about it?” 

.

.

.

 

“Has  _ anyone  _ seen Dean?” 

 

Cas carefully avoided Anna's eyes, switching his focus between the others. Jo stared at him in confusion, a frown marring her face. Charlie shared a glance with Benny, worry in their faces. 

 

“He didn't tell you?” Charlie asked slowly. 

 

“Tell me what?” Cas asked sharply, stomach clenching.

 

“That's odd.” Jo murmured. “He told us. He, uh, decided to leave out to his mom's early. He said he would see us later. We're leaving later today.” 

 

“Who's leaving first?” Cas asked. 

 

“Me.” Anna said. Cas clenched his jaw. 

 

“I'm coming with.” Cas told her, no exceptions. 

 

“Okay.” Anna said softly and as Cas turned to leave, she stood up. “Castiel,  _ wait _ , please. I-” 

 

“What did I say?” Cas snapped, whirling around on her. Anna reeled back, tears gathering in her eyes. 

 

“Castiel.” Samandriel said with a frown. 

 

“No.” Cas said flatly, looking Anna straight into her eyes. “Do you have  _ any _ idea the damage you've caused? I don't think you realize how you've inadvertently managed to ruin my fucking life. If this goes south, if he doesn't somehow manage to forgive me, I'm never forgiving you, do you understand?” 

 

“I'm sorry.” Anna said weakly. 

 

“Sorry doesn't take back the fact that my stupid, pushy, ignorant ex might've ruined any chance I had with the guy I love because you decided to call him. Sorry doesn't fix that, now does it?” 

 

Cas didn't wait for an answer. He just walked away. 

.

.

.

 

Everyone decided to leave all at once. Cas figured it had something to do with his earlier display. He had, admittedly, cooled down since then. But, one look at Anna and anger poured into him like tidal waves. 

 

Everyone seemed smart enough not to ask him for any details. Jo looked like she wanted to and maybe she was brave enough but Samandriel kept her tight to his side as they parted ways, promising to meet back up later after Samandriel left his parent's house. Charlie just gave him a hug and promised to see them all soon, hissing at Benny to remember  _ everything _ for her. 

 

Cas was situated in Anna's car before Anna was. Jo and Lisa opted to ride with Benny, most likely.because of the anger that melted off him in waves. He couldn't help it. Being near his sister was pissing him off. He had to grit his teeth so not to yell at her. 

 

Before long, they were on the road, heading to Lawrence, Kansas. It was a long drive and Cas was fully prepared to take it in complete silence. Anna could just suffer in his silence. He was going to stare out the window and watch the scenery. 

 

That lasted for a while. His anger held strong. It fizzled out a good hour before Anna pulled off, quietly asking him to drive for a while. He simply nodded and got behind the wheel, still not saying a thing. 

 

If there was one thing about Cas that was notable, it was his determination and dedication. 

 

Anna was out almost immediately. She slept soundly and Cas put on some soft country station, letting it become background noise as he drove. He didn't really listen to the words, not wanting to hear the love songs or the heartbreak ones. 

 

Nearly the whole ride, Cas thought about what he was going to say to Dean. He wished he'd have gotten to him before he left for Kansas. But, it had taken a whole three days to convince Balthazar that  _ no _ , he didn't want him there. Then, it had taken two more days before he left from Gabriel's. By the time he'd made it back on campus, Dean was gone. 

 

It wasn't fair. He could still remember the look on Dean's face. The utter betrayal and hurt there, as if someone had slapped it on. 

 

Cas was so annoyed because it was stupid. Why hadn't he just accepted that Dean was struggling with himself a bit? Why did he need Dean to be one hundred percent sure? What, because he was? Because he was one hundred percent head over heels for Dean and he didn't want to get hurt? 

 

It was so stupid.  _ He _ was so stupid. 

 

They could've been perfectly happy at this point. Cas could've helped him figure himself out but no, he was too cautious. Not taking the risk was his downfall. He'd let his chance slip past on his own and he hadn't even known it. And now, he’s blaming Anna. Which, sure, what she did wasn't right either but hell. It took all of that for him to even realize all this. How stupid could he get? 

 

But, Cas had a plan. 

 

It was a solid plan. 

 

He was going to get Dean back. 

 

“I'm sorry.” 

 

Cas blinked, breaking away from his thoughts. He glanced briefly to Anna before looking back at the road. Anna was watching him, just looking. Her angelic face was crestfallen, sad. He seen the real regret there and he sighed. 

 

“I know.” Cas said. 

 

Anna made a small noise, a sort of choking sob, and Cas reached over and grabbed her hand. She clung to it, sniffling. It was his sister. His headstrong, well meaning, determined  _ sister _ . Of course, he forgave her. He couldn't hate her if he wanted to. 

 

“I didn't know that would happen.” 

 

“I know. It's okay, Anna.” 

 

“I shouldn't have-  I'm  _ so _ sorry, Castiel.” 

 

“No matter what happens, I still love you, okay. I will always forgive you.” 

 

“He loves you, Castiel. It's so obvious. You two were always supposed to be together, even from the start.” 

 

“I think that was a child's dream. We grew up.” 

 

“No.” Anna murmured. “You and him. You two were always going to be together. You've been in love with each other since you were eight.” 

 

“On my part, yes. He's always been the one for me, no one else. On his part, I think it's different.” Cas admitted quietly. 

 

“I think you're wrong.” Anna told him. 

 

“How so?” Cas challenged. 

 

“He looks at you now the same way he did when he was eight, like you are everything.” 

 

Cas couldn't reply. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and squeezed Anna's hand. She squeezed back and Cas felt the last tendrils of anger and worry just ease out of him. 

  
Maybe she was right. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don't.” Dean snapped. “Don't look at me like that.”
> 
>  
> 
> “You two broke up?” Mary asked softly.
> 
>  
> 
> “We weren't together.” Dean mumbled.
> 
>  
> 
> “So, you never…you know, went for it?” Sam asked.
> 
>  
> 
> “There was an ex, it's complicated, I'm not worried about it. Just drop it.” Dean said quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I must forewarn you. This was super fun to write and I've been building and building and building to these last few chapters. I've had this ending planned out for a while. So, you've only got a few more chapters. Enjoy and drop me a comment. I love reading them.
> 
> -sobs

Dean was  _ home _ . 

 

Home, where the mailbox was rusty and always squeaked when it was opened. Home, where Dean had raked leaves for what felt like hours nearly every single summer day, feeling like he was dying as the sun beat down on him. Home, where Dean and Sam's height were measured by notches in the kitchen doorway. Home, where Dean grew up and learned and became himself. 

 

He had technically showed up a day early but he figured it would be a good surprise to Sam and his mom. He planned to knock on the door and try to remember the happiness and surprise that would undoubtedly bloom on the face of whoever answered. 

 

Sam must've heard Baby or had been passing a window because before Dean could take three steps, Sam had barrelled out to him. He was all ridiculously long limbs and incoherent babbling but Dean couldn't have been happier to see him. 

 

Dean guided Sam into a tight hug, pulling him in and tucking him close like he had when Sam was four. Sam's hands grasped at the back of his shirt and he buried his face into Dean's chest, top of his head nearly knocking with Dean's chin. It felt good and a huge amount of relief crashed through Dean. It was  _ Sam _ and he had missed him so fucking much. 

 

When Sam pulled away, Dean couldn't get a word in edgewise. Sam babbled, wanting to tell Dean  _ everything _ all in one breath. Dean tried to get him to slow down but Sam refused, just jabbering on as if he was afraid Dean would leave again and he wouldn't get a chance. It made Dean's heart ache to see that kind of fear in his little brother. It was wrong. 

 

So, he let Sam pull him to the couch that they'd had for years and he let Sam talk a mile a minute. He listened as Sam talked about anything that passed his mind, eyes bright and elated. And, Dean loved every second of it. He filed away every word because he wanted to remember and he wanted to get caught up. He absolutely  _ hated _ missing any moment of Sam's life. It was one of his biggest worries. 

 

Then, Sam wanted to know everything. Wanted to know why he was early. Why he didn't call. Where everyone was. Where  _ Cas  _ was. Dean easily distracted him by asking about Jess. Sam lit up like a Christmas tree and shot off talking again. 

 

And, when Mary walked in the front door, hands full of bags of groceries, Dean hopped up to help grab them from her, his manners kicking in. But, Mary had taken one look at him and dropped everything. Then, she had guided him into a hug like  _ he  _ was four.

 

Sam, bless him, grabbed all the groceries and put them away. When he finished, Mary was still hugging Dean tightly, and Sam insisted they all move to the couch. So, of course, they did. 

 

They spent a good three or four hours talking but it was in the evening when Dean had arrived. They were all tired and Mary ushered them all off to bed. Dean had sat on the couch, promising to head up to his old room after a bit. Sam hugged him again and Mary kissed his cheek. Dean had fallen asleep on the couch after staying up, thinking way too much. 

 

Dean woke up to someone poking his nose. 

 

“Wakey, wakey, eggs and bacey.” 

 

“Sam.” Dean croaked. “I'm gonna  _ kill  _ you.” 

 

Sam laughed and poked his nose again. Dean's eyes popped open abruptly and Sam yelped, falling backwards. Dean grinned and shot off the couch just as Sam scrambled up and took off running. Dean caught him by the collar just as the entered the kitchen, yanking him to a stop. 

 

“Boys.” Mary said sternly. 

 

“Morning, mom.” Dean said cheerfully and let Sam go, smirking when Sam made a face and rubbed his neck.

 

“Come on, sit down.” Mary said. 

 

“Ooh, I sure have missed your breakfast.” Dean admitted and rubbed his hands together as he followed Sam over to the table. 

 

“Well, sit down and enjoy it while you tell me who is all coming later today, so I know how many I have to cook for.” Mary told him and sat plates down at each chair, sinking into one herself. 

 

“Well.” Dean hummed. “Jo is coming, obviously, and Benny. Lisa, too. Charlie is coming later. Jo's friend, Anna is coming. Jo's boyfriend, Samandriel, is going to be around after a while, too.”

 

Dean averted his eyes , quickly stuffing his mouth with a pancake. It was really good. He truly did miss his mom's cooking. Glancing up to tell her just that again, he found both Sam and Mary staring at him expectantly, both identical expressions of polite patience on their faces.  

 

“What?” He mumbled around the bite and then swallowed it down. Sam grimaced. 

 

“I don't know, what about  _ Cas _ ?” Sam huffed. 

 

Dean tried to control his face, he really did. But, he could feel it twisting, could feel it freaking betraying him. He dropped his head, staring hard at the bacon until his eyes didn't burn. It took a few minutes but it didn't matter because when he glanced back up, Sam and Mary were watching him in pity. 

 

“Don't.” Dean snapped. “Don't look at me like that.” 

 

“You two broke up?” Mary asked softly. 

 

“We weren't together.” Dean mumbled. 

 

“So, you never…you know, went for it?” Sam asked. 

 

“There was an ex, it's complicated, I'm not worried about it. Just drop it.” Dean said quietly. 

 

“Oh, Dean…” Mary whispered softly. 

 

“No, nope. I'm not dealing with that.” Dean announced and stood up, hurrying out to take a shower. Literally anything besides that. 

 

When he was washed up, he went back to the kitchen where he could hear his mom and Sam moving around and talking. He stopped in the doorway, leaning and watching them. They moved around each other easily, a familiarity in their steps. Dean couldn't really hear what they were talking about and he honestly wasn't paying attention. Everything seemed to slow down and all he could see was the smile on their faces, the comfortability in which they moved. 

 

He missed that. He missed  _ them _ . There was an ache in the pit of his stomach and it was obviously homesickness. He craved his mother's gentle comfort, her steady consistency. He wished he could still be there for Sam, still help shape him and guide him. 

 

Sam must've said something funny because Mary threw her head back and laughed. Sam gave a grin, his eyes bright and completely happy. Dean smiled along with them because he couldn't help it. 

 

A chime came through the house and Sam and Mary glanced up. Sam's whole face lit up, nearly tripping over himself to hurry towards the door. Dean wasn't an idiot and knew who it was  _ immediately _ . He reached out and caught Sam's arm. 

 

“I'll get it.” Dean offered and ushered Sam back towards Mary. Sam frowned. 

 

“But-” 

 

“No, I've got it. Finish up the dishes with mom.” 

 

Sam looked ready to protest but Dean wasn't having it. He turned away and went to the front door, pulling it open. A young girl with blonde hair and a pretty face stood there, a casual long sleeve sweater on over jeans. Dean arched an eyebrow and leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms. 

 

“Jess?” Dean asked. 

 

“Yeah.” The girl, Jess, confirmed. 

 

“I'm Dean.” Dean said and reached out a hand, waiting for her to shake it. Jess beamed at him and shook his hand firmly, eyes bright. 

 

“Oh, hey, I'm-” 

 

“The girl who sneaks into my little brother's room at night to fool around with him.” 

 

“Jessica Moore, you can call me Jess. And, yes, I do happen to have a knack for climbing trees.” Jess continued without missing a beat. 

 

“I see.” Dean mused, pursing his lips. 

 

“Sam misses you something fierce, you know. Been talking about you nonstop lately. It kinda ruins the mood, if I'm honest.” Jess said, her lips twitching. 

 

“I can see how.” Dean said, grinning. “Tell me, you are being safe, aren't you?” 

 

“Absolutely.” Jess said cheerfully. “Can't go to college if I've got a baby, so.” 

 

“Well, abstaining is probably the best route.” 

 

“I sincerely doubt you have any right to lecture me. One, you just met me. Two, with a face like yours, I doubt abstaining is something you've ever practiced.” 

 

“Fair enough.” Dean allowed, impressed. “Well, you don't want babies yet, so I'm going to trust that you're abstaining. At least, for my peace of mind.” 

 

“Hate to break it to you but no. In fact, I'm trying to convince Sam to do a threesome with me and my best friend, Ruby. But, well, you know Sam.” 

 

Jess winked and stepped past him, walking immediately to the kitchen. He could hear her greet his mother kindly and hear Sam babble to her. Dean blinked out at the yard, his mind going blank. She had just managed to throw him for a loop, completely ruining his impromptu interview. 

 

Dean liked her. 

 

Dean chuckled and shut the door, allowing, only within the confines of his mind, that Sam had managed to get himself a good girl. 

 

When he walked back into the kitchen, Jess was standing beside Sam, her arm casually sitting around his waist. Sam looked so happy, so giddy, that it was almost pathetic. Sam turned his gaze to Dean and it wasn't really fair. Because, he looked like a love sick puppy and Dean's heart gave a strange clench. 

 

“Okay, Mark just called and he needs me out at Kelly's ranch. Apparently, he wants me to soothe the horse while he helps her through labor.” Mary spoke up, rolling her eyes as she dried her hands on a towel.

 

“Is that safe?” Dean asked, his eyebrow furrowing. 

 

“Completely. So, I will probably be gone for most of the day.” Mary said before pointing straight at Sam with seriousness in her eyes. “Dean's in charge.”

 

“Dam- damaging.” Dean stuttered, ignoring Mary's raised eyebrows. “Nice word. I like it. But, uh, back to what she said.  _ Darn _ right I am.” 

 

Sam snorted and Mary hummed, a fond look crossing her face. The moment the door clicked behind his mother, Dean prepared to recover in full. 

 

“Anyway, I will be back tonight before my show. Dean, feel free to cook.” Mary said and started to the door. 

 

“Is that you hinting for me to give you a break?” Dean asked in amusement. 

 

“Most likely.” Sam said. “I can't cook for my life.” 

 

“That's not true, sweetie.” Mary tutted and kissed Sam on the cheek as she passed. She turned to Dean and kissed him on the cheek too. 

 

“You want me to cook?” Dean asked softly, warmth flooding through him. Jesus, he missed his mom. 

 

“Yeah, that'd be nice.” Mary answered. 

 

Dean smiled and nodded, completely okay with that. He was positive that he could cook enough for everyone that was coming. 

 

“Will do.” 

 

“Someone text me when the others get here if I haven't made it back.” 

 

With that, Mary waved and walked out the door. 

 

“Damn right I'm in charge.” Dean corrected immediately, turning to Sam and Jess. 

 

“You'll never live it down.” Sam said solemnly. 

 

“Damaging.” Jess teased. “It's a nice word.” 

 

Dean rolled his eyes, admitting defeat when it was more than obvious. There really was no coming back from that. Sam shared a triumphant look with Jess, one that quickly turned sappy. 

 

“Alright, no touching, no kissing, no whispering, no shut doors, no-” 

 

“Dean.” Sam interrupted. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Shut up.” 

 

Sam rolled his eyes and grabbed Jess’ hand, twining their fingers together. Sam pulled Jess into the living room and onto the couch, scooping up the TV remote. He then proceeded to flip it to a Harry Potter marathon and settle down. Jess relaxed into his side, eyes fixed on the screen. 

 

Dean couldn't help it, he frowned. He was just joking when he started listing off idiotic rules. The fact that Sam brushed him off wasn't why he felt so unsettled. It was the way they moved together, like a unit, like they'd been together forever, like they always would. 

 

Dean realized that he was  _ envious _ , that he wanted that. And, not just with some vague person in the future. No, he wanted that  _ now _ , with  _ Cas _ . He wanted to punch Balthazar in the face and fuck Cas until he nor Cas could think. But, he also wanted a serious  _ relationship _ and a fucking chance. It was so pathetic that he was jealous of his younger brother. 

 

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. He wasn't going to do this. Not now and not here. It was all good, right? It didn't matter and he didn't care. Right now, he had Sam and his mom. So, he sucked it up and moved to the living room to watch Harry try to catch a rat. 

 

It was right about the time that Harry almost let Cedric die in the maze that Mary got back home. Dean glanced up, blinking in surprise at how much time had passed. Jess was asleep on Sam, complete nuzzled into his side, softly snoring. Sam was still watching the movie with alertness, eyes wide with anticipation even with the fact that he'd seen the movies a million times. What a nerd. 

 

Dean moved his popcorn, which he had gotten up and made when Harry outflew the dragon. He glanced up at his mom, taking in her appearance. She looked tired, her hair damp and sticking to her forehead, and she had some questionable stains on her T-shirt. Dean grimaced, looking at them. 

 

Mary didn't even hesitate, she moved over and plopped down beside Dean, grabbing his popcorn and letting out a sigh. Her eyes fixed on the screen and Dean realized they were just a family of nerds. 

 

Mary cried when Cedric died and Sam huffed when they called Harry a liar. Dean watched apathetically because he had no care about the stupid series. Mary went and got more comfortable clothes on when Sirius fell through the veil, sniffling suspiciously as she went. Sam shot Dean an amused grin. 

 

When it got to the part that Hermione sent birds after Ron and Harry held her while she cried, saying that  _ it felt like this _ , Dean no longer wanted to watch anymore. 

 

He got up and started cooking instead. 

 

The kitchen felt like a second home and Mary raised him not to be ashamed of his quiet talent. He wasn't ashamed but not many people knew about it. Dean just grabbed things down and started cooking, ready to throw together a meal. He was slightly annoyed that he had to relearn some of the kitchen he had grown up in. 

 

“The salt's in the left cabinet, sweetie.” 

 

Dean glanced at the table, where Mary was sitting. She must've snuck in and started watching, which he didn't mind. Dean gave her a tight smile and located the salt, pulling it down. 

 

“I knew that.” Dean mumbled. 

 

Mary laughed quietly and stood up, moving to the counter beside the stove. She leaned against it, staring at Dean patiently. And, he knew,  _ he just knew _ that she wanted him to talk about Cas. 

 

“Dean.” Mary said softly.

 

It was coming up, all of the things he didn't want to think about or say out loud. All of it was rising, getting lodged in his throat and he was scared to breathe in case he spit it out. He couldn't-  _ he couldn't _ \- 

 

“I can't.” Dean said weakly, staring at the sauce that just wouldn't start fucking boiling. 

 

“Honey, it's eating you alive. You're not happy. I can see that.  _ Sam _ can see that. Talk to me.” 

 

Mary's hand landed on his elbow and he broke. He ducked his head and closed his eyes, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He could feel his lips trembling around the words he so wanted to say. He couldn't, though. He just  _ couldn't _ . 

 

“I love him. I just- I love him so much.” 

 

Dean was going to be sick. His stomach recoiled and he could feel the hot tears slip from his eyes. Mary's grip on his elbow was the only thing keeping him from turning from the food and getting in baby and leaving. He fucking said it. He- 

 

“Breathe, baby, breathe.” Mary whispered and pulled him into a hug. Dean sucked in a gulp of breath and buried his face into her shoulder. He didn't cry, he just let everything settle. He was okay. 

 

“I'm- I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how it happened. I just love him.” Dean mumbled into her shoulder, his words muffled. 

 

“That's usually how it goes.” Mary said softly. 

 

“I think I've somehow fu- messed up royally.” Dean murmured, stumbling over his words. 

 

“Now, I doubt that. Tell me what happened.”

 

So, he did. He told her everything, start to finish. She listened, letting him pull back when he was ready. She stayed leaning against the counter as he spoke and absently readied the food. She let him get it all out and Dean found himself relieved when he did. 

 

“It's so crazy because I just wanted that asshole to remember me. And now… Well, now we're here.” Dean finished, awe in his tone. 

 

“Language, Dean.” Mary scolded, an age old knee jerk reaction. “As for everything else, well… Do you want to hear an old woman's opinion?” 

 

“You're not old, mom.” Dean said. “And, yes, I do.” 

 

“I think that maybe you've got to start being honest with yourself and to him. Acceptance is one of the toughest achievements you'll ever reach but you  _ can _ . I don't care what it is, Dean, just be happy. It can be anything, absolutely  _ anything _ .” Mary murmured. 

 

“Even if I was in love with my car?” Dean challenged, needing comedic relief. 

 

“Dean, you  _ are _ in love with your car.” Mary told him seriously, shrugging as if she'd always known. 

 

“Well, Baby's just gonna have to share.” Dean mumbled, averting his eyes and steadfastly ignoring how his ears got hot. 

 

“You should talk to him, sweetie. In person, obviously. But, just talk to him and  _ tell him _ . It will work out, I promise. There is nothing I'm more sure of.” Mary promised him, a smile curling her lips.

 

“It scares me.” Dean admitted, his words a bare breath, feeling safer at a whisper. 

 

“That's just love. You're given this- this  _ gift _ and you aren't prepared for it. You can run from it or be afraid of it. Or, you can take it and let it be your happiness. It's all up to you.” Mary said softly. 

 

“You miss dad, don't you?” Dean asked. 

 

“Every second of every day.” Mary answered, giving a sad smile that made Dean's heart ache. 

 

“He would've told me to suck it up and just go for it.” Dean predicted. Mary laughed loudly. 

 

“That is true.” Mary agreed. “Tough lovin’ was his specialty. It made him feel accomplished.” 

 

Dean laughed and rolled his eyes. Mary patted his cheek and smiled, pride in her eyes for some reason. She left him to his cooking, drifting over to the table to read the paper from the day before. Dean had just started cooking the meat when Sam barreled in. 

 

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed and Dean turned to look at him, taking his bright eyes.

 

“What?” Dean asked, frowning. 

 

“I thought you said Cas wasn't coming.” Sam burst out, fingers gripping the doorway. 

 

“He isn't.” Dean told him. 

 

“Black hair, blue eyes, scruff on his chin, right?” Sam said, raising his eyebrows. 

 

“Yeah, how did you-” 

 

“You talked about him to me on the phone, duh, and he  _ is  _ here. He just pulled up with some girl with red hair.” Sam informed him. 

 

“What?” Dean mumbled weakly. 

 

A grin tugged obviously on Sam's lips but Dean felt like he was going to pass out. Confused and flustered, Dean fumbled with the knobs on the stove until he turned everything off. Then, without much thought, he was heading to the front door, Sam and Jess and his mom right behind him. 

 

He yanked the door open just as Cas got out of the car. And, yep, that was Cas. Stupidly blue eyes, messy hair, faded T-shirt. Dean stared at him, his heart going a mile a minute, threatening to break a rib.

 

Cas glanced up and froze. Dean's breath evaporated in his lungs and all he could think about was going right down there and kissing Cas until he could breathe again. Which, that would probably have the opposite effect but he wasn't against finding out. 

 

“Dean.” Cas said and it carried across the yard. 

 

“Cas, what are you doing here?” Dean said and started down the steps. 

 

“I was invited the last time I checked.” Cas said and there was that  _ look _ . Jesus, not in front of his mother. 

 

“Well, I'm glad you're here, I want to talk to you and-” 

  
Dean tripped. The last thing he seen was the corner of the bottom step coming towards him before everything went black. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean blinked, his face going slack with pure shock. It wasn't like it wasn't obvious but Dean seemed surprised, as if it was news. Maybe to him but Cas had been living with loving Dean for what felt like forever. So, he just enjoyed the way Dean's face transformed from shock to complete awe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, lovlies. Now, to anyone who's still here, enjoy.

Cas somehow managed to reach Dean faster than anyone else. His heart, already racing from the mere sight of Dean,  _ squeezed _ from the grip of fear. 

 

Dean had hit  _ hard _ . 

 

“Dean, hey!” Cas yelled, hands coming to cradle his face. Dean was out cold. 

 

Mary dropped to his other side and Cas couldn't even appreciate that she didn't look much different. His mind ran rapid and he made sure Dean was breathing. He was. He sat him up, with Mary's help, and proceeded to tightly pinch Dean until his face twisted and his eyes fluttered open. 

 

Relief crashed through him and he sagged in on himself, letting out a breath. Dean reached up and winced as he touched his head. He had a little bump that didn't look too bad but it still made Cas” stomach clench and his heart thump unevenly. 

 

“Dean?” Cas asked him worriedly.

 

Dean turned green eyes on him, blinking at him blearily. They were foggy, confused, and Cas felt his stomach drop. There was no recognition.  _ None _ . 

 

“What,  _ ow _ .” Dean mumbled. “Who- What's going on?” 

 

“Dean, do you know me?” Cas asked him seriously, snatching Dean’s attention. 

 

Dean stared at him, eyes clouded with confusion. Cas couldn't breathe, his eyes locking onto Dean's, hoping,  _ wishing _ . Dean didn't say anything, no recognition lighting up those green orbs. Cas panicked and grabbed Dean's arm right, nails digging in. 

 

“You- My arm.” Dean huffed, pushing away, still befuddled. Cas’ stomach rolled. 

 

“Dean!” Cas yelped, pure fear crashing through him right then. “ _ Do you remember me _ ?”

 

“I…” Dean started, eyebrows furrowing in even more confusion, gaze on Cas like he  _ wanted _ to recognize him but couldn't. 

 

“Remember me, dickhead!”

 

Cas was just on the side of hysterical. Dean blinked at him, his mouth opening and closing. And, oh, there it was.  _ There it was _ . That tiny flicker of something that Dean always carried with him when he looked at Cas. It flashed across his face and Dean blinked. 

 

“Don't call me a dickhead in front of my mom, Cas.” Dean said, cringing as he rubbed at his head. 

 

Cas almost wept with relief. He could've cried at hearing Dean's lips speak his name. He sagged again in relief, closing his eyes briefly as consolation poured through him. Sighing, he opened his eyes and looked at Dean, looked at his injury, and got back in gear. 

 

“You need to go to the hospital.” Cas stated, glancing at Mary. “We have to get him to the hospital.” 

 

“Yeah, okay.” Mary said faintly, looking just as stunned by what happened as Cas felt. 

 

“What happened?” A young boy, who must've been Sam, said in open concern, stepping towards them. 

 

“Nothing, Sammy, m’fine. Cas’ just...just a mother hen is all.” Dean mumbled, eyes drooping. 

 

“Nope, Dean, wake up. You have a concussion. You can't go to sleep.” Cas said firmly, reaching out and gripping him tightly, tugging him to his feet, grunting when Dean just slumped into him. 

 

“See?” Dean laughed. “Mother hen.” 

 

“Car is just here.” Mary murmured and guided Cas to the car. Sam got on the other side of Dean and helped Cas walk him over and helped get him in the car. Cas didn't hesitate to slide in the backseat too. 

 

“Sam, maybe you should stay here.” Jess spoke up. 

 

“No, I don't-” 

 

“Sam.” Mary said seriously. “Stay here.” 

 

“ _ I'm going _ .” Sam insisted. Cas didn't have time for it.

 

“The doctor will do a check up and give him some headache medication. We will be back in a few hours at most. I promise, he will be fine. But, we need to go now.” Cas said seriously, tension eating at him. 

 

“I'll stay.” Anna offered. “Hi, Mary, it's Anna.” 

 

“Hi, Anna.” Mary greeted as she got into the car. “If you would stay, that would be lovely.” 

 

“Sure. Jo, Benny, and Lisa aren't far behind. I'll explain to them.” Anna said. 

 

“Thanks.” Mary called and then started the car, pulling away without saying anything else. 

 

“Dean.” Cas said, eyeing him. 

 

“I'm fine, Cas.” Dean huffed, squeezing his eyes closed tightly. “Head just hurts.” 

 

“Yeah, well, you passed out for a moment, you're dizzy, and you had temporary memory loss. That's not- that's not so good.” Cas said. 

 

“I fell.” Dean mumbled, looking over at him with a small smile. “I literally fell for you.” 

 

“Dean.” Cas said sternly. “Now is  _ not _ the time.” 

 

“I should tell you anyway because what if I die or something like that?” Dean countered. 

 

“Shut up. That's not going to happen. Just- just tell me later.” Cas muttered. 

 

“I didn't think you would come down here.” Dean said. 

 

“You invited me.” Cas said quietly and turned his gaze firmly out the window. 

 

“That's not why you came.” Dean pointed out. 

 

“Why'd you leave a day early?” Cas asked him, turning to look at him, lips tightening. 

 

“Didn't want to hang around with the possibility that Balthazar might be with you in your room.” Dean told him honestly. Cas groaned and let his head thump into the seat in front of him. 

 

“I don't- Balthazar is an ex for a very good reason, Dean.” Cas said in frustration. “Can we just talk about this later? I'd appreciate it.” 

 

“Like I said, what if I die?” 

 

“You're not going to die!” 

 

Cas clamped his mouth shut and clenched his fists, shutting his eyes tight. His chest felt like it was caving in and Dean was talking about dying all  _ casual like _ . 

 

Warm, calloused fingers smoothed over his fist and his eyes popped open. He turned and looked at Dean, gaze flickering between Dean's content expression and his hand that stroked Cas’ hand. Cas relaxed his grip and Dean easily slid his fingers between Cas’ fingers, locking their hands together. They fit and Cas felt some of the stress leave him. 

 

“I think you  _ like _ me.” Dean sing-songed. 

 

“I think you were jealous of Balthazar.” Cas shot back, only feeling a little bit guilty. 

 

“I think I'm injured and you still won't let me win.” Dean huffed, fingers squeezing his briefly. 

 

“I think we should wait to have this conversation until later.” Cas told him.

 

“I think you're right.” Dean agreed.

 

The rest of the ride to the hospital was relatively quiet. Mary hadn't said a word and for that, Cas was eternally grateful. Dean just held his hand and and looked at him, a small, pleased smile on his face. And, when Dean went and looked all soft and happy like that, Cas couldn't not stare right back. 

 

When they got in, the place was practically deserted. Dean could walk at that point but he still stayed at Cas’ side and he didn't let his hand go. For someone with a recent head injury, he seemed awfully pleased. 

 

They checked in and had to go wait amongst a few others who were there. Mary went to go get a cup of coffee, still looking scared and worried. Cas was willing to bet she nearly had a heart attack after what happened. Cas could relate. 

 

Cas led Dean over to a chair and they sat there for a few moments, not saying anything. Dean still held his hand but his thumb was stroking the outside of Cas’ hand, just a light thing that seemed almost mindless, like Dean didn't even notice. And, maybe he didn't but Cas  _ did _ and his heart nearly burst with the amount of affection he felt for Dean. 

 

“ _ Dean Winchester _ ?” 

 

Cas followed the voice in perfect sync with Dean, both of their heads turning to locate who it belonged to. A woman with light blonde hair and pretty green eyes sat adjacent to them. She was staring at Dean in something akin to shock. 

 

“Ashlee Hall.” Dean stated, sitting up. 

 

Cas followed his line of vision, landing on the swell of Ashlee's stomach. He had to wonder why she was coming with a check up at nearly seven in the evening. But, who was he to question her schedule?

 

“Well, I'll be.” Ashlee said. “I haven't seen you since you left off to college. How are you?” 

 

“I'm- I'm doing good. Uh, I have a concussion.” Dean said and cleared his throat, shifting in his seat uncomfortably, pointing to his head. 

 

“Oh, how'd that happen?” Ashlee asked. 

 

“I fell.” Dean said. 

 

“Good job.” Ashlee said and her tone was teasing, light, and well meaning. 

 

“Yeah, so how have you been?” Dean asked. “I see you've got a bun in the oven. Who's the lucky guy?” 

 

“Richard McAdams. You know, the kid who used to push me into lockers. Turns out he's not so bad after all.” Ashlee said in amusement. 

 

“That's- that's good.” Dean said, clearly surprised. 

 

“We got married last fall. He's- he's a good guy.” Ashlee said, a smile blooming on her face. 

 

“I’m happy for you.” Dean said and Cas could tell that he was absolutely being honest. 

 

“Thanks.” Ashlee said and then, inevitably, her eyes turned to Cas. “Who's this?” 

 

“This is Cas.” Dean answered before he could. Ashlee nodded and her eyes roamed, going down his form, landing on their hands, still entwined.

 

“I see.” Ashlee said and smirked. “That sure explains  _ it  _ .” 

 

“Ah, Ashlee, I-” 

 

“No need to explain, Dean. I get it now.” 

 

“But-” 

 

“Ashlee McAdams!” 

 

Ashlee grinned and eased up, heading off to the nurse who had called her. Dean groaned and dropped his head into his free hand. Cas didn't know exactly what had happened but he found himself amused by it all. 

 

“Old friend?” Cas asked lightly. 

 

“Oh, shut up, Cas.” 

 

Cas laughed and looked away, his lips curling up. He was worried about Dean, yes, but that odd spectacle left him amused. He almost didn't want to know what past with that girl had Dean so embarrassed. 

 

_ Almost _ . 

 

“So, who's Ashlee?” Cas asked him. 

 

“You're not going to let this go, are you?” Dean asked him and scooted down in his seat. 

 

“Definitely not.” Cas affirmed. “I'm intrigued.” 

 

“When I was a senior at high school, Ashlee was a sophomore. She, uh, she had a major crush on me. Well, I didn't know her all that well and she wasn't exactly liked by that many people. I don't know why. Anyway, we were at a party once and I was drunk and, well, we somehow ended up in a room together. It's all blurry but let's just say that I was having...uh, performance issues. After that, Ashlee didn't like me like that anymore and I couldn't look her in the eyes.” 

 

Cas couldn't help it, he laughed. 

 

Dean groaned and turned his head, burying his face against Cas’ shoulder, fingers squeezing Cas’ in embarrassment. Cas hummed, amused, and glanced over at Dean. His laughter splintered off as Dean glanced up, eyes locking onto his. 

 

Dean didn't say anything, he just lifted his head until he could press his lips against the fabric of Cas’ sleeve. It wouldn't be anything for Cas to lean over and kiss Dean. Just press forward and lay his lips over Dean's. It would be so easy.

 

Cas looked away, ignoring his own disappointment. 

 

“She thought you couldn't get it up because you're gay.” Cas said, clearing his throat. 

 

“She shouldn't make assumptions. One, she's wrong and two, it's rude.” Dean huffed, sitting back up. 

 

On one hand, Cas wanted to be glad that he hadn't kissed Dean right then. On another, he wanted to growl in frustration because Dean made his life so damn complicated. He sighed. 

 

“It's amusing, nonetheless.” Cas said, no longer amused by anything but still. 

 

“Well, I'm not gay.” Dean muttered. “I'm bisexual. There is a difference and it in no way interferes with my performance issues. Not that I have any.” 

 

Cas’ head whipped around and he stared at Dean. There was no way he mistook it. Dean literally  _ just _ said, without hesitation and with sureness, that he was bisexual. Cas heard it. Dean said it and Cas heard it. And, Cas nearly couldn't breathe. 

 

“Dean Winchester!” 

 

Dean got up as if he hadn't just turned Cas’ world on its head, pulling Cas after him. Mary was walking back, Styrofoam cup holding steaming liquid in her hand. She followed behind them as they followed the doctor, sipping her drink slowly. 

 

Cas was pretty much in a daze as the doctor did his routine. He had pulled his hand away, tamping down on the urge to grin when Dean's fingers tightened as if he didn't want to let go. He sat down in the chair beside Mary and watched as the doctor and Dean talked, not really paying full attention. 

 

His mind was elsewhere, stuck on Dean's easy declaration of bisexuality. It made butterflies erupt in his stomach because Dean figured himself out. Dean did and Cas still wanted him. 

 

The doctor did as Cas predicted. He was happy that Dean seemed to be improving in leaps and bounds but he recommended rest and prescribed headache medication that was safe. He instructed Cas and Mary to wake him up every two hours and keep an eye out for any odd behavior. Then, they were free to leave. It was over that quick. 

 

At the doctor's easy reassurances, Mary looked like she had gained ten years of her life back. There appeared to be no threat of a heart attack after she found out Dean would be fine in a few days. 

 

“Bet Jo is flipping out.” Dean sighed as they walked back to the car. 

 

“Most likely.” Cas agreed. “But, head injuries are not to be taken lightly. Besides, you  _ forgot _ me.” 

 

Cas especially didn't like that. He couldn't handle the idea that Dean would forget him. Not now and not sometime down the line. He didn't like the idea that Dean was going to someday look back and not remember his face or even his name. It frightened him and Cas wasn't sure how to stop it. 

 

“Feels terrible, doesn't it?” Dean asked with a huff. 

 

“It's not that I didn't remember Dean Winchester, it was that I didn't realize Dean Winchester was you. You just absolutely forgot me altogether.” Cas said. 

 

“Nah.” Dean said softly. “I didn't.” 

 

“You didn't?” Cas asked him, arching an eyebrow. 

 

Mary shot them a look and slid into the car, leaving them standing outside. Cas stared at Dean, waiting. Because, Cas  _ knew _ there was a brief moment in which Dean had looked at him and didn't know who he was. Head injuries could do some damage. 

 

“Couldn't forget you, Cas, even if wanted to. Knew your eyes, if nothing else.” Dean told him and shrugged almost sheepishly. 

 

Dean stepped past him and opened the back door, sliding into the car. While Cas walked to the other side, he felt as if his whole world had just bottomed out. Dean just  _ did _ things to him. He made him feel things that were made for movies and best selling novels. It was so complex and so absolutely  _ confusing _ . 

 

After Cas had clicked in his seatbelt, Mary started the car. She was being quiet and he was fairly sure it was to give them privacy. Cas wondered just how much Mary knew of their relationship. Did she know that Cas loved her son? Could she tell? Was that a ‘mother's intuition’ thing? Did she  _ approve _ ? 

 

Dean stared at him again and Cas could feel it. He purposefully chose not to look because he couldn't handle that. Also, Dean wanted to talk. And, even though that had been Cas’ plans when coming down there, the mere  _ idea _ of talking scared Cas so much so that he couldn't even look at Dean. 

 

So, there was utter silence all the way back to Dean's home, besides the soft croon that drifted from the radio. And, that shut off as they pulled into the driveway. Benny's car was pulled up to the curb and Cas wondered how long they'd been waiting. 

 

“Come on, boys, time to face the music.” Mary said and got out the car, heading inside. 

 

“Hey.” Dean said, stopping him halfway up the driveway. “I just- I want to talk to you.” 

 

“I understand that, Dean, but you should probably go inside and reassure everyone that you're fine.” 

 

“Okay, but we're not going to get to talk for a while.”

 

“That's life.” Cas sighed. “We'll talk eventually. The head injury is much more important.” 

 

“That can heal.” Dean muttered. 

 

“We can't?” Cas asked, slightly offended. 

 

“Not if we don't talk.” Dean told him certainly. 

 

“Look Dean, we can do it later. I promise it will happen. But, what about Sam? He's worried in there.” 

 

That got Dean and he frowned, flicking his eyes to the house. Cas reached up and rubbed his temple. They were talking now, didn't that count? Cas felt tied up in knots and he wanted to just deal with this later. 

 

“Yeah, okay.” Dean agreed. 

 

Dean would probably agree to anything for Sam.

 

Cas didn't say anything else, he just turned and started back up to the house. It wasn't until he started up the steps that he realized that Dean hadn't budged an inch. He turned around, a frown tugging his lips down. Dean just stood there, looking sort of afraid.

 

“Dean.” Cas said and started back down, throat going tight with worry. 

 

“Just tell me that you're going to give me a chance soon. Just  _ tell me _ that you're not brushing this off so you can put off telling me no.” Dean said. 

 

“Dean.” Cas said again, it coming out softer and lighter. Dean looked ashamed for needing that reassurance and pure scared that Cas might not give it to him after everything. 

 

It made Cas’ everything go soft. He could feel his heart clench at the mere reverence he had for Dean. He wanted to reach out and hold him. All this push and pull and uncertainty, Dean was exhausted. He was done with it, wanted it to stop right then. Cas could see that and he agreed, even as scared as he was about the outcome. 

 

“I just- I- I love you, okay? I don't know how not to, so just tell me it's okay.” Dean whispered and his voice cracked as he dropped his eyes. 

 

Cas had tears gathering in his eyes and his heart was racing. He couldn't quite breathe and every single nerve in his body twitched with the need to just  _ go to him _ . And everything, all that he was feeling, it was perfect. The relief, the amazement, the pure joy, it was everything to him and Dean had just handed it over in a three worded package. 

 

Cas only held back for one moment before he collided into Dean, hugging him tightly. His arms squeezed Dean's shoulders and he buried his face into Dean's neck. Dean gave an  _ oomph _ and his hands ventured out to settle against his back,  _ clutching _ at him. 

 

Dean loved him, too. 

 

It was, hands down, the absolute  _ best _ moment in his entire life. Cas didn't care that he was crying and that he hadn't eased his grip at all. Dean loved him and that made Cas feel impenetrable to all things negative. He was happy, just  _ beyond _ happy. 

 

“Cas.” Dean said, lightly pushing at him. “Cas, what does this mean? I don't- Please say  _ something _ .” 

 

“Okay.” Cas said weakly and pulled back. “Okay. I can do that. I can say something.” 

 

“Well…” Dean said hesitantly, biting his lip. 

 

“I shouldn't have to say it. Because, you should know. Because, I've loved you since I was eight. Because, you're the only person I've  _ ever _ been in love with. And, I'm  _ still _ in love with you.” Cas said in a babble, his heart attempting to rip out of his chest. 

 

Dean blinked, his face going slack with pure shock. It wasn't like it wasn't obvious but Dean seemed surprised, as if it was news. Maybe to him but Cas had been living with loving Dean for what felt like forever. So, he just enjoyed the way Dean's face transformed from shock to complete awe. 

 

Dean brightened, eyes lighting up, lips splitting into a wide grin. Cas should've known but he hadn't thought about it, which was stupid. If he had, he might wouldn't have squeaked when Dean suddenly kissed him. It didn't matter because once the shock melted away, so did the world. 

 

Cas didn't give a damn about absolutely anything but how good Dean's lips felt against his and the echo of Dean saying he loved him. The kiss was like coming home and Cas realized that Dean was shortening it. He made it into a series of happy, consecutive pecks that he could slip words in between. 

 

“I love you.” 

 

Kiss. 

 

“I love you.” 

 

Kiss.

 

“I-” 

 

Cas shut him up before he started weeping again. Because, really, crying could ruin a good, hot kiss easily. 

 

But, they weren't getting far. They couldn't kiss forever, though they weren't opposed. They did have to go in eventually. It just had to wait one moment. 

 

“I wanna date you.” Dean breathed against his lips when he unfortunately pulled away. 

 

“Okay.” Cas said. “I like burgers.” 

 

“I also really wanna fuck you.” 

 

“I think the term is make love.” 

 

“I've got a lot of pent up frustration. It's going to be fucking, I can promise that.” Dean said, a certain edge to his tone. Cas suppressed a shiver and legit goosebumps rose on him. He was  _ excited _ . 

 

“Okay. I'm good with that.” Cas said, their noses brushing as their foreheads rested against each others. It felt so intimate and Cas loved it. 

 

“Unfortunately, I'm not having sex with you in my mom's house. That's just... _ wrong _ .” 

 

“When do we leave?” 

 

“In a rush, Cas?” 

 

“Don't tease me. I'm frustrated too.” 

 

“Fair enough. We're was staying a week.” 

 

“A week. We have to wait a week. Okay. We've waited this long.”

 

“We can wait a week, Cas.” Dean chuckled. 

 

“This is going to suck.” Cas murmured. 

 

“Nah, this is going to be fun because I'm going to drive you  _ crazy _ .” Dean said in amusement. 

 

“Oh, it's going to be like that?” Cas huffed. 

 

“Yes.” Dean said. 

 

“Fine.” Cas replied, humming. 

 

“I really fucking love you.” Dean said and he shut his eyes. He looked peaceful and Cas couldn't help it. He leaned forward, lightly pressing a kiss to those ridiculously plump lips. 

 

“I love you, Dean.” Cas whispered when he pulled back. Dean didn't open his eyes and he just stood there, a content smile on his face. 

 

“How much do you wanna bet they're all watching out a window?” Dean asked him lightly. 

 

“Turn around?” Cas asked. 

 

“Mhm.” Dean agreed. 

 

“Now.” Cas breathed against his lips.

 

They turned around suddenly and all the faces pressed against the glass yanked back and the curtains fluttered back in place. Cas chuckled and Dean rolled his eyes. 

 

“We should go inside.” Dean hummed. 

 

“Okay.” Cas agreed.

 

“But, just so there is absolutely no confusion, we're considered dating.” Dean stated seriously. 

 

“Yes.” Cas agreed and nodded. 

 

“Never dated a guy before.” Dean mumbled and started towards the house, his fingers wrapped into Cas’ and pulling him along. 

 

Cas absolutely did not get a goofy smile on his face. 

 

Except he did. 

 

“Jesus, Dean, you been busy!” Jo burst out as they walked in. She started forward and slammed into him, hugging him before pulling back and punching his arm. 

 

Dean never let his hand go. 

 

“I fell.” Dean said and shrugged. 

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked as he stood up from the couch, a frown on his face. 

 

“Yeah, I'm good.” Dean said and reached out, lightly clapping Sam's shoulder. 

 

“I was worried.” Sam admitted and stepped forward, hugging Dean quickly and stepping away before anyone could even comment. 

 

“We all were.” Lisa said softly. She hugged Dean and at that point, there was practically a line. 

 

“What did the doctor say?” Benny asked.

 

“Gotta be watched for strange behavior and have to be woken up every two hours.” Dean said and rolled his eyes. “I'm fine, though.” 

 

“Anna says you forgot Cas.” Jo said and frowned. 

 

“He did.” Sam confirmed. “That's why we're so worried.”

 

“Okay, guys, put it out there. Thanks.” Dean huffed. 

 

“Does your head hurt?” Jess asked, still sitting on the couch, just watching everything go on. 

 

“A little but it's alright.” Dean said uncaringly. 

 

“Do you need anything?” Mary asked him. 

 

“Nope.” Dean said and grinned around at everyone. 

 

“So, that's it?” Sam asked. “You're fine. Everything's just good? Just like that?” 

 

“Yep.” Dean confirmed. “Just like that, Sammy.” 

 

“That's awfully anticlimactic.” Anna said conversationally. 

 

“That's a good thing.” Mary countered. 

 

“Well, if that's it…” Jo started. “Anna put away the food and ordered pizza. So.” 

 

“Oh, thanks.” Dean said and blinked. 

 

“Yeah, anything you need.” Anna said quietly. 

 

“So.” Jo coughed awkwardly. “Pizza?” 

 

Everyone started mumbling at once and headed towards the kitchen. Dean seemed pretty much calm and kept his fingers curled around Cas’ fingers, tugging him along. Cas followed happily. 

 

Mary and Jo passed around plates, Lisa grabbed cups, and Benny pulled out a large Pepsi for everyone to drink on. Within ten minutes, everyone had food and were talking in a newer, lighter atmosphere. Dean sat beside Cas and they held hands under the table. 

 

It was somewhere into his second slice that Dean let his hand go. Cas felt bereft and frowned but his disappointment only lasted so long. Fingers slowly crawled up the inside of his thigh and Cas’ head whipped around to stare at Dean. But, there was nothing. No give on his face as he talked to Sam and Benny, nothing at all. 

 

Cas closed his legs tight, holding Dean's hand in place. Or,  _ trying _ . Dean was unperturbed and just slowly kept inching his hand up his thigh. Cas stood up suddenly, knocking his knee into the table. Dean stared up at him in confusion right along with everyone else. 

 

“What's wrong, Cas?” Mary asked him softly. Cas hoped to everything that his face was blank and not as hot as it felt to him. 

 

“Yeah, Cas, what's wrong?” Dean asked and sure, Cas could admit Dean was a good actor. 

 

“Nothing, stood up too fast. Be right back.” Cas mumbled and made his escape to the bathroom. 

 

It was as he leaned weakly against the door and waited for his perked up dick to relax because it  _ wasn't happening _ that Cas realized that  _ it was on _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end, everyone. I do have another chapter planned. Drop a comment and let me know how you felt about the big 'I Love You' part.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cas, what the fuck are you doing?” Dean asked impatiently. The atmosphere had shifted from fun and experimental to we should fuck now.
> 
>  
> 
> “Just- I need- Yes!” Cas said triumphantly and leaned back, holding a small bottle of lube like it was made of gold. Dean blinked at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, my lovely amazing people, this is it. This is the end. Just to say, this is basically all smut, so. Yeah, if you don't like smut, well, I'm sorry, but I'm trash, so. I repeat, there will be gay sex, I repeat. Anyway, this is it. I will miss writing this and I will miss talking to those who've stuck around. I adore you guys and these guys and this story. So, enjoy.
> 
> -sobs

Dean had made a  _ huge _ mistake. 

 

See, Dean had been one hundred percent sure that he, the seductive man that he was, would end up driving Cas crazy by teasing him. A quick grope here, stealing a kiss there, and Cas would be stuck. Which, you know, Dean  _ had _ done those very things. 

 

But, what he didn't bank on was Cas. 

 

Cas could be a sexy motherfucker when he wanted to be. Which, Dean had known that  _ but _ Cas hadn't shown him just how good at seducing he was. Maybe if he had, they would've been fucking  _ way _ sooner. 

 

Thing was, Dean didn't want to waste another second. He could remember staring into blue eyes and thinking they were so fucking gorgeous but being unsure who owned them. He could remember the crippling worry painted onto Cas’ face as they drove to the hospital. He could remember how Cas had hugged him and held him and told him that he was loved. He could remember how Cas had kissed him, like he needed it to breathe, like it was a test he desperately wanted to ace.  

 

He'd thought, foolishly, that a great way to pass the week would be to leave Cas in a constant state of wound up sexual frustration. Because, hey, he was an asshole and the sex would be amazing and why not? Turned out, that was just a wasted dream. 

 

Cas was subtle. He managed to crawl under Dean's skin so fast and so easily and so unbelievably unnoticeable. Dean was the one going crazy. 

 

The day after Dean got back to the hospital, he wasn't feeling too happy. One, he had been woken every two hours by a very worried Mary,  _ without fail _ . Two, the bump on his forehead had darkened into something that everyone cringed at seeing,  _ including Cas.  _ And, three, Dean had been forced to share a bed with Benny and Cas slept in the room with Anna in a separate twin sized bed that Dean couldn't dream of squeezing onto because Mary thought it was better arrangements, meaning she was scared of the state of her sheets if Dean and Cas slept together. 

 

His day only proceeded to get worse. 

 

First, he had met Cas in the hallway and was subjected to the sight of Cas sporting sexy as hell bed head, loose pajama pants that hung low on his hips, and completely fucking  _ shirtless _ . Which, it was a gift until his dick was interested and Cas walled into the bathroom and shut the door in his face casually. Worse, when he stepped back out, he looked more awake, though no more clothed, and he paused to step up to Dean and give him a quick kiss. He completely ignored Dean's stale morning breath and left the taste of mint from his toothpaste against Dean's teeth. Then, Dean walked into the bathroom and scrubbed his teeth in shame.

 

At breakfast, Cas sat purposefully across from him and kept his feet crossed in his chair so Dean couldn't have any contact. Which, okay, he could deal with that. It was the fact that Cas apparently fucking adored the sausage links Mary had made along with waffles for breakfast that nearly broke him. He hated to sexual Cas eating sausage but  _ fuck _ , Cas  _ really  _ liked them. His lips wrapped around the meat in a sinuous way and Dean's dick gave a literal twich. 

 

After that, Cas agreed to go on a run with Sam. It didn't worry him that the guy he was in love with and his little brother would be alone for a good hour. He wasn't stupid. He knew Sam would appreciate it more if he got to say his peace. 

 

And, when they returned, they were laughing and talking as if they'd been best friends forever. Which, Dean might've commented on that if he could've gotten his tongue to unstick from the roof of his mouth. Cas was sweaty and his eyes were bright and he kept using the bottom of the front of his shirt to wipe his face, flashing his smooth stomach. It was distracting. 

 

Dean spent time with his friends and his mom while Sam and Cas took turns in the shower. When Cas joined them, his hair was wet and all over the place, which was hot, and he smelled like  _ Dean _ . He'd used Dean's body wash and if that wasn't the weirdest turn on, he didn't know what was. It turned him on, anyway. 

 

After that, it was Cas doing yoga with Lisa and proving to Dean that he was also bendy. 

 

After that, it was Cas giving him that look, the one that made all common sense come to a screeching halt. The one where his eyebrow flicked up and his lips slightly tightened. It made Dean fucking  _ weak _ . 

 

After that, it was Cas speaking some Latin he'd learned in college. Because, who fucking knew that being bilingual was a turn on. But, it was just another thing to add to the list that Dean was discovering about himself when it came to Cas. 

 

After that, it was Cas leaning too far and showing some skin. 

 

After that, it was a stray touch. 

 

It went on and on and on and it was absolutely  _ maddening _ . By the time he went to bed, he was almost ready to cry with how bad he needed release. Benny seemed altogether oblivious to his pain and snored on, uncaring that Dean was regretting teasing Cas more and more by the second.  

 

Every day after, it just got worse and worse. 

 

No matter how many times he fucked his hand furiously in the shower, he couldn't shake the need to fuck Cas. It was like a coat he couldn't take off, always there and completely smothering him. 

 

Cas, the asshole, was absolutely no help. He'd keep his hands all over Dean in the quickest and most unnoticed ways. Yet, the moment Dean so much as tried to return the touching, tried to take it somewhere, Cas somehow managed to evade him. 

 

And, every time Dean turned around, Cas was doing  _ something _ that managed to send a jolt straight to his dick. It was this build up that Dean felt was going to erupt soon enough and it would most likely kill him, he was sure. First, insanity and then, death. 

 

Dean started to get visibly frustrated. 

 

The sad thing was, everyone was oblivious.  _ No one _ saw Cas’ subtle teasing, not a damn one of ‘em. When Dean got frustrated or stared at Cas like he could drag him off and eat him, everyone called him out on it. Yet, they never seen Cas’ side of it. 

 

It got so bad towards the end of the week that Dean was positive that Cas could just sneeze and he'd be turned on. Dean was pathetic, basically. 

 

The tables had turned on him so fast and he was the one who ended up being drove nuts. Cas? Oh, he seemed completely fine. Dean almost wondered if Cas  _ enjoyed _ it. It was just Dean who didn't seem to have any type of fun. 

 

And, retaliation wasn't an option. Anytime Dean tried, Cas didn't crack. After the very first time, he kept himself under complete and utter control. Dean could've probably thrown him down and fucked him in front of everyone and Cas wouldn't have shown it. 

 

So, when they were about to leave and head back towards the college, Dean considered a mental institution instead. 

 

He'd hugged Mary and Sam and Jess before he left. He'd squeezed them all tight and promised to come back soon. He swore to call them all. He asked Jess to take care of Sam and asked Sam to take care of Mary. After the slightly emotional goodbyes, Dean and Cas got into the impala and pulled away. 

 

Thirty minutes into the drive and Dean was pretty sure he was going to come in his pants. 

 

Dean had looked over to Cas once and seen the look there. He'd noted the hooded eyes, the parted lips, the spark of  _ want _ , and he'd immediately gotten hard. He'd shifted and nearly ran into a ditch before glancing away and watching the road. 

 

Thirty minutes later, he was still hard and he could still feel Cas’ eyes on him. But, he couldn't be distracted because it was night and they were taking back roads. He had to focus in case a curve came up or a deer. Sadly, he could barely think or breathe. The air seemed to be sucked from the car, only to be replaced with thick tension was ready to  _ snap _ . 

 

Dean was gonna snap. 

 

“Dean, find some field to pull off in.” Cas murmured. 

 

It took a good twenty minutes before he managed to find a field that seemed altogether deserted. He whipped in and watched as Cas reached over to turn off the headlights. Dean's heart raced as he shut the car off, his breath coming out shorter. 

 

Cas opened his door and climbed out, leaning back down and looking at him. 

 

“Cas…” Dean started. 

 

“Pop the trunk. Get in the back.” Cas said and shut the passenger door. 

 

Dean hesitated for about three seconds before he did as Cas wanted. He popped the trunk and got out, going to the car and climbing in the back. He slid until his back was against the door and his legs were propped up in the seat. Cas seemed to take forever before he opened the door opposite of Dean. 

 

“Cas…” Dean tried again as Cas bent in. 

 

“Shh.” Cas cut him off. 

 

And then, he had a lap full of Cas. Which, that was fucking great, it was, but- 

 

Cas kissed him without any warning. 

 

Dean wished that he hadn't gasped like some lovesick teenager but he did and Cas took complete advantage, the sneaky bastard. He had Dean on autopilot and thinking with his dick in three seconds flat with just his tongue. 

 

It was all so hot and so fast. Before Dean knew it, his hands were pressing into skin and Cas was throwing his shirt into the front seat. Dean didn't want to tear his mouth from Cas’ collarbones to let Cas rip his shirt above his head but Cas absolutely didn't give a fuck. Cas nudged him back with a small, impatient noise in the back of his throat and yanked it off anyway. 

 

Cas let out a breath and his eyes almost sparkled in the darkness of the car. The moon was their only beacon of light and it made their skin look milky. Cas traced his fingers down Dean's chest and his eyes were wide like a little kid's when they'd unwrapped a present for the first time. Dean couldn't help but press a smile into Cas’ skin, tasting as much as the open canvas in front of him would allow. 

 

Dean expected to get caught up in it, to just go mindless about it and be driven and hard. But, he found himself wanting to touch every spare inch of Cas’ just so he could say he did, just so he could hold the knowledge that he truly did love every inch of him. It was such romantic bullshit that Dean never felt with any other sex partner but he didn't care. It felt good and he could barely breathe every time their eyes met.

 

Cas tugged at his belt, obviously indicating that they were too clothed for him. Which, Dean was in agreement with that. They spent the next few minutes fumbling in the tight space of the car to get naked. When they won that war, they struggled against the leather of the car that kept trying to stick to them. After a few more minutes of snorts and chuckles as they shifted and laid out clothes, they were finally where they wanted to be.

 

Dean marveled that he had a naked Cas in his lap while Cas seeked out every erogenous spot above Dean's waist line with his tongue. Dean wondered, and immediately regretted wondering, if Cas was bothered by Dean's very obvious arousal that kept poking him in the hip or leg. Cas nipped at the small dip above his left hip and he found he didn't care. 

 

“Oh.” Dean breathed when Cas nipped and sucked his way from the left hip to his right. 

 

Dean wondered why he was so breathy and why he couldn't barely push a moan past his lips. Was he loud during sex usually? Not really but he wasn't normally on the verge of passing out, either. Even if it was in a good way. Nothing had exactly felt so good before and it might've been because every touch meant something to him. 

 

“I can stop.” Cas offered, blinking up at him, head above Dean's dick, unbothered. It wasn't the first time he'd seen a dick that wasn't his. 

 

Dean hadn't gotten to experience that yet. 

 

“No, I'm good.” Dean managed and took a deep breath. “It feels good.” 

 

“Good.” Cas hummed. 

 

Cas wrapping his lips around the head of his dick was probably the most intense sight Dean had seen in ever. He had to squeeze his eyes closed and throw his head back to stave off the feeling, knocking his head into the window handle and not caring. Cas hummed around him, as if laughing, and Dean twitched, a sudden moan breaking free. 

 

It was obviously not the first time Cas had a dick in his mouth, either. Because,  _ fuck _ . 

 

“Jesus,  _ fuck _ .” Dean groaned harshly through clenched teeth. “Stop, stop, stop!” 

 

“What?” Cas huffed, a popping noise sounding when he pulled off. Dean nearly whimpered at that. 

 

“Not gonna last. Switch.” 

 

Dean ignored Cas’ smirk and basically tossed Cas under him. There was some wriggling and Dean cursed when he stubbed his toe. But, Cas laughed and Dean caught the smile, the bright eyes, and he suddenly wanted to finish his original mission and see every inch of Cas. So, he looked. 

 

Cas had sexy as hell hipbones, his thighs were toned, and his ankles were skinny. If Dean were comparing dicks, he'd have to say that Cas was well endowed, though a bit shorter than Dean's. But, he wasn't comparing, he was  _ desiring _ and that was different. Dean hadn't ever seen a dick besides his own and he supposed that was a good thing because it would've been weird if he'd had spotted a buddy's and his mouth just randomly started watering. 

 

Though, it might just be Cas. He liked everything about him. His dick included, apparently. 

 

Dean was, admittedly, curious. So, he skipped kissing his way down to Cas’ dick and just went right to it. For maybe ten seconds, Dean just stared at it. He had a blowjob before, he knew what it entailed. He'd probably be good at it. He knew what he himself liked, so he could probably wing it. He didn't want to  _ just _ fuck Cas with his hand. Oddly, for someone unused to it, he wanted to fuck Cas with his mouth, too. 

 

So, before he could stop himself, he just wrapped his lips around the top and took a deep breath through his nose. Heavy in his mouth, odd taste, though not bad, and bigger than first assumed or at least from that particular angle. 

 

While Dean had been quiet, Cas let out a moan, his hands visibly fisting in the shirt beneath his hips. Dean liked that. He liked the noises Cas would make. So, he proceeded to do whatever made Cas keen the loudest and moan the most. 

 

“Dean, Dean, wait!” Cas burst out suddenly, his body curling up. “Wait, stop that!” 

 

Dean popped off and it made him amused at the small noise. Cas was panting and their noses bumped from the close proximity. Their eyes were locked and something about the way they were so close and so in tune with each other was intimate. 

 

They were suddenly kissing. It was heated, their teeth clacking, tongues seeking. Dean buried his hands in Cas’ mess of hair and Cas scrambled into his lap, using his shoulders to brace himself. Cas kept giving small noises of impatience, almost whimpers, and his fingers tugged and pushed at Dean, moving him until he was laying flat. 

 

Dean sucked in air as Cas bent over the front seat and dug around in his pockets for something. 

 

“Cas, what the fuck are you doing?” Dean asked impatiently. The atmosphere had shifted from fun and experimental to  _ we should fuck now. _

 

“Just- I need- Yes!” Cas said triumphantly and leaned back, holding a small bottle of lube like it was made of gold. Dean blinked at it. 

 

“Where did you get that?” Dean asked curiously.

 

“I always keep a bottle of lube. Never know when I might need it. I keep it in my bag.” Cas answered as he popped the lid. 

 

“That's…convenient.” Dean mumbled, watching as Cas spread it onto his fingers. 

 

“Maybe I was just hopeful.” Cas whispered. 

 

He braced his free hand on Dean's chest and sat up on his knees. Dean watched him, half curious, half mesmerized. On one hand, Dean knew how it worked but he never seen it happen before. 

 

Knowing what happened couldn't have prepared him for the sight of Cas sinking down on one finger. Cas exhaled a small puff of air and Dean watched, jaw slacked, as the finger disappeared into Cas. It was probably the most arousing and filthy thing he had ever seen in his entire life. 

 

“Fuck me.” Dean whispered, eyes blown wide.

 

“Next time.” Cas chuckled throatily and slowly moved up and sank down, giving Dean a clear view. 

 

Cas continued on that way before adding another finger. Dean's dick ached, leaking at the top, and throbbing at a steady beat. Still, as he watched and he listened to Cas’ breathing start to splinter into small whimpers of pleasure, Dean  _ wondered _ . 

 

Dean thought that maybe he could take Cas at face value and swap next time. 

 

“Cas.” Dean said suddenly, his eyes falling to Cas’ dick. “Cas. I wanna touch you. Can- Can I-” 

 

“Yes,  _ yes _ .” Cas moaned out, sinking down faster on three fingers. Dean swallowed. 

 

“Okay.” Dean said. 

 

Dean reached out with trembling fingers and slowly wrapped his fingers around Cas’ dick, giving slow strokes. Cas closed his eyes and groaned, his hips rocking in a way that Dean felt entranced by. He just kept watching Cas’ fingers disappear into his own body and the knowledge that soon, his dick would follow made Dean breathless. 

 

Soon came quicker than he thought. Cas let out a strangled moan and knocked Dean's hand from his dick, scooting back. Cas opened his eyes and Dean sucked in a sharp breath when fingers suddenly wrapped around his dick, holding it. Dean watched, transfixed as Cas slowly sank down, his fingers guiding Dean's dick into him. 

 

Dean couldn't describe how fucking amazing it felt as Cas’ heat sank down on him torturously slow. Dean felt a gargled groan leave him and he didn't even care. Dean's mouth fell open when Cas’ gorgeous blue eyes met his and he seated himself fully. 

 

“Dean.” Cas whispered. 

 

“Are you okay?” Dean gritted out. 

 

“Oh god, yes.” Cas said. 

 

Cas then slowly pulled up. It was like literal torture and Dean had to fight his hips from bucking. Then, Cas plopped down. It wasn't slow; it was very abrupt. And, Dean wasn't sure what noise he made but Cas seemed to like it, if the way his dick twitched against Dean's stomach was anything to go by. 

 

Cas moved his hands and placed them on Dean's chest, his blue eyes never straying from Dean's. He lifted up and sank back down. Over and over, he did that until they found their rhythm. 

 

Dean hadn't ever felt so connected to someone during sex but he did then. Cas’ eyes stayed locked on his and their breathing seemed to pant out in sync. The fog on the windows, every slap of skin, the leakage on Dean's stomach from Cas’ dick, those were just background details. 

 

It was Cas picking up his speed that stayed at the forefront of Dean's mind. It was how he reached up and ran his fingers over Cas’ wrists, up his arms, across his shoulders to cradle his face. It was the way Cas reached out and nipped the pad of Dean's thumb when Dean ran his thumb over Cas’ lips. 

 

Dean was absolutely stunned and dazzled by Cas. 

 

“You're amazing, Cas. I love you. Fuck, I love you. I fucking need you. I- Oh, god.” Dean babbled as Cas’ speed grew more frantic. 

 

Cas’ hips stuttered and he let out a long moan, his nails digging into Dean's chest. Dean dropped his hands to Cas’ hips and took over. Cas’ moan went from splintering off to increasing in volume rapidly as Dean proceeded to pound into him. 

 

“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,  _ oh _ !” Cas repeated over and over, his words almost hiccups of pleasure. 

 

Dean jerked his hips with complete abandon, the sounds moving between them all but pornographic. He could feel the build, the tight tidal wave that threatened to take over. It was so strong and it felt so fucking good. Sex had never been so utterly amazing and he could feel his whole body tightening up. 

 

“Fuck, Cas.” Dean groaned.

 

He reached out a hand and gave one tug on Cas’ dick while giving one pressing thrust and Cas was done. He gave a loud shout and painted Dean's stomach. Not even two thrusts later and Dean followed, coming harder than he  _ ever _ came before. He was fairly sure he shouted his head off but he didn't give a fuck. 

 

All of his muscles unlocked and Cas splayed out on top of him. They both rode out their post orgasm high, both panting. Dean stared at the top of Cas’ head and all he could think was how much he loved him. 

 

“I love you.” Cas mumbled after their breathing slowed down. 

 

“I love you too.” Dean murmured back. 

 

“That was good. We should do that again in a few hours.” Cas said with a small hum. 

 

“We'll never get home.” Dean mused. 

 

“Like I said, it was good.” 

 

“That good?” 

 

“That good.” 

 

“Car sex isn't always the easiest.” 

 

“I like this car.” Cas said, almost defensively. Dean grinned and dropped a kiss to Cas’ hair. 

 

“I like you, you dork. Now, get up. I don't like sticky substances.” Dean mumbled. 

 

Cas groaned but sat up. They got cleaned up and threw back on their clothes. They climbed back into the front and Cas reached over, threading their fingers together. Dean let him and smiled. 

 

“Hey, Dean.” Cas said. 

 

“Hmm?” Dean asked. 

 

“Did you know that I've loved you since we were little kids?” Cas asked him. “I've known it since before I kissed you before I moved.” 

 

“I think I've loved you since I seen you and those blue eyes of yours.” Dean said honestly. 

 

“Pure luck we bumped into each other again.” Cas mused, a smile curling his lips. 

 

“Nah,” Dean said. “Eight year old me knew it even if I didn't a week ago but we were always gonna be together.” 

 

“Even after everything we've been through?” Cas laughed dubiously. 

 

“ _ Especially _ after everything.” Dean confirmed. 

 

“I'm glad you think so.” Cas said, pleased. 

 

“I'm just glad you remembered me.” 

  
Cas’ laughter eventually drifted softly into the night. And when Cas fell asleep holding his hand, Dean made sure not to let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over, I'm crying! I love you guys, thank you so much. Drop a comment if you'd like!
> 
> -sobs


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dean, I want you to shove me up against a wall and fuck me until I can't speak anymore.” Sarah announced seriously.
> 
>  
> 
> Dean's mouth dropped open and he stared at Sarah like he'd never seen her before. She was strong willed, he'd give her that, but damn. A hand slid into his, soft and warm and Dean's heart stopped because he knew just who that hand belonged to.
> 
>  
> 
> It was in that moment that Dean knew he'd fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so the very lovely torigirl103 has requested another chapter. And, seeing as I teased at Cas being a top in this fic, I figured I would give it. And, honestly, torigirl103 has been commenting on this fic since chapter one. Been here through every update and dealt with my long ass moments of silence. A lot of you have. So, I figured, why not? I adore you all and thank you so much for enjoying this. Thank you for encouraging me and giving me a reason to want to continue. With that, I hope you enjoy.

“Hey, Dean!” 

 

Dean walked faster. 

 

“Dean!” 

 

Just when he thought he'd get away, a hand caught his arm and gave a small tug. Dean fixed a polite smile on his face. Sarah beamed up at him. 

 

“Hey, Sarah.” Dean said weakly. 

 

“Dean, you never called me.” Sarah said, arching an eyebrow. If Dean didn't love Cas and constantly think about him, he'd appreciated her sassiness. 

 

“I didn't. I, uh, got caught up, actually.” Dean mumbled awkwardly. 

 

“Really?” Sarah challenged. 

 

“Yeah. No hard feelings though, right?” Dean offered, giving a tentative smile. Sarah pursed her lips. 

 

“I guess you could make it up to my somehow.” She said and gave a flirty smile. Six months ago, Dean would've went for that so hard. 

 

“I can fix cars if you ever blow a tire.” Dean offered quickly, glancing around. 

 

“Who says  _ I  _ can't change a tire?” Sarah asked, eyebrows jumping higher. 

 

“Uh, not me. Of course, you can. I didn't doubt that you could.” Dean said quickly, internally wincing. 

 

“That's not exactly where I was going with that. But, for your information, I can change a tire. I was thinking a little more on the indoors side.” Sarah deadpanned, making it obvious. Dean decided to play dumb in hopes she would let it go. 

 

“I know how to cook. I can make a pie for you and your roommate.” Dean offered. 

 

“Dean, I want you to shove me up against a wall and fuck me until I can't speak anymore.” Sarah announced seriously. 

 

Dean's mouth dropped open and he stared at Sarah like he'd never seen her before. She was strong willed, he'd give her that, but  _ damn.  _ A hand slid into his, soft and warm and Dean's heart stopped because he knew just who that hand belonged to. 

 

It was in that moment that Dean knew he'd fucked up. 

 

“I do apologize, Sarah, but Dean's going to need a raincheck because I have to borrow him.” 

 

Cas’ voice was calm and smooth and Sarah didn't seem at all bothered by Cas tugging him away. Dean stumbled after Cas, feeling his fingers slowly tighten around Dean's. He immediately went to stuttering. 

 

“Cas, I wouldn't- You know that- You just- I didn't say  _ anything _ and I-” 

 

The door to Dean's dorm, the one that he'd been rushing to, opened softly and clicked shut behind him as Cas gave a final tug and let him go. Dean stared at Cas’ face, his heart hammering and his mouth opening wide. Cas had that fucking  _ look _ that drove Dean absolutely  _ insane _ . The one that suggested he wanted to rip Dean's clothes off and push him down and take complete control. He never had before. 

 

Two months with Cas and Dean still hadn't had enough of him. Dean didn't know that loving someone so much was possible, yet he did Cas. He also had no idea what it was like to want to constantly bury himself in someone. Cas always seemed to not mind and always opened himself up to Dean. 

 

And, the sex. Jesus, the sex was absolutely glorious. Dean found himself pounding into Cas so many times that he lost count. They fucked in places Dean  _ knew _ shouldn't have been possible. They fucked any chance they got. Or rather, Dean fucked Cas. 

 

Dean could easily recall the time Jo had thrown a party because she found out that she most certainly was  _ not _ pregnant, thank God, and Dean slipped off with Cas to bang him on the roof. The cops ended up at the party because Cas nearly shouted his head off. There was the time Dean sucked Cas off at the cafe Gabriel worked at in the bathroom and he'd never been so smug talking to Gabriel before, though Cas had been a blushing mess. 

 

But, the thing was, Dean was always the one doing the fucking. Not that he minded. Really, he didn't. It was just that sometimes, he'd get this  _ ache _ where he really wanted to...well, swap. But, he  _ never _ breathed a word about it and Cas never pushed him. Cas had offered and Dean had bit his lip and shook his head, not quite there, despite his curiosity, and Cas and respected that, dropped it, and never brought it up again. Cas also slowed down on taking so much control, seeming content to let Dean do that. 

 

Except, sometimes, he'd give these  _ looks _ . Full on sex glowing in his eyes that nearly yanked a whimper out of Dean. It could make him go from completely calm to readjusting his sudden ragingly aroused dick in three seconds flat. It was a look that made something in Dean want to offer himself over to Cas and say  _ have at it, man, really.  _

 

That was the look on Cas’ face that he had to deal with currently. Eyes blazing, mouth tight, that one eyebrow slightly cocked. Dean's breath evaporated and he licked his lips, waiting. Usually, too long of that look and he'd snap, moving forward and wrapping around Cas like he wanted to sink into him. But, this time, he waited, seeing if Cas would say something about what had happened with Sarah. 

 

Cas didn't. 

 

Cas walked purposefully forward and fisted his hand in Dean's shirt, pushing him back. Dean's eyes went wide when his back slammed into the wall. He gave a small noise of shock that was quickly muffled by Cas’ insistent lips. Dean's little noise quickly turned into a hum and his eyes flickered shut. 

 

Two months and Cas’ mouth was still enough to make Dean nearly come in his pants. And, Cas was being practically filthy at that point. His tongue was wantonly stroking, teeth tugging, pulling moans from Dean's lips. It was a bruising kiss, almost painful, but damn if Dean didn't fucking  _ like  _ it. 

 

Dean reached up to dig his fingers through Cas’ hair but hands gripped his wrists tightly and pinned them to the wall. Cas crowded forward, blanketing Dean's body with his own. And, oh okay, that was hot. Dean made another little noise and Cas pulled away, only to dive down to his neck and nip sharply at his skin. It was just on the side of hurting but it didn't. Instead, the slight dash of roughness seemed to have a direct line to his dick and was yanking it up. 

 

“Cas.” Dean breathed, his head falling back. 

 

If anything, Cas became more intent on what he was doing. His lips were almost assuredly leaving hickies but fuck, Dean couldn't care. Cas just feasted on as if it was his right and Dean couldn't seem to fault that. The next thing was Cas shoving his leg between Dean's and applying quick friction straight to Dean's dick. Dean gave a strangled groan. 

 

Heat prickled down his body and every nip at his throat seemed to make his balls tighten even more, pushing him closer and closer. Cas just rocked faster and faster and faster. Dean couldn't help it; his hips went to rocking and his jaw went slack. 

 

“I could make you come right now.” Cas noted, his words a mere breath that fogged against Dean's ear. 

 

“Mmm.” Dean hummed, his hips still rocking. 

 

“But, I'm not. You can't come yet.” Cas said matter of factly and dropped his hands, stepping back. Dean's hands flopped to his sides and he gaped at Cas. 

 

“What-” 

 

“Stay here.” 

 

Cas didn't wait and walked away. Dean blinked after him while he walked towards Dean's room. Dean glanced down at the bulge in his pants and to the door Cas disappeared into. Dean bit his lip. On one hand, Dean's room had a bed. On another, Cas had said to stay. Was he seriously going to just listen to whatever Cas said? 

 

Yes, yes he was. 

 

Dean found himself basically incapable of moving, something in him wanting Cas to be pleased that he listened, which was stupid, he thought. But, Dean didn't budge and he waited. Not long, thankfully, because Cas came back a few minutes later. 

 

“Cas, about Sarah, I wasn't-” 

 

Cas swallowed the rest of his words, just pressing back in like he'd never left. Which, yeah, Dean was very cool with that. Cas kissed him just enough to leave him breathless and pulled away. 

 

“Lift up your arms.” Cas murmured. Dean blinked but complied, arms moving before he thought about why he was listening so well. 

 

“Okay.” Dean said. 

 

Cas smirked at him and reached over, pulling his shirt gently over his head. Cas eyed his chest with interest, as he always did when he got to look. Dean didn't know why but Cas had a thing about his chest. When he'd asked, Cas said the freckles were attractive. 

 

Cas let his fingers trail down Dean's chest before slowly popping the button on his jeans. Cas held Dean's gaze, something sparking in the blue orbs that made Dean's mouth go dry. Dear god, Cas was going to absolutely wreck him and he fucking knew it. Cas tugged his jeans and boxers down. 

 

“Step out.” Cas said and it wasn't a suggestion. Dean did as Cas wanted, pretty much automatically. 

 

“Okay.” Dean said again, just standing there completely naked in front of a fully clothed Cas. They were that comfortable with each other. 

 

“My turn” Cas said as he kicked Dean's pants out of the way. 

 

“Good.” Dean hummed, watching as Cas got undressed and revealed smooth, tan skin. Dean had probably licked ever inch of that skin. 

 

“Now.” Cas said, naked too. “I'm going to fuck you against that wall until you can't speak anymore.” 

 

Dean blinked at Cas, slowly processing those words. It took him a few seconds and Cas waited, arching that fucking eyebrow, giving him that fucking look. That ache started up in him again and his dick practically throbbed. Did he really have a choice?

 

“Yeah, okay.” Dean croaked out. 

 

Dean caught a slight smirk on Cas’ face before his eyes were fluttering shut as Cas’ lips crashed into his, all hints of that smirk gone. There was just strict determination and passion in the kiss. If it was Cas’ goal to get Dean basically unravelled, he managed pretty quickly. Cas took complete control and Dean liked it so much that he forgot to be quiet. 

 

Cas’ hand wrapped around his dick and he gave a few pumps, spreading his precome with each flick of his wrist. Dean's mouth fell open and he groaned. Cas abandoned his lips and started tracing his jaw with his lips, slowly heading towards his pulse. 

 

“Shhh.” Cas whispered. “We're right by the door.” 

 

“ _ Fuck. _ ” Dean cursed. “I don't give a fuck.” 

 

Cas chuckled and pulled away. He pinned Dean with a look as he moved to his jeans and leaned down, grabbing his pants and pulling out lube. Dean watched curiously as Cas turned around and got lube on three of his fingers on his right hand. 

 

“Can I have a kiss?” Cas asked, which was stupid because there wasn't a time Cas  _ couldn't _ have a kiss.

 

“Yes.” Dean answered, like  _ duh _ . 

 

Cas nodded and moved forward, letting Dean go for a kiss this time. Cas hummed against his lips and Dean reached out to press one hand against the back of his neck and press the other into Cas’ cheek. Cas let Dean focus on the kiss, pressing forward and kissing back. Dean, so focused on the kiss, missed it when fingers smoothed down his right thigh. 

 

He noticed when Cas’ hand delved under his right knee and pulled it up. Dean yelped, pulling away and blinking at his leg casually thrown over Cas left arm. Then, Cas was dipping down and tossing Dean's leg over his shoulder like it was nothing. His lips wrapped around Dean's dick and Dean didn't give a fuck about anything. He threw his head back and let it happen. 

 

Cas was doing such a fine job of distracting him that he almost missed it when cool, slick fingers slid through his ass crack. He sucked in a sharp breath that quickly tapered off into a moan as Cas hummed around his dick and hollowed out his cheeks. Cas back up, pulling off with a  _ pop _ . 

 

“Relax.” Cas said softly and Dean did the exact opposite. He tensed up immediately. 

 

“Ouch, fuck.” Dean huffed as Cas slowly inched his finger in. Dean tightened up everything, his body refusing entry at all costs. 

 

“I said relax, not freak out.” Cas murmured, pausing.

 

“Sorry.” Dean grumbled, trying to relax. 

 

Cas just shook his head and wrapped his pretty pink lips right back around Dean's dick. It had, admittedly, flagged a bit but two swallows and he was back. Dean sighed and closed his eyes. He trusted Cas and he wanted this. God, he really wanted this. 

 

Dean relaxed and focused on Cas’ mouth. It was very distracting and knew just how to keep him right on the edge. Cas had him groaning through slight discomfort of a finger sliding in slowly. And, it was a discomfort. Dean honestly didn't know how Cas  _ liked _ it. 

 

Except about one minute later, he did. Because, the pumps of Cas’ finger was getting faster and deeper and  _ oh, that felt good.  _ A different kind of pleasure poured through him and his toes curled as he let out a garbled sound that made Cas hum happily around him. It was a full feeling, a slight friction that was sending sparks bouncing through him. 

 

The slight pinch of discomfort wasn't anything next to the amazing feeling he was starting to feel. A burning sensation came next as another slick finger slid in and pumped in too. Dean could feel the stretch, could feel the more full feeling, and he  _ liked  _ it. 

 

A good few moments later and a third finger joined the first two. Dean had no idea how it fit and how he wasn't splitting in half. It felt like a sharp pinch and a burn mixed. It didn't feel so good and Cas bobbed away, keeping him right there on that edge. Because, sure, it hurt a bit and he wasn't used to it, but his dick was encased in a hot mouth, so. 

 

Soon though, Dean's legs were shaking. Cas was slowing his bobbing. The pain had ebbed away and the full feeling was back. The friction was intensified and Dean felt like he was chasing after something more. It felt good at that point but it was almost a tease. There was something more, he just knew it. 

 

Cas stood up slowly,  _ popping _ off Dean's dick and licking his lips. Dean's leg inched down Cas’ arm as he stood, settling into the crook of his left arm. Cas kept pumping until his fingers slid in and out with complete ease. 

 

Dean was relieved when Cas kissed him. It allowed him to press whimpers into Cas’ lips. Because, he couldn't help it. It felt good, despite the slight twinge he felt every now and again, but it wasn't enough. He worried that maybe it just wasn't for him. And, how was that fair to Cas? 

 

Cas’ fingers suddenly left him and he made a small noise. It had felt good and the sudden empty feeling actually didn't. He was left searching for even more and he bit Cas’ bottom lip to let him know that it wasn't cool. Cas bit him back at the same time that his dick settled right at Dean's ass. 

 

“Ready?” Cas mumbled, his words basically going into Dean's mouth. 

 

Dean wasn't sure how Cas was going to make it work. It was a workout for Dean to drive into Cas on a bed, let alone against a wall. Yet, Cas seemed determined to fuck him right up against the wall. But, if Cas was set on it, he could give it a go. 

 

“Yes.” Dean breathed back. 

 

Cas reached up with one hand and grabbed each of Dean's hands and placed them on each of his own shoulders. Dean curled his fingers over the bare shoulders, bracing himself. He was right to because Cas crowded as close as possible and grabbed his left leg, lifting it and curling it around his own waist. 

 

For just a second, Dean thought he was falling but Cas backed him up against the wall and braced him there. Pinned there, Dean couldn't do anything but hold on. Cas was fucking strong. 

 

“Are you sure?” Cas asked, arching an eyebrow and smirking. The smug bastard. 

 

“Fucking positive.” Dean huffed. “Just don't drop me.”

 

Cas rolled his eyes and leaned back in, kissing him once, twice, and a third time. The third peck stretched out and turned hot. Cas pressed a searing kiss into his lips and with one smooth cant of his hips, he slid home. Dean grunted and his eyes flew wide. 

 

If he thought he was full  _ before _ , he was fucking wrong. Cas’ dick reached farther, stretched him wider, and pressed in harder. Dean shuddered and dug his nails into Cas’ shoulders. He was now thankful for Cas spending so much time pressing three lubed up fingers into him over and over. Even with that, there was the need for time to adjust that Cas patiently went still for. Dean couldn't imagine it without. 

 

“Good?” Cas gritted out. 

 

“Yep.” Dean huffed out. 

 

He was so busy evaluating how it felt to have Cas in him that he forgot to think about what it would feel like to have him  _ move. _

 

Cas went to thrusting like he was meant for it. Dean's eyes blew open wide and his mouth formed a perfect circle. The slap of skin against skin was drowned out by Dean's moans fairly quickly. The sounds that fell from his mouth increased in volume with every smooth snap of Cas’ hips. 

 

Because, Cas was hitting something deep in him  _ every single time.  _ It was a jolt through him every time Cas thrusted past that spot in him. Dean couldn't help but let out  _ oh, oh, oh, oh _ over and over. 

 

It was so, so,  _ so  _ good. Dean's fingers were clawing at Cas’ shoulders and his head was tossed back. He didn't know just how vocal he could get until the erotic whip of pleasure burst in him as Cas went to fucking town. Cas never even stuttered. He let out a steady chorus of moans that were often broken by panting. Dean understood because he was being fucked so hard and so fast that his chest was rising and falling too quickly for him. 

 

“Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck! _ ” Dean shouted as Cas suddenly picked up his pace, getting impossibly faster. 

 

It was so good and it didn't stop. It just built up and coiled hot and tight in him. Eventually, words failed him and he just let out huffs of air that strongly resembled squeaks. Cas wasn't stopping and he was consistently ramming into him like he might eventually hit gold or something. 

 

Faster and faster and Cas dropped his head on Dean's shoulder, curling closer and pressing in  _ deeper _ . Dean's whole body started clenching, every muscle getting tight and trembling and he wasn't even doing anything. He was fairly positive that pleasure was going to burst from every inch of him. 

 

Dean was going to cry. No, seriously, he was going to fucking weep if he didn't come right then. His very breath was wheezing out of him and his dick was so painfully hard. Cas sped up  _ even more,  _ slamming into him like some fucking machine stuck on overdrive. 

 

Dean tried to shout out  _ oh, god _ but nothing came out. He could feel every single cell in him standing on end, getting ready to rip apart. And, Dean knew before he even came that this was going to be the hardest he  _ ever _ came in his life. He _ knew  _ it. 

 

He wasn't wrong either. 

 

Cas rammed into him while simultaneously fucking biting him. Dean could add kinky to the list of things he didn't know he liked about Cas. Because, the moment those teeth nipped his skin and his dick slammed past that godsend of a spot, Dean came hard and very abruptly. 

 

Not a sound erupted from Dean as the orgasm ripped through him. His nails embedded into Cas’ shoulders and his eyes literally rolled back. He came longer and harder than he ever had before. He was also fairly sure he passed out because the next thing he knew, he was gasping and whimpering three words out breathlessly over and over. 

 

“Oh, my god. Oh, my god.  _ Oh, my god. _ ” 

 

Cas followed very quickly and Dean experienced the very odd feeling of someone coming in his ass. It was, admittedly, strange. Not bad, sticky, and different. When Cas pulled out and let his legs down, Dean could feel some leak out. Now,  _ that _ , he didn't like. 

 

But, he couldn't care. Because, they both sunk down to the floor and splayed out beside each other. Dean hadn't  _ ever _ been so worn out before and the sad thing was that he hadn't done any of the work. 

 

“Dean, stop saying  _ oh, my god _ .” Cas croaked out, his gravelly voice even worse than usual. 

 

“Oh.” Dean croaked and his voice was wrecked too. In fact, Dean considered his  _ everything _ wrecked. 

 

“God surely wouldn't approve of that.” Cas mused.

 

“Doubt it.” Dean agreed. “Which sucks because we have to do that again as soon as I can move.” 

 

“We do?” Cas snorted. 

 

“Yes.” Dean said, absolutely no shame in his tone. 

 

“I'm honestly surprised you let me in the first place.” Cas admitted, turning on his side to face Dean. 

 

“I trust you.” Dean said and fought a blush. Two months together and with so much pining, Dean still was a bit uncomfortable with the gooey shit. 

 

“Well, I will say this. Anytime wall sex is involved in your life, you'll have to think about this time. It will undoubtedly be your best. Be sure to let Sarah know, will you?” Cas said offhandedly. 

 

“Okay, first of all, you are a confident bastard, aren't you? Second of all, please tell me that you didn't just become the hulk and hold me against the wall to give me the best wall sex of my life  _ just _ because you were jealous?” Dean said, looking at Cas. 

 

“I wasn't jealous.” Cas mumbled. Dean grinned. 

 

“You were jealous.” Dean sang smugly, turning on his side and scooting closer to Cas. 

 

“I wasn't.” Cas denied uselessly. “It's just… I don't like the idea of you with anyone else.” 

 

“You're possessive.” Dean stated with a smirk. 

 

“Well, you're submissive.” Cas shot back. 

 

“You're kinky.” 

 

“You  _ like _ it.” 

 

“Fuck, yeah, I do.” Dean agreed. “But, you're jealous so all of your arguments are invalid.” 

 

“I keep my word. The next time she suggests that you shove her up against the wall and fuck her, you're going to remember how good that was. I keep my word, Dean. I fucked you silent.” Cas said smugly. 

 

“You fucked me breathless.” Dean huffed. Cas smirked and he hummed happily. 

 

“Yes, I did.” Cas agreed. 

 

“Just how much would you like it if you could tie me down?” Dean asked him, arching his eyebrow. 

 

“Are you offering?” Cas asked. 

 

“Do you want to?” Dean asked curiously. 

 

“If you want to, sure.” Cas said and shrugged. 

 

“Seriously?” Dean asked, surprised. 

 

“Yes.” Cas said, amused. “I'd try anything with you at least once if you wanted.” 

 

“Why?” Dean snorted. 

 

“Because, I love you.” Cas said simply, stating it like one would say water is wet. It still made Dean's heart skip a beat every time he heard it. 

 

“I love you too, you know. And, honestly, I think the first thing we've got to do is fuck in the shower. And by fuck, I mean, you fuck me.” 

 

“Yes, Dean, that sounds pretty important.” 

 

“You know what, Cas?” 

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“I could use a shower now.” 

 

“Right behind you.” 

 

Turns out, shower sex is complicated. But,  _ worth it _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This really is it now. Closing this for good. Thanks for being here.<3
> 
> -sobs


End file.
